Sexy Sexy With Shallon: How Can I Leave My Ex Behind – For Good?

how to leave an ex

The gurls have spoken!

Welcome back, girls, to the circus of ridiculousness that is my love life! Last week, I was torn between giving my (horrendous) ex, M, another shot or moving forward with a new (princely) boy, B. I had the chance to invite one away for a romantical weekend and left the decision to you guys to vote on.

SHOCKER: almost everyone voted for B. Like, you guys hate my ex. And, as of today, I do too!

Let’s go back to last week: I asked B to go on the mini-break with me, and of course, of course, later that night, M – who is the king of flakes and mind games – crawled out of the woodwork and wanted to see what I was doing for the weekend. Over text, obvs. GOD FORBID he actually behaves like a man and calls me to ask for a date.

Rather than play the same stupid games right back, I told him the truth: I was going upstate with a boy.

In typical d-bag fashion, he sniped that I clearly wasn’t serious about giving us another chance and that I’m to blame for things heading south this time.

I reminded him that it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen him, because he hasn’t bothered to ask me out, and that all of his pathetic promises about a new wonderful relationship were just complete crap.

B, Mr. Adorable, and I at dinner!

B, Mr. Adorable, and I at dinner!

Furious and dark and twisty, I tried to put it behind me and enjoy the weekend with B, which was magical. Seriously. I don’t think I touched a door handle all weekend—the kid is such a gentleman! We laughed and talked and just had a marvelous time. I was shocked we weren’t sick of each other after 72 straight hours of togetherness. Stupid M started texting me halfway through the weekend, but I didn’t respond. I was too happy in my cocoon of squishy, mushy luuuuurve with B to even care.

Until I got back to the city, that is. Once back in NYC, reality set back in. B is amazing, so wonderful, and would never pull the crap that M did/has/will probably always do.  But M still haunts me. Last week I was sad—this week I’m angry. I’m absolutely livid that I let myself get pulled back into his swamp of horribleness. And I’m just confused. Why is he doing this? What was the point of all this? An ego boost? The most dangerous part about M is that he actually believes his own lies.

And because of that, I know it has to be over. Really over this time. It feels surreal, though. Like some awful nightmare that can’t possibly be true. M can’t possibly be doing this…can he? The boy I’ve waited for for a year can’t really be letting history repeat itself?

Here’s where I need your help: I know that I’ll hear from M again. He’s not the type to go quietly into that good night, even though a normal, moral person would realize they were hurting someone who loved them and would just let them go.

So when he reaches out with more baloney, what do I do? Not respond? Or unleash a venomous breakup rant and hope he finally gets the memo to leave me alone forever? Which has worked best for you? To engage or to ignore?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to visit me at my website and follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I’ll blindly obey and be back next week with a fresh new update!


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  • Lena

    I’m not hating in any way but I watched one of Shallon’s videos on youtube and it kind of took me by surprise. In the video she had received a question from an insecure girl who thought she was ugly. Shallon replied with advice like bleaching your teeth and straightening your hair. Though I’m sure those things could make a difference in someone’s appearance, it was kind of sad that she didn’t say ANYTHING about who the girl was and how beauty isn’t defined by someone’s appearance. Instead she focused on things she can do to her outside appearance to make her “beautiful”. For me that was insulting because I think that middle school and high school can be really awkward times where everyone’s changing. I think that it’s important for teens to know that maybe straightening your hair will tame your fly aways but what matters the most is that you love yourself and that’s when true beauty shines the brightest. I feel like Shallon should’ve talked about working on your self confidence and having peace with your body (like this website encourages) and what you were born with, after all there’s only one of you.

  • Adrienne

    Guys don’t take hints very well. If you flat out tell him, he will know (or at least he should) that you are serious and are cutting it off for good. Ignoring someone can send different messages. Tell him once and for all, get it over with, and move on with B.

  • Kelly

    dont give him the satisfaction of letting him know you care.. because you dont your just annoyed that he playing with you… he doesnt care for you he just wants the ego boost… i personallly need to work on following my own advice.

  • Mel

    The risk with telling him you don’t want anything to do with him is that it shows him that you still care; even if that care is in the form of wanting his head on a pike, he’s likely to preseive it as “she still has some emotions for me” and try to change them. If you ignore him, he may persist for a while, even come back every few months all texty texty, but you get in the habit of ignoring him and eventually stop caring at all.