Everybody thinks virginity is such a big deal. Here at Gurl, we hear from a lot of girls who are virgins and worry that people (mainly dudes) will judge them for never having had sex before. We also hear from a lot of girls who aren’t virgins and are worried that people (mainly dudes, again) will judge them for having lost their virginity already. And then there’s the slut-shaming that’s wrapped up in all of this: girls who hold their virginity up like some kind of status symbol to slam girls who have had sex, and girls who have had sex calling virgins lame or prudish.

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot. Here’s why: Your body and your sexual experiences are yours and yours alone. If you are a virgin, it’s probably because you haven’t found the right person to get that intimate with or that you’re simply not ready for something that serious. Does that make you a loser? No. Does that make you less smart, interesting, or sexy? No. But it’s also important to remember that your virginity doesn’t make you superior or better than other girls who have lost their virginity.

It’s easy to get caught up in Team V-Card or Team Sex or whatever when you’re in high school–I know, I’ve been there, and it’s not a pretty place in terms of how girls treat each other; but in the grand scheme of things, how old you are when you lose your virginity isn’t going to make a ton of difference. What will make a big difference? How you treat other people, how hard you work, and how much fun you can have on any given day.

Too many guys already judge girls based on sex–what a girl will do in bed, how far she’ll go, if he can be her “first,” whatever. Being seen as nothing more than a sexual conquest is creepy and icky and not okay, but what’s even worse is girls judging other girls for those things. Why would we do that to our own people? Being a girl and growing up is hard enough without this huge thousand pound weight of virginity to worry about. So, my advice to you, girls? Just stop worrying about it.

If you’re not a virgin anymore, I hope you’re being safe (condoms are absolutely a must!) and that you know that sex is natural, normal, and totally okay! And if you ever don’t want to do it–even though you’ve done it before–don’t feel like you have to. If you are a virgin, I hope you’re not too obsessed with virginity and get that one day you’ll probably have sex, and that it’s so totally okay that it hasn’t happened yet. Just don’t do it to be popular or because you think it’s the thing to do, unless it’s the right thing for you.

What do you think about virginity? Do you think it is a big deal, or am I right that we put too much importance on it? Tell me in the comments!

What Really Counts As Virginity, Anyway?

Follow Us On Twitter

---