The first was an eight year disaster. I’m talking a totally tumultuous relationship with lying, cheating and borderline abusiveness on his end. We would break up for months, even years at a time. But even when we were apart we were still very emotionally together. Even when we dated other people, there was this cosmic attachment that we couldn’t get rid of.
The second was a three year disaster. This relationship was much healthier compared to the previous, but still had big issues. We were together through the majority of my college years. He had quite the temper and wasn’t ready for a mature relationship. We would break up and get back together every time we had a fight, which was basically every other weekend.
On-and-off relationships are the hardest kind to break because often there’s history. There’s this thing that keeps you coming back. No matter how many times you say you won’t go back, you will. No matter how many times your friends tell you to end it, you won’t. It’s a weird relationship science. And it warps your brain. If you break up, you know you’ll get back together. If you get back together, you know you’ll break up. You get stuck in this strange, yet comfortable cycle.
With my first one, I finally realized that if he really loved and cared about me, he wouldn’t be doing all of these horrible things. He wouldn’t cheat on me, disappear for months, yell at me, call me terrible names or any of that if he truly loved me. You don’t treat someone you love that way. I should have realized it so much sooner, but I was trying to prove everyone wrong including myself. I thought I could fix it. Once it clicked that it had nothing to do with me, that he wasn’t going to change, I was able to let it go.
My second was a little different. I was with this person when I was sick, and he took really good care of me. And the first year of our relationship was great. But once I got healthy and got back to doing the things I wanted to do, it took a turn for the worst. I felt like I owed him, like I had to be in this relationship.
I really did love this person, but I had to sit down and write a pro-con list. I had to see if the bad days outweighed the good days. And they did, by an overwhelming amount. If you’re not happy with someone on the majority of days you’re together, then it needs to stop. I understood that the relationship was getting worse instead of better, and it was time to officially be over.
The on-and-off relationship is like a vase. If it breaks, you can put it back together. But every time it breaks again, it gets harder and harder to fix. At some point you’re going to look at that vase, realize you can’t put it back together and throw it away.
Have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? How did you end it? Are you in one currently? Are you trying to end it? Tell me in the comments!