I have long suspected that “Auld Lang Syne” actually means “Let’s pretend I’m going to be a totally different person next year.” Am I the only one who finds that their New Year’s resolutions are actually just a list of complete phony-baloney lies? Probably not. I dare you to read this and tell me you don’t relate to at least one of these New Year’s fibs!
She said: I resolve to work out at least 5 days a week and take the stairs whenever possible.
She meant: I resolve to declare walking from my car to class a workout, and move into a one-story building.
She said: I will stop gossiping and try to be more straightforward when I’m mad about something.
She meant: I will stop bitching to Jen about Katie and bitch to Lauren instead.
Putting an End To Your Wild Child Phase
She said: I’m going to be more ladylike and ask myself: What would Kate Middleton do?
She meant: I’m going to get different role models. What would…Brandi Glanville do??
She said: Listen to mom and put away 20% of my paycheck into savings.
She meant: Listen to my BFF and put 20% towards a boob job.
Your Man Situation
She said: Wait 10 dates before hooking up with a guy you’re really into!
She meant: Wait 10 days. Hey it’s only one letter off…
She said: Finish that book proposal! Be the only person in your school’s history to publish before you graduate!
She meant: Finish reading the book on how to write a proposal.
What’s your New Year’s resolution–and do you think you can actually stick with it? Tell me in the comments!