Ask A Guy: What Do Guys Think About Virgins?

Dear Ethan,

I’m a virgin and I have never been on a date with a guy. I’ve never even been kissed. I always feel like guys are totally turned off by this. Do guys really find it a turn-off if you’re a virgin and inexperienced in relationships?

Don’t despair! For one thing, did you know that in some ancient cultures, virgins were so highly regarded that they were employed as sacrificial offerings to the Gods? …Okay, so maybe that doesn’t make you feel any better. But the good news is that in general, guys are not “totally turned off” by inexperience — though the two-part question you pose does require a two-part answer.

First, not only is virginity nothing to be ashamed of, it’s also not something you should worry about guys being turned off by. For the most part, any good guy will respect and admire the fact that you don’t take sex lightly. Of course, how each specific guy will react to this information depends both upon your reasons for waiting, and the guy’s intentions. Does your religion encourage you to wait until marriage? Are you holding out for someone worthy of the privilege?  Or have you simply not had the chance to yet? Seeing as all are totally valid reasons, treat the sharing of this info with your potential partner as an opportunity to test compatibility. If he’s anything but totally understanding about your sexual history, consider yourself lucky to have avoided a relationship with a guy who’s not right for you, and possibly even a jerk.

And as for your lack of all romantic experience, I think the fact that you’ve never been kissed is really only as important as you choose to make it. It other words, a guy will less likely be turned off by the actual number of dates you’ve been on than he will by a lack of confidence over that fact. If you’re able to own your status as a dating newb, guys will be put at ease by your casually positive attitude. If you can treat your inexperience as a non-issue, he can too!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

Your virginity is really no big deal

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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10 Comments

  1. avatar Alicia says:

    I’m 18 years old, female and still a virgin. It’s not because I am religious or have planned on saving myself for marriage I just am I still have confidence with myself my sexuality etc. However I have encountered both females and males who think that just because I haven’t really in a way had the opportunity to lose my virginity that it’s weird and I’m a prude. Does anyone else come across this?

  2. avatar leslie says:

    I dated my boyfriend from the time that I was 16 y.o. to when I was a freshman in college. he was 5 years older than me. he tried to have sex with me on the second date that we had. when I was a freshman in college 18 years old , we had already set our wedding date. one night it was about 2 weeks before we were to get married and we were at a party at a friends house. it so happened that we were in one of the bed rooms hugging and kissing and he got me so hot that I let him get in between my legs and in just a few minutes he had my panties off and was putting his very large penis in me and I could tell when my hymen broke and he went all of the way inside of me and I bled quite a lot afterwards. since we were getting married I didn’t mind giving myself to him. at present we have 2 children and are still very much in love.

  3. avatar Grace says:

    I’m 26yrs and a virgin and my guy lamented that it is not good to be a virgin at my age! And i don’t want to do it until marriage. Pls help what do i do!

  4. avatar Pleroma says:

    Sex is things of the main. I love to talk about it , but i don’t do it …

  5. avatar Ciara says:

    I have heard the acutal words uttered: “better an awkward virgin than an amazing slut”. I think that answers your question.

  6. avatar LittleThings02 says:

    Okay so yeah maybe the might be like oh no she doesn’t know anything about sex…but they will love the fact that they will able to take your ‘V-Card”

  7. avatar Jessy says:

    For the longest time I worried about this too. However, now that I’m 20 and surrounded by people who truly know who I am and are willingly supporting me emotionally, I’ve found it so much easier to accept myself. I think that there’s something bigger in store for me, and every other girl in a similar situation. All you have to do is let go and realize that perhaps the “inexperience” and “virtue” outlook in this department isn’t that big of a deal after all. If you still wanna look at those two things in the rare perspective, you can call yourself a unicorn. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t think unicorns are awesome, right?

  8. avatar amy says:

    i totally agree with this. Our culture makes it seem like lack of sexual ANYTHING is a negative thing. When in reality its whatever you make it. Me personally, its a good thing NOT TO SETTLE. i held on to my “verchew” (or whatever) until i met mr.wrong. I was freshly 17 and he was pushing for it. He was a jerk. And he did not deserve it. If they push for it too much its something “they wanna steal” if its a turn off then they r jus as bad as the stealers. I waited 2 years before getting with someone again and trust me, waiting for the right person is worth it.instead of wanting to “see what the fuss was about.” my current love and i have been 2gether 3 years strong. :) lifes what u make it.

  9. avatar Rebecca says:

    I think it usually only turns off guys who are just looking to take advantage of you. Most guys respect girls who are virgins and sometimes it comes across as lack of interest, but really they just know you’re not the type to mess around.

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