Help! I Have A Crush On My Best Friend’s Boyfriend!

Hi Heather,

I’m attracted to my best friend’s boyfriend. I went out with him about a year ago but I was perfectly fine when he started dating my best friend. I even consider him one of my best friends because of how much we talk. But recently, we’ve started getting closer and spending more time together and I’ve realized that I have a crush on him again. Sometimes he flirts with me and I feel like he might like me too, but I don’t know. I feel so guilty! Should I tell my BFF? Should I stop talking to him? Please help!

While it’s try that we can’t always help who we fall for, there are some situations where it’s best to try to forget about the person we’re crushing on. This may be one of those situations, although that’s entirely up to you. What you need to do right now is decide whether you want to stay besties with your BFF or whether you want to take a chance and admit your feelings to this dude. Unfortunately, you need to make this decision on your own, but fortunately, I can try to help out a little.

If you really want to tell this guy how you feel, you need to consider what could happen. One scenario is that he feels the same way and dumps his GF – and you’ll probably lose your best friend. Another scenario is that he chooses his GF over you, and you not only lose him, but also probably your bestie. You need to seriously consider if you’re willing to lose your BFF over this guy. It’s important to keep in mind that even if you pursue a relationship with him, it might not work out perfectly, and in the end, you’ll be left without a best friend.

It’s also important to remember that stealing her boyfriend from her is going to hurt your best friend a lot. While I’m not saying you have to put her happiness over your own, I do think it’s a good idea to keep in mind that hurting her and losing her may end up making you feel more lonely and guilty than before.

The other option here is to try to forget about this guy. Honestly, I think that’s your best option. For one thing, it’s really not cool of him to be flirting and spending a lot of time with his girlfriend’s best friend. For another thing, forgetting about this guy is going to keep your friendship with your BFF intact – and sometimes, having a loyal friend is even better than having a boyfriend.

Unless you feel like this guy is the love of your life, I would suggest that you try to move on and find someone else to crush on. If you never make a move on him, there’s no need to tell your bestie about your feelings. And who knows? You two could even end up together in the future, when things aren’t so complicated.

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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3 Comments

  1. avatar Jardiie says:

    That goes with me… I started being overprotective with my bestie over her suitor, who always stalks her. He seems to be a nice guy but I was too mean for him. Until one day,I realize my mistakes, gave up being mean and overprotective over my bestie. I ended up to matchmake both of them. However, the problem is…I started—you know—-being inlove with him. But, this—I guess—-answers my question. Thanks Heather!!!

  2. avatar LittleRedWolfGirl says:

    Not worth it. SOOOO not worth it. Been there. Made a really stupid mistake. Learned my lession, BIG time. I had liked a guy for a couple years. He was dating a friend of mine. I never made a move (too shy, plus I didn’t wanna be THAT girl). Then they broke up, and he seemed kinda flirty. Thought I might have a chance. Then he started dating someone else, and I was crushed. I met her, and she seemed nice, but it still hurt. Then he and I started talking more after he left for school, and he told me that he liked me and wanted to kiss me. Well, stupid me, I was so ecstatic about that fact that he ACTUALLY LIKED ME to think about the consequences of all that. I figured it was a one-time thing, and made all these justifications to myself. Then his gf and I ended up becoming best friends, but he still kept wanting me to do things with him. I realized he was just a manipulative jerk who didn’t care about me at all, and just wanted to have his cake and eat it too, basically. So I told him I was done, it wasn’t right, I didn’t feel that way about him anymore, and that was that. I felt so bad, but tried to put it behind me. Then, for whatever reason, he ended up telling her (without giving me the heads up first), and of course she was pissed and hurt, and we aren’t friends anymore, which I totally deserve. Oddly, she’s still with him (and I wasn’t the only girl he fooled around with behind her back), so I have no idea what exactly he told her, but…. you get the idea. Yes, I know I made a messed up choice, I let my emotions rule out over my common sense, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I’ve definitely learned from it, though. If someone, guy or girl, your’e interested in is already dating someone (even if it’s not someone you know personally), just move on, no matter how much you like them. Being that person just isn’t worth it. Trust me.

  3. avatar Katherine says:

    If the guy’s willing to hit on you, he’ll be willing to hit on others when he’s with you. Stealing him would be nothing but a service to your friend, she deserves better.

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