There’s nothing quite like shedding your clothes and being buck nekkid! Oh did I forget to put an adjective in there? I meant to write there’s nothing as terrifying/anxious/nerve-wracking/jealousy-inducing/hellish like shedding your clothes. And it’s no surprise that in such a stressful moment you might be prone to the eensy-est, weensy-est little fib…
She said: You are hot! You are healthy! You are a real woman! You do not need to be a twig!
She meant: You are seriously regretting TiVo’ing the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
In the Locker Room
She said: Woah, Liz you’ve totally lost weight! Those CrossFit classes are seriously paying off I hate you. Ugh why do I always have to pee after Zumba, BRB!
She meant: Um yeah right I’m unleashing my pale lumpy body in front of you now. I’ll hide in the handicapped stall and change clothes–like a doofus.
In Front Of Your Mom
She said: Mommm leave me alone, so what that my bra has holes! I just hate bra shopping so much but fine, let’s go by Victoria’s Secret this after noon.
She meant: Hmm…VS is having a sale on those yoga pants I wanted. I suppose I could suffer through some B vs C cup debate if it’ll score me new loungewear…on mom’s Visa!
Around Your Older Sister
She said: Wait a minute–mom said that cellulite totally runs in the family, so where the eff is yours? OMG you’re adopted!
She meant: Mom is a liar who was trying to make me feel better. From Santa to cellulite, she had made my life a shadowy series of falsehoods.
The First Time in Front of Your Guy
She said: Isn’t dim lighting just sooo sexy? And feel free to take out your contacts! No need to see everything in 20/20! And hey aren’t you cold? Let’s get undressed under the covers–even sexier!
She meant: If science can put a man on the moon why can’t they find a less nakedy way to be naked in front of a guy? Or can’t there be some company that lets you hire Kate Upton as an in-the-dark body double?!
After You’ve Been Together For 2 years
She said: EW I am so gross from the gym and look, I got my period all over my undies! Will you toss this stuff in the hamper while I shower?
She meant: The thrill of your penis wore off long, long ago my friend.
What are you thinking when you get naked around someone for the first time? Tell us in the comments!