From The Message Boards: My Boyfriend’s Mom Doesn’t Want Us Together – What Do I Do?

my boyfriend's mom

It stinks when they don’t approve. | Source: ShutterStock

Imagine you’re dating someone perfect. You really like the person, they really like you. You too get along great, you have a lot of fun together and everything is basically amazing – except for the fact that parents are getting in the way. What would you do if your boyfriend’s mom didn’t want you two together?

That’s happening to someone right now, and when I saw her story in our message boards, I knew I had to share it. It totally stinks when your boyfriend’s mom tries to get in the middle of your relationship. So how is this girl supposed to deal? Read her story, see what some girls had to say and then let us in on your own advice.

CarissaM said:
My boyfriend (who happens to be the love of my life) and I have been together for almost a year. We started out like any typical couple would, learning about each other and our lives. We found out we had a lot in common and we seemed great for each other. About a month into our relationship, I met his parents and they approved. He was happy, his grades improved. Then he found out that I used to be depressed/slightly suicidal and wanted me to promise him that I would never be again.

I sent him a message on Facebook explaining that I take the bad things that happen in my life to heart. But I also told him that it would most likely never happen as long as I had him and my friends. Well, a few weeks later, his mom decided she could dig through his Facebook. She found the message and demanded he dump me. Of course, that didn’t happen.

We hid our relationship after that since she had teachers watching us. When she found out we didn’t break up she forced him to call me and dump me (which was obviously not real). She just recently found out we’re still together and said I’m never to text him again or she’ll put a restraining order on me. This is really starting to wear on our relationship. I’m so sick and tired of hiding and hurting. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I want to marry this boy, he’s perfect for me. But I’m scared she’ll never give up. Any advice?

Try talking to her yourself. | Source: ShutterStock

reverie0711 said:
Maybe you and your boyfriend should sit down with his mom and talk out the situation. Clearly, she’s going through quite a lot right now so she’s probably having trouble dealing with stressful situations, especially something that she worries will hurt someone she loves. But if you get the chance to explain to her that you feel secure in your life right now and have no intention of hurting her son, you may be able to work something out. Talking to her face to face may also give her a chance to get to know you and remember why she liked you before. You could also consider talking to your own parents about it, if you feel like having them to help you talk to her will help.

hotjamale said:
How old is your BF? That is absolutely ridiculous of his mother to do, and reading his texts and Facebook is such an invasion of privacy. Why doesn’t he put a password on his phone and change his password to his Facebook/make a whole new account? His mother is looking for any reason to dislike you and she has no justifiable one at all. If he can, I would really suggest your boyfriend move out. 

My advice? Try talking to his mom calmly before you suggest your boyfriend rebel any further. Explain to her how much you love her son and you don’t want to hurt him. Let her know how much her approval would mean to you. Maybe agree to set some boundaries at first to ease her mind. Try to compromise without totally sacrificing your relationship and see if she’ll give you a chance.

As for the fact that she went through your BF’s stuff – that’s definitely not right. But that’s something he needs to settle with his mom on his own. You can suggest they talk but don’t force him into a fight with her. That will only push her away from you more.

What’s your advice for dealing with a parent like this? Have you ever been in this situation? Tell us in the comments!


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  • Kylie James

    Hi. I’m 16 and my boyfriend is as well. My boyfriend and I both love each other. We started dating May 23rd of this year (2016). I met his parents the first month of us dating because they wanted to meet me and I was the first girl he took home. At first our relationship was so fun! We were laughing and having a great time. Well in our 2nd month of dating I found out a girl who is a sophomore comes over to his house because she and his little sister are best friends. I found out and I was perfectly fine with it until I found out she wasn’t wearing her shirt and she just walked around in her sports bra. I confronted her and said I wasn’t comfortable with what she was doing and if she had a boyfriend she would feel the same. She asked me if it was really that big of a deal and I said yes so please wear a shirt. She said she could wear what she wanted when she wanted. So I gave my best friend the phone to talk to her because I didn’t want to say something I didn’t mean. It got out of control with my best friend and her. My best friend told her to stop being a bitch because she thought this whole situation was funny to her. Well since she is best friends with his little sister she told her and then his little sister told his parents. It looks bad on me because I gave her my phone to text on to talk to her. Well when his parents found out they were not happy. They were mad. So I stopped texting the girl who wore her sports bra because I didn’t want to make anything worse. A couple of weeks laterms, his mom found out he snuck out to my house because I played the breakup card and she thought I told him to sneak out when I actually didn’t. Then he got a speeding ticket after that which made everything worse. She blames me for everything and he was grounded for 2 weeks without communication. He snuck out a couple of times so we could hang out. I took him home 3 times when he was grounded and his mom told me before I took him home that I needed to stay away from him and accept the fact that he is grounded. So I stopped when she said she would come to my house and talk to my parents about it. A week goes by and he gets his things back but he still isn’t allowed to come to my house and I am not allowed to go to his. My parents love him but his parents hate me or at least his mom does. She found out last night I asked him to sneak out and she is not happy. She thinks I manipulate him which I can be controlling most of the time and she thinks I changed him into a bad person. He respects people alot more and talk to them. His mom told him last night to break up with me or he was going to get his truck sold and phone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up with him at all. I love him too much.

