My male best friend and I get teased a lot by people who think that we’re dating. Recently he has gotten a new girlfriend who I’ve never met and she is questioning our friendship. It is very hard for her to understand that we are truly just friends when no one else believes it either, but we really are just friends. She doesn’t want us hanging out or talking. I don’t want to lose him as a friend but I don’t want to complicate his new relationship. What should I do?
It stinks to be in this situation. I hear from a lot of girls who are worried about their boyfriend’s best girl friends, and while I can understand why they’re feeling stressed about it, I can also understand it from your point of view. If you really don’t want to lose this guy as your BFF, there are a few things you can do to make this whole thing a little easier.
It sounds like you need to get to know his girlfriend. Right now, she knows nothing about you except what she’s heard, so of course she’s intimidated by your relationship with her BF. You have a better chance at staying his friend if she becomes your friend also. Third wheel it with the two of them one day and get to know her. Show her as much attention as you show your friend and make her feel included. It might take more than one hangout sesh to get her comfortable with you, so just keep being friendly.
Don’t bring up the unspoken tension between the three of you – that will just make things awkward. But if she brings it up, explain to her how you feel. Let her know she has nothing to worry about and you just want to be friends with her BF.
If she refuses to budge and he listens to her, then there’s not much you can do since you can’t make your friend go against her. Try to stay friendly with him if you can, but it might be best to back off for a little bit, as much as that stinks for you. If you push yourself into their lives, it’s going to make her resent you more. Backing off for a little while while they establish their relationship might be a good thing. A few months into it, you can try being really friendly with him again and maybe things will change.
And if he ditches you for good? That’s his loss. If he can’t stand up to his girlfriend for his friends, then he’s got some stuff he needs to work on.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org