How I Ended My On-And-Off Relationships

The on-and-off relationship is a vicious, vicious cycle. I have these kinds of relationships with things like Pop-Tarts and my flatiron. I’ve also had two serious on-and-off relationships with two different guys that would not end.

The first was an eight year disaster. I’m talking a totally tumultuous relationship with lying, cheating and borderline abusiveness on his end. We would break up for months, even years at a time. But even when we were apart we were still very emotionally together. Even when we dated other people, there was this cosmic attachment that we couldn’t get rid of.

The second was a three year disaster. This relationship was much healthier compared to the previous, but still had big issues. We were together through the majority of my college years. He had quite the temper and wasn’t ready for a mature relationship. We would break up and get back together every time we had a fight, which was basically every other weekend.

On-and-off relationships are the hardest kind to break because often there’s history. There’s this thing that keeps you coming back. No matter how many times you say you won’t go back, you will. No matter how many times your friends tell you to end it, you won’t. It’s a weird relationship science. And it warps your brain. If you break up, you know you’ll get back together. If you get back together, you know you’ll break up. You get stuck in this strange, yet comfortable cycle.

With my first one, I finally realized that if he really loved and cared about me, he wouldn’t be doing all of these horrible things. He wouldn’t cheat on me, disappear for months, yell at me, call me terrible names or any of that if he truly loved me. You don’t treat someone you love that way. I should have realized it so much sooner, but I was trying to prove everyone wrong including myself. I thought I could fix it. Once it clicked that it had nothing to do with me, that he wasn’t going to change, I was able to let it go.

My second was a little different. I was with this person when I was sick, and he took really good care of me. And the first year of our relationship was great. But once I got healthy and got back to doing the things I wanted to do, it took a turn for the worst. I felt like I owed him, like I had to be in this relationship.

I really did love this person, but I had to sit down and write a pro-con list. I had to see if the bad days outweighed the good days. And they did, by an overwhelming amount. If you’re not happy with someone on the majority of days you’re together, then it needs to stop. I understood that the relationship was getting worse instead of better, and it was time to officially be over.

The on-and-off relationship is like a vase. If it breaks, you can put it back together. But every time it breaks again, it gets harder and harder to fix. At some point you’re going to look at that vase, realize you can’t put it back together and throw it away.

Have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? How did you end it? Are you in one currently? Are you trying to end it? Tell me in the comments!

 

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  • Amanda

    It wasn’t until I lost respect for him that I realized I didn’t want him in my life any more. Then I was finally free.

  • Haley

    Yes. I had a on and off again relationship with my first real boyfriend i say real because the boyfriend before that was in third grade. We started dating in the summer before 7th grade. It started good always talking and trying to hang out.. it all changed when he tried to ignore me in public i dumped him and he was like i am sorry it’s because i wanted your mom to go away. So we got together and again it was good, except i didn’t trust our relationship. We went on and off again like that for awhile always ending it over stupid things. The last time we dated was at the begining of this school year. We say we are friends but there is still tension.

  • JayQuake26

    I am definately in an on and off relationship… i thought it was on for good after a year .. but we’ve been on the rocks for about a week.. im not around right now and i guess its that concept while the cat’s away…type deal but yea. she did that and i did things im not proud of ive never drank before but obviously there’s a first for everything, i snuck out and got wasted with at my neighbors.. i think i broke up with her but i was drunk and i honestly was tryin to be as vague as possible idk bc i want to be with her but this isnt the first time its happend.. and this time it was with a guy i trusted to take care of her while im gone….i just dont know what to do.. i love her with all my heart! she means the world to me and i was gona make the most of this distance thing .. i wont be gone for long! 3 or 4 months tops…she just msged me sayin she dont kno whats goin on between us but its not workin.. i kno nothin good comes after that phrase. i mean.. im tryin to make it work i mean im mad and hurt but sometimes she begs me not to leave and other times she acts like she doesnt care…*sigh* i just need to kno should i stay or should i let her go…