What’s the one thing that may hurt just as much as a relationship ending? A best friend breakup. Unfortunately, I know this because I recently lost my best friend. And to put it bluntly, it sucked.
A few years ago, I got really close with a girl I’ll call K. K and I worked together and so we were with each other constantly. It wasn’t long before we were both basically obsessed with each other, the way you can only be obsessed with a brand new best friend who totally gets you and finishes your sentences. We had a ton of stuff in common and spent our long, boring hours at work bonding over boys we thought we were cute, clothes we wanted to buy and people at work we mutually hated. It didn’t take long for us to start hanging out outside of work.
I thought K was awesome, but she didn’t seem to have many other friends besides me. Besides the fact that she told me she didn’t have many friends, she wasn’t too popular at our job. Everyone we worked with regularly called her a bitch and asked me how I could hang out with her so much. I didn’t really pay attention to it – I got along with K and didn’t care what other people thought about her. But sometimes things did get a little weird.
K seemed to have an endless amount of time to hang out with me. I guess the best way to describe her was needy – it was like she expected me to hang out with her during every minute of my free time. When we weren’t together, she was texting me constantly. She usually called me at night to gossip before bed and whenever I made plans with my other friends, she got obviously annoyed, although she never said anything. The thing was, even though K didn’t have many other people to hang out with, I did. I tried to include her in my group when I could, but I wasn’t about to make my life all about her the way she was doing with me.
When we weren’t working or talking about our mutual love of Ryan Gosling or The Little Mermaid, K and I spent most of our time talking about guys. K was desperate for a boyfriend and constantly moaned about how much she wanted to meet a nice guy. We spent way too much time trading dating and flirting horror stories and discussing how we would probably be single forever but it was fine because all guys sucked anyway.
And then one day, I met a guy and we started dating not too long after. At first, K was super supportive. She asked me for all the details of our hangouts, got excited for me at all the right moments of my stories and never stopped telling me how lucky I was. Around the same time I got a BF, I also got a full-time job at another company. I started juggling my time between my boyfriend, my job, my other friends and K… and naturally, I couldn’t spend as much time with K as I had in the past.
I’ll admit, there were a few nights when I had to cancel plans with K for various reasons, and it definitely became harder for us to hang out as much as we used to. I could tell K was getting mad – she stopped calling all the time, started getting silent whenever I brought up my BF and acted weird when I asked her to hang out. I tried as hard as I could to make time for K, and there was never a time when I ditched her for my boyfriend. I even brought her to hang out with us when we went to parties. But it didn’t seem to matter. She started distancing herself from me more and more and I couldn’t understand why.
After we went a full two weeks without speaking for no particular reason whatsoever, I texted her to ask her what was going on. She responded to tell me that she felt like I was constantly blowing her off to be with my BF. I was seriously so confused – I hung out with my BF once, maybe twice, a week. I had made every attempt to call her, make plans with her and text her. She was the one constantly blowing me off!
But since she was one of my BFF’s and I didn’t want to lose her, I swallowed my pride, apologized and said I hadn’t realized. At first, things were cool. We started hanging out and talking again. But after a few weeks, she went right back to what she had been doing before.
Finally, I stopped making an effort to see her. I was sick of being the only one trying to keep our friendship alive. I would text her and not get a response for hours. I would call her, but she would be busy with her new friend, a girl who was obviously replacing me. Another super immature thing? She started tweeting cryptic messages about girls who abandon their friends for their boyfriends… and they were obviously about me. At some point, I realized that K was jealous that I was in a relationship and she wasn’t. Since I wasn’t about to break up with my boyfriend to be her friend, I felt like there was nothing I could do.
In the end, our friendship just kind of ended without a word from either of us. She stopped calling me and I stopped calling her. She kept on tweeting about me and I kept ignoring it. Eventually, she deleted me off Facebook, and I knew that I had officially lost my best friend. I was angry that she had done this just because she was jealous – but I was more upset that I had lost her as my friend. Despite the fact that she could be clingy, K was my BFF. She understood me in a way a lot of other people didn’t and we had had a ton of fun together.
I still really miss K, but I have no idea how to handle things. Our friendship ended so awkwardly that I feel like there’s no salvaging things. We haven’t spoken in almost a year, but I still miss our long life talks and silly movie nights. Even though I have other BFF’s and I still have my boyfriend, I still would have loved to stay friends with K. Sometimes I consider texting her and saying hi, trying to resolve things… but other times I think about all the mean things she said about me online and how she just blew me off, and I feel like we’re better off not being in each other’s lives. So I want to know: what would you do if you were in my position?
Have you ever lost a BFF? Have you ever been in this situation? Would you try to be friends with K again if you were me? Tell me in the comments!
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