If you’ve tracked the adventures of GIF Girl, then you know she does not have the best luck when it comes to kissing. From her failed mistletoe kiss to her also failed New Year’s Eve kiss, girl just doesn’t great luck when it comes to actually smooching.
But she doesn’t give up hope! In fact, Valentine’s Day is less than a month away, and she’s ready to see if things finally work out for her. But in the mean time, she’s having a little bit of a panic. With her low experience in actually successful kisses, her confidence is starting to shake wondering if she even knows how to kiss. She’s out to get some answers before February rolls around.
So I know I talk a lot about wanting to get kissed. And guys, I swear I’m not just saying it, but I really do think my crush likes me. But I feel like if we ever finally get in kissing range, I won’t be ready to handle it.
But what if for me, “might be” means “definitely am”?! I’ll just get some advice and tips from my trusty BFF. She starts talking about how she and her boyfriend love kissing with tongue. Like, she just goes on and on about the tongue situation.
This just does not sound like something I want to be a part of…
I head off to class. I ask my lab partner about how to kiss. She says there’s no point in kissing unless everything is PERFECT: the room, the music, the lighting… Basically she is describing every romantic movie ever to me and all that Hollywood romance is just spewing out of her mouth.
I feel this is not realistically possible for me. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a movie crew to be following me around. I don’t have time for what I am pretty sure is her exaggerated perfection. Blah.
In the hallway, the girl who works next to my lab station said she was eavesdropping (of course). She tells me that really short kisses are the only way to go.
That’s probably what she was trying to describe, but all I picture is chickens pecking at each other. I also decided to say that out loud. She was not happy.
I was so completely lost that I even asked my friend’s kinda creepy brother (you know, the one I’ve mentioned who ALWAYS seems to be hanging around me), thinking maybe he had some advice to give. I think the fact that I was putting his name and the word “kissing” in the same sentence may have thrown him off.
At practice later, my teammate says that the actual kiss isn’t as important as teasing the possibility of a kiss from afar. I don’t even know what that means. She decides to demonstrate.
Okay, well I am capable of kissing the air, but I feel like that doesn’t actually help me in the moment, which she doesn’t seem to understand. Ughhhhh.
When I get home, I march on over to my older sister and just flat-out ask “How do you even know that you’re a good kisser?”
Gahhh, of course she thought this was some kind of secret insult. I insist this is a legit question. Even though she accepts this, unfortunately her answer remains less than helpful.
I feel so distressed I even ask my dog. Obviously, she doesn’t answer me back, but I feel like I can predict what her suggestion would be.
Well, that’s no help! Except now I’m hungry. After dinner, I just head up to bed and go off to dreamland.
But even in my dreams, I’m still preoccupied with my kiss question. I come across some kind of mysterious dream girl, and I ask her “How do you kiss?”
“I care! Who are you!?” I yell (Guys, this was a very dramatic dream). She reveals that she is my INNER SELF.
“But Inner Self, I say. You are the one who is so nervous! What advice could you possibly give me?!” And then she says the most magical thing ever:
OHHHHH! Inner Self is right! If I’ve learned anything today, it’s that kissing is clearly different for everyone. You know, there’s no use stressing over it – when it happens, I’ll figure out what’s right. Internal heart-to-heart for the win!
Have you ever asked your friends for kissing advice? Were they more helpful than GIF Girl’s friends? Tell us in the comments.