The 10 Worst Things Guys Have Said To Me On First Dates

Dude, shut up! |  Source: Shutterstock

Dude, shut up! | Source: Shutterstock

I’m one of the few people who actually enjoys first dates. Typically people are on their best behavior and trot out all their best stories and funniest anecdotes. But some people use a first date as an opportunity to shock and horrify, namely the dudes I tend to date. Check out the top 10—and believe me I could’ve done more—most awful things my dates have actually had the nerve to say on a first date. And bible, I’m not making these up.




10. “How the f*** do I know what’s in a matzo ball? What am, I your Jewish liaison?”

This charmer was going on and on about how much he loves matzo ball soup, which I’ve never had, so I asked him what exactly a matzo ball entailed. After this little exchange I told him that no, he’s not my Jewish liaison—he’s not going to be my anything.


9. “I try not to date girls your age. All you guys want to do is get married.”

Um, I’m sitting right here.


8. “You got your nose fixed? Wow I had no idea you were so shallow.”

I got my nose fixed because I broke it. Yeah I’m shallow because I don’t want to spend my life as a mouth-breather. And BTW, he had just finished telling me about how he had his ears pinned back as a kid because people called him Dumbo. Now I guess they just call him Doucher.


7. “….And, that was the first time I had a penis in my mouth!”

Note to self: never ever playfully ask a guy to tell you a secret. You just may get an answer like this.


6. “I mean, don’t you think you’re what’s wrong with society?”

Because I’m an editor at Star magazine, which, OK fine, isn’t exactly going to earn me a Pulitzer, but I like our mag and so do our readers. He, meanwhile, was a member of the NRA.

5. “So can you, like, hook me up with Lauren Conrad?”

I’m former MTV reality star but—shocker!—I don’t live in one giant compound with all my other network mates. And even if I did, even if LC and Pauly D and Teen Mom Maci’s hot baby daddy and I were sharing groceries and having cookouts together, is it really appropriate to ask to be set up with a different girl on a first date? WTF bro?


4. “No no no no no—here’s why you’re wrong…”

I firmly believe that I’m never ever wrong. And I’m even less wrong when I’m expressing an opinion, as I was on a date with this nightmare. I believe I declared Gladiator to be my favorite movie. And at the end of the date I also declared him to be unlovable. That is not wrong.


3. “Sorry. I’m broke from two DUIs, you’re gonna have to get this one.”

ON A FIRST DATE. Seriously dude? If you can’t afford to take a girl out to coffee (my latte wasn’t exactly bank-breaking) then guess what: don’t ask a girl out! And certainly don’t be so rude about it. And certainly, certainly don’t get two DUIs, you loser.


2. “You’re left handed? Um, that’s like, kinda like being handicapped. Sorry but I don’t really see this going anywhere.”


1. “Oh c’mon don’t be so provincial! Open your mind!”

My date said this when he PULLED OUT A BOTTLE OF LUBE and set it on the table. ?!?!?!?!?! It was clear my mind wasn’t what he wanted me to open…


Which one of the above do you think is the most offensive? Tell us in the comments. 

One of the worst first date stories we’ve ever heard!

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  • Birdie

    Ha, add this one to the list. I went out on a first date and the dude said I looked like a boy, said I looked like Justin Beiber because I have short hair, wore purple pants and sneakers(wedges). Oh and he said he couldn’t pay for my stuff because he didn’t have the money, later that night after he texted me this whole thing on me looking like a boy and said I should have worn a dress at the classy(haha!) restaurant he took me to(BJ’s). He told me if I’d dressed sexy like that, I might have gotten a free meal. Doucheeeee!!! It was bad.

  • Sarah

    Feminazi spotted.

  • Anna

    “He, meanwhile, was a member of the NRA.” And what’s wrong with that.?!

    • emmaloohoo

      well, the nra supplied the guns that killed the sandy hook victims. Then they suggested to have MORE

      • emmaloohoo

        guns in order to solve this problem.soo yah there is something wrong with it

        • Adrienne

          Blame the NRA for a psycho who murdered 26 people? Guess what? You can kill someone with a pen. For shame for owning pens. “I saw a movie once where only the government and police had guns. It was called Schindler’s List.”

          The writer of this article seems like a very shallow person. Yes, I would be pretty pissed if a guy said these things to me, but the general feel you get from this chick is me me me. Not cool, Gurl, not cool at all.

  • Cait

    While I completely disagree with your problem with the NRA (daughter of a firearms safety instructor), since that wasn’t the reason he was so stupid, I will say this: Who the hell let someone who lacked the common sense not to say that on a first date into the NRA in the first place? He and all the other guys seem to suffer from a severe combination of foot in mouth disease and chronic stupidity. Unfortunately, this condition is generally incurable.

    • Autumn

      This is quite the liberal website, everything on politics (accept feminism stuff) on here I tend to ignore, and lol I completely agree with that sentiment. The penis in my mouth one made me literally laugh out loud though.

  • kayla

    Some guys are too immature!