I Weigh More Than My Boyfriend

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I was focused on numbers and looks instead of enjoying my new BF! | Source: ShutterStock

A while back, I started hanging out with this guy who was super funny and into all the same movies and books and random things as me. Our personalities totally clicked, and before you knew it, I had a new boyfriend.

It was pretty awesome because he was always really nice to me and we had a ton of fun together. However, I couldn’t help feeling really insecure around him. Why? Because he was way skinnier than me.

I really started focusing on it after how much he weighed somehow came up in a conversation. When I realized that not only was he skinnier than me in appearance, but in actual pounds too, it really started to play with my head.

Even though I had a pretty healthy body image, whenever the two of us were next to each other in front of other people, I’d get kind of nervous. And yeah, being uncomfortable when you are around the person you are supposed to enjoy dating is kind of a total buzzkill.

In my mind, I knew it wasn’t something I should care about it because it was superficial. The fact that I kept dwelling on it actually made me feel guilty for thinking that as a girl, I should weigh less than my boyfriend. Even though I told myself to let it go, it kept bothering me. I’d always crushed on bigger guys. So, while I knew in my heart it was a trivial thing to think about when it came to dating, I also didn’t think I’d ever be in a relationship where I would question my weight.

In addition to wishing my body was smaller, I was also worried that he secretly wished I would be thinner because he didn’t like that I weighed more than him. Somehow I felt like I was disappointing someone who I really wanted to impress. Now, he never actually did anything to support this thought, but I just convinced myself he was too nice to let his disappointment show.

For a while, it wasn’t really a topic we discussed, but eventually we did talk about the whole “weight” issue. Or rather, a non-issue that was kind of warped by us both into an issue. See, it turns out that I wasn’t the only one feeling insecure. As I worried I weighed “too much” for our relationship, he said that he was worried that he was “too skinny.” 

Basically neither of us really cared how we looked until we started worrying how the other person thought we looked. We were comparing our bodies to each other and to some weird, stereotypical image of what a boyfriend-girlfriend pair “should” look like together. Not good.

Once it all got out there, I think we were more sensitive to each other’s insecurities. I stopped making defensive jokes about not wanting to eat around him – I’d only said things because jokes sometimes help me feel less insecure, but I’d actually been making him uncomfortable thinking it was a dig at his weight. That was in no way my intention, but can’t you see how that bad cycle would have kept going if we hadn’t talked it out?

The thing is we are both two healthy people who happen to have different body shapes. Honestly, I really don’t notice it anymore. Ending our relationship over those insecurities would have meant missing out on all the awesome stuff we’ve been able to do together all because we didn’t know if we looked “right” together. There’s no such thing.

Even though I knew that from the start, I just needed a little reminder in the moment. I hope my story can maybe be a little reminder for you to enjoy your relationship and not get hung up on those kinds of things nobody can control and that ultimately don’t mean anything about what kind of person each of you are.

Have you ever felt insecure about your body in your relationship? Have you ever talked to your partner about body image? Tell us in the comments!

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3 Comments

  1. avatarDanni Hendrichsen says:

    My boyfriend weighs 95 pounds and I weigh 195. There is a literal 100 pound difference. I am 5’0 he is 5’5 and the weight difference bothers me.Many times I am reminded of this difference and it hurts so much… He can;t lift me up at all while I can pick him up bridal style… I tried to take a romantic picture of us holding hands… His arm looked so bony compared to mine( with a gracious amount of arm fat)…I deleted the picture and refused to let him see it at all. Since then I have not taken a picture of our hands holding .
    I still worry about being “too fat”, and most of the time it is irrational ideas I form in my head rather than a comment he’s made that make me feel like this.I secretly feel he would love me more if the weight difference weren’t as drastic….Occasionally I catch him checking out the pretty blonde women in town and it hurts. I don’t see it as they’re another human being and it is natural to see people as they walk past you…Instead I see him envisioning them as me.Envisioning how I ould look with a waistline that little. If my arms weren’t covered in fat… This is my irrational thinking coming back to haunt me and break my self esteem for the.day At the end of the night , he is in My bed holding Me. .

  2. avatarLaLaLa says:

    I feel like that all the time. Whenever a boy tries to pick me up, I go in my, what I like to call, ‘Rigid Cardboard Position’, so he can’t pick me up. But, now I think about it, who cares? Your boyfriend picked YOU, not any other girl, but YOU. And he obviously likes you, so stop worrying about your weight! I’m sure he loves your curves :D

  3. avatarHannah says:

    Oh my gosh! I know how this feels! My boyfriend weighs only about a hundred pounds or so, he’s super skinny. When I found out it kind of weirded me out, and everytime he picked me up (I’m short, he’s tall) for fun I kind of felt insecure. Overall though, I think it’s not so much a big deal. Guys are built different, and I’m just curvy.

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