  • hb123

    I’m dealing with the same problem. I’m a little younger than most people’s situations I’ve been reading about. I’m 15 and he is 16. We have know each other for a while but never really talked. But in beginning of March of this year we met and started talking as friends. He had a girlfriend at the time. But his mom was forcing him to break up with her. I don’t know the reason exactly I don’t know if there even was a reason. Time went by after they broke up and I was there for him every step of the way. We revealed that we liked each other a lot and were together for a while without letting his mom know with the fear that shell do it again. He asked me out may 27th because that’s when he felt safe doing it but his mom still doesn’t know. Today I was told that she said I was “next on the chopping block”. Me and my boyfriend hang out all the time even sometimes with his mom. I’m terrified of losing him because I’ve been through a lot and he’s made me happy through it all. What should I do??

  • lilvamp2012

    Hello I moved away from my boyfriend a week ago his mom is stopping us from seeing each other. We even together for 2 years and he wants to come out but his parents is stopping him from everything. He 19 years old can some one help

  • stella

    i have a problem also.can you help me plz… me and this guy love each other but aren’t in a relationship yet because his mother doesn’t wont us to be together he is 17 and i’m 20 so i don’t know if its because of the age but she is telling him not to talk to me and stuff what can we do so that she would accept us

  • Janie

    This is happening to my daughter right now. Boyfriend really likes my daughter and they have a healthy safe relationship. But his mother called the school and ask them to oversee their breakup. I was not informed. The boy said “my mother wants us to take a break in our relationship” . My daughter shocked and very sad. I learn today that this mother called the school and told them they didn’t approve of his choices. They have know each other since 3rd grade and now in 8th grade and do both have red belts in karate at same school. Should I approach this mother or what. Please will appreciate any suggestions.

  • sammy

    Hey I really need some help…me and my bf broke up was apart for a week.. nd then we sorted our differences out nd started to see each other again.. couple weeks later we got back together and thats when his parents got involved. Saying they will disown him andkeep aarguing with him until we’re together. I dont understand why they would do this?. I have always been plight to them no matter what. And his parents have said they dont like me because I have disrespected them and was being rude?! But I don’t understand how :(.. iv never done anything wrong to them or their son. And both of us ate just heartbroken and really dont know what to do?

  • ace

    Hey so i’ve been with my guy like a year now… Thing is we want to get married, he works i study, only prob is his mom and ex… They seem to be keeping tabs on us… She (the ex) always knows what goes on and i think my to be motherinlaw is behind it… She seems to avoid me all the time and i just cant handle her very well… She’s also really rude to my parents which cuases them great unease… I dont want a relationship were every family gathering is gonna be a strain, but i really wont give this guy up either… What to do

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  • Lotrnerd616

    Ahaa, the same thing happened to me. I was dating this guy for a while and he invited me round to meet his parents. I wore my best outfit – purple jeans and a skull t-shirt- and knocked on his door. His mother took one look at what I was wearing and didn’t talk to me for the whole day! She didn’t seem to like my accent either (East-London/Cockney/Essex) and made the assumption that I was the kind of kid to graffiti everywhere because I said I liked street art. Sigh. His dad was okay, but as soon as he heard that I wanted to travel the world, boom, suddenly I’m going to take his son away on a ‘dangerous journey’.

    I am obviously great at first impressions. -_-

  • Guenever

    Funny thing about this story.. if you read through the rules and conditions (i think this is still true, it was as of last year), it actually is completely against it to do that once the kid is over 16.. so it is possible that if the boy (or the girl for that matter) pushed for it, they could get the mother into legal troubles. I had a similar situation happen to me back when I still lived at home.. and this is the solution that my dad found to stop my mother from breaking into all of my information and telling lies to all of my friends in the guise of me.