I’m attracted to my best friend’s boyfriend. I went out with him about a year ago but I was perfectly fine when he started dating my best friend. I even consider him one of my best friends because of how much we talk. But recently, we’ve started getting closer and spending more time together and I’ve realized that I have a crush on him again. Sometimes he flirts with me and I feel like he might like me too, but I don’t know. I feel so guilty! Should I tell my BFF? Should I stop talking to him? Please help!
While it’s try that we can’t always help who we fall for, there are some situations where it’s best to try to forget about the person we’re crushing on. This may be one of those situations, although that’s entirely up to you. What you need to do right now is decide whether you want to stay besties with your BFF or whether you want to take a chance and admit your feelings to this dude. Unfortunately, you need to make this decision on your own, but fortunately, I can try to help out a little.
If you really want to tell this guy how you feel, you need to consider what could happen. One scenario is that he feels the same way and dumps his GF – and you’ll probably lose your best friend. Another scenario is that he chooses his GF over you, and you not only lose him, but also probably your bestie. You need to seriously consider if you’re willing to lose your BFF over this guy. It’s important to keep in mind that even if you pursue a relationship with him, it might not work out perfectly, and in the end, you’ll be left without a best friend.
It’s also important to remember that stealing her boyfriend from her is going to hurt your best friend a lot. While I’m not saying you have to put her happiness over your own, I do think it’s a good idea to keep in mind that hurting her and losing her may end up making you feel more lonely and guilty than before.
The other option here is to try to forget about this guy. Honestly, I think that’s your best option. For one thing, it’s really not cool of him to be flirting and spending a lot of time with his girlfriend’s best friend. For another thing, forgetting about this guy is going to keep your friendship with your BFF intact – and sometimes, having a loyal friend is even better than having a boyfriend.
Unless you feel like this guy is the love of your life, I would suggest that you try to move on and find someone else to crush on. If you never make a move on him, there’s no need to tell your bestie about your feelings. And who knows? You two could even end up together in the future, when things aren’t so complicated.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org