Sexy Sex With Shallon: When To Be Exclusive With A New Guy?

My basic mood the last week: snarly

My basic mood the last week: snarly

Breaking things off with someone you still love is probably one of the hardest, ickiest things ever. That’s the situation I faced last week with my ex, M, who had come sweeping back into my life promising a fabulous new romance and delivered diddly squat. So as things heated up with my new guy, B, it became clear that I had to get M out of the picture for good, even though it was breaking my heart (and still is).

So I asked y’all if I should just never again respond to his texts or if I should tell him off. The results were surprisingly divided but I was glad to see that the tell-off won out – no matter how much I’d like to think otherwise, I’m not the kind of person who can just ignore someone forever. Sooner or later, I give in. All my emotions just fester inside of me like poison unless I get it out.

The gURLs have spoken1

You girls have spoken!

So I waited until he texted me to unleash a tidal wave of crazy. Our conversation went a little something like this:

Him: Gotta cancel on Tues.  I’m gonna stay in this week, maybe we’ll catch up in Feb.

(Author’s note: is that not the most INFURIATING thing ever?! At this point he hadn’t seen me in two weeks and apparently was just fine with waiting another three?!?!?!)

Me: Actually no. We won’t. I am so furious and disappointed that THIS is your idea of winning me back. You may think you’ve changed but it has yet to trickle down to your behavior and I’m so over it. I’m moving forward with someone else, and I will never forgive you making me – YET AGAIN – have to be the one to be strong and walk away. You are so selfish.

Him: Wow what? I thought we were just taking it slow? I wish you would’ve told me you felt this way.

I didn’t respond, I was too angry and had said my piece. Wishes I would’ve told him? What, that he should – gasp! – ask out the girl he claims to love? Is he serious with this?? He needs to be told how to behave? He’s a grown man!

My heart was—and is—broken. I feel like such a fool and I still can’t get my head around the fact that all the dreams I had about us won’t ever come true. Not ever.

So, I guess I kind of did both—confront and ignore. I know I’ll hear from him in the future and I hope and pray I have the strength to ignore him forever. I just can’t believe that our love story turned out to be such a tragedy. It seems surreal.

But, sigh, on with life. Things with B are great – we’re moving ever closer to boyfriend-girlfriend status. Every day I forget a little more about M and delight a little more in B. He’s such a prince and I’m proud of myself for choosing the good guy over the passionate a-hole.

Isn’t it weird how you can be so upset over one guy but still falling for someone else? Am I alone on this?

So, here’s my next question, darlings: At what point do you have the “What are we?” convo? I usually don’t bring stuff like that up first—I’m old fashioned like that. But B is also shy and I’m 99% sure that if I asked for official status he’d be super psyched. But would that destroy some magic? Blarrrghh! I don’t know what to do! Help! Should I ask him to be exclusive?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to visit me at my website and follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I’ll blindly obey and be back next week with a fresh new update!


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Posted in: Love Advice
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  • Rachel

    Shallon, you are indeed a great author 🙂