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Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about what to do when your boyfriend is really controlling:
tori92 said:
I have been with my ‘boyfriend’ for almost 5 years.
Problem is, 4 out of the 5 years he’s been controlling. Always accused me of cheating, used to hit me and punch me, been in court and now have an AVO on him but after a 3 month break, decided to get back together.
He is going through my phone on a daily basis, listening to every phone call i make or receive, tells me when to shower, has gone through my laptop, told me to delete facebook etc. It’s worse than it ever was. I never ever get 2 seconds away from him! He won’t let me have two minutes to myself! (seriously, can’t even go to the toilet without him hanging around)
I want to get rid of him but I am worried about his violent outbursts, the police no longer believe me because I took him back. I saved his butt from a prison sentence. I have been a silly girl taking him back but now i feel like it’s too late and I am stuck. Please help.
What would you do if your boyfriend was controlling? How would you get out of a controlling relationship? If you’re in a controlling relationship, are you afraid to get out?
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I agree with stephanie.. This relationship is all wrong and I think your boyfriend might be having some psychological problems.
You need to talk to a counselor ASAP or someone from your family that you trust and get out of there – it will never get better and truly the reason you have taken him back is because he has made you depend on him and you’ve lost your self esteem. I know, because I have been in a similar situation – albeit not living with the guy or as extreme as yours, but the same building and he would harass me non-stop. This is very unhealthy behaviour and the fact that you now recognize that you indeed want to get out is a step in the right direction. Your number one priority however is to find a safe place where you can move to and that he does not know about. Chances are however that he already knows your routine – so you need to change that too. What I did – I moved as far away as I could. He still hung around but after a while gave up. You need to talk to a counselor and get the police involved if need be – reverse the prison sentence. Do anything and everything you can – but remember to remain safe.
Ultimately I think your number one step right now is to remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible and no contact. It will be hard – but you’ll need to slowly build up your self esteem somehow and taking a self defense class is the best way. Surround yourself with quality people and friends who don’t need to control you to be happy. And remember – if he’s controlling, chances are he has really low self esteem and taking his problems out on you. A well adjusted individual has no need to be jealous and controlling – if they cherish you chances are there is no need because they’re happy they have you. Relationships – doesn’t matter what shape or form – should never ever be about control. Good luck!
Leave him and get a restraining order.
Well I was in a similar situation. My ex lived with me when we were together (and 14). He wouldn’t leave me alone, he was always on my phone and Facebook demanding that I stop talking to my friends. He accused me of stripping online & of course cheating on him. I never did either. He though cheated on me several times and I thought I “loved” him so I forgave him time after time. It didn’t take long for me to be kept from my friends and the life I had. Nobody knew about the verbal abuse he would throw at me, secretly in public but very openly in private. He got to the point where he started to sexually abuse me so that i “couldn’t cheat on him”. I was a bloody mess, but of course the injuries were in private areas that no one else would ever see.The injuries I inflicted ended up putting me in the hospital. If i ever cried he would threaten to hit me and tell me “you don’t know what abuse it”. I suppose for a while I believed that and it continued to happen. The yelling and abuse continued until I completely broke down. I found my courage and broke up with him and moved his things out that night. Everything was reported to the police and I am physically healed, only scar tissue remains. Emotionally and mentally though, the wounds are still fresh. Anyway my point is that you may think you are best for him and you love him & maybe he says he loves you too but that doesn’t mean its 100% true. You need to get out before you end up in the hospital and damaged for life. You’re stronger than this.