Full disclosure: I’m a pretty rabid fan of The Walking Dead. I read the comics and kept up with all the zombies religiously. You know how it comes on twice in a row? I watch it twice in a row, then cozy up for Talking Dead right after. I live-tweet it. I turn off my phone when it’s on. I analyze the writing with pals. I have the board game. I want to own a katana. I always fill my gas tank in case of an outbreak of zombies. I trained myself to run faster; I have superior aim and survival skills. Now that it’s on a mid-season hiatus until February, I’m more than content to hibernate through Christmas and New Year’s until then–since I know there’s no threat of zombies attacking.
That said, when I heard there was a Walking Dead themed bikini calendar, even though I’m a straight chick, I figured it’d be pretty interesting. I pictured zombies in bikinis, basically, which would be sort of creepy and hilarious at the same time–think the bicycle chick in swimwear.
Except it’s none of those things at all.
In a behind-the-scenes look at the bikini calendar’s creation, it’s just a bunch of regular bikini calendar shots–except the girls have flesh wounds. They’re not “walkers” (as the zombies are called in the show), they’re not survivors–they’ve clearly been bitten, so they wouldn’t survive for long. They’re just scantily clad and bleeding. Does anyone else see an issue with this?
There are no zombies in sight at all in the calendar, nor are there camps, weapons, storage, ragtag militias. There’s just bloody girls in bikinis, lying around in no apparent agony. Where are all the walkers who bit them? Why do they look so calm? They’re on the beach–can zombies swim? If not, why aren’t there shots of them fashioning a raft, luring them to the ocean with a 20-piece box of chicken nuggets, and then racing back to land to grab crossbows? How did they get rug burn from sand? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.
Most importantly, where are Michonne and Daryl Dixon in all this? If we want to talk about sexy ass kicking scenes with zombies, you can’t beat these two fan favorites. But you can definitely beat this calendar. Seriously. It’s more useless than Lori Grimes in season 2.