Your Virginity (Or Lack Thereof) Is Really No Big Deal

virginity being a virgin isn't a big deal

Don’t let the whole V-Card thing get you down. | Source: Shutterstock

Everybody thinks virginity is such a big deal. Here at Gurl, we hear from a lot of girls who are virgins and worry that people (mainly dudes) will judge them for never having had sex before. We also hear from a lot of girls who aren’t virgins and are worried that people (mainly dudes, again) will judge them for having lost their virginity already. And then there’s the slut-shaming that’s wrapped up in all of this: girls who hold their virginity up like some kind of status symbol to slam girls who have had sex, and girls who have had sex calling virgins lame or prudish.

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot. Here’s why: Your body and your sexual experiences are yours and yours alone. If you are a virgin, it’s probably because you haven’t found the right person to get that intimate with or that you’re simply not ready for something that serious. Does that make you a loser? No. Does that make you less smart, interesting, or sexy? No. But it’s also important to remember that your virginity doesn’t make you superior or better than other girls who have lost their virginity.

It’s easy to get caught up in Team V-Card or Team Sex or whatever when you’re in high school–I know, I’ve been there, and it’s not a pretty place in terms of how girls treat each other; but in the grand scheme of things, how old you are when you lose your virginity isn’t going to make a ton of difference. What will make a big difference? How you treat other people, how hard you work, and how much fun you can have on any given day.

Too many guys already judge girls based on sex–what a girl will do in bed, how far she’ll go, if he can be her “first,” whatever. Being seen as nothing more than a sexual conquest is creepy and icky and not okay, but what’s even worse is girls judging other girls for those things. Why would we do that to our own people? Being a girl and growing up is hard enough without this huge thousand pound weight of virginity to worry about. So, my advice to you, girls? Just stop worrying about it.

If you’re not a virgin anymore, I hope you’re being safe (condoms are absolutely a must!) and that you know that sex is natural, normal, and totally okay! And if you ever don’t want to do it–even though you’ve done it before–don’t feel like you have to. If you are a virgin, I hope you’re not too obsessed with virginity and get that one day you’ll probably have sex, and that it’s so totally okay that it hasn’t happened yet. Just don’t do it to be popular or because you think it’s the thing to do, unless it’s the right thing for you.

What do you think about virginity? Do you think it is a big deal, or am I right that we put too much importance on it? Tell me in the comments!

What Really Counts As Virginity, Anyway?

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9 Comments

  1. avatarElana says:

    Sometimes I wish I was a virgin. I lost my virginity to my ex-boyfriend. We were dating at the time & were off & on for over a year at the time. It wasn’t a pretty place for a first time at all, but I thought I loved him. After the first time, he became obsessed with it, ad our relationship became based on sex. I absolutely hated it. He begged every time we saw each other, and I would sit there and constantly tell him no, but he begged until I said yes, with or without a condom, he just has to have his way. It scares me, and the thought still scares me.
    I’ve I’ve hooked up with two people since then. The first guy after him was many years older than me. 5 years to be exact. He was some guy I didn’t even know, buy he was related to one of my closest friends. I didn’t want to have sex, but I was afraid to say no. I thought he would take me either way. It was painful, but At the time I though he was sweet and that it was just his size. He wanted to have sex with me after I told my friends & him that I’ve had sex before. He even lied to me about himself to have sex with me and made himself in control when we did it.
    The next guy use to date one of my very close friends. I was crushing On him while they. We’re together, but didn’t date do anything when they were together. Well one day he broke up with her & started flirting with me. He thought of me as easy & he made it obvious that he never wanted to date me, and we hooked up. He never liked me remotely, he just was horny because his ex-girlfriend didn’t put out like I did. And I felt like shit afterwards. The only reason I put out so easily is because I believed that’s the only way people would want me. I felt like it was the only way anyone saw me. I hated it, but I didn’t what else to do. And after we hooked up, he started dating my friend again. He also ignored for awhile. I was hurting bad.
    Now I’m with his best friend. He’s the greatest so far. I’ve told him my story and accepts me & doesn’t expect anything from me. He makes me feel so great about myself & says that in no way am I to be blamed for my past. He is helping me gain my confidence & is letting me have a voice of my own. I never thought a guy like that existed, and I am so glad I was proven wrong. We’ve only been together for a month, be he has done so much for me, and I don’t think he even knows it. This relationship may not last forever, but I will always remember him, be constantly thankful to him, and always have a place for him in my heart, along with my dearest friends and family. And maybe one day I will know what sex is with pleasure and happiness attached to it.

  2. avatartucka says:

    losing it at age 17-19 seems right to me

  3. avatarEw says:

    Losing your V in HS is not cute …

    • avatarMarilyn says:

      There is nothing wrong with losing your virginity in high school, as long as you are educated about sex and can trust the person you are with. You are one of the people responsible for making young girls ashamed of themselves for no reason.

    • avatarmedic says:

      Reading your comment “EW” you must be

      FUGLY
      FRUSTRATED
      INSECURE
      LACK CONFIDENCE
      FRIGID
      PRUDE
      SUFFERING FROM VAGINISMUS
      YOU HAVE BAD BODY ODOUR
      YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT AND HENCE UNATTRACTIVE

      Stop making those stupid comments. Sexuality is an individual thing. Sex is part of normal behaviour. There is nothing virtuous about abstainance or delaying your first sexual experience. Neither is it something to triumph about. Treat sex like any other natural bodily function and look at it as a way that helps develop intimate bonds in relationships.

      Sex is okay and normal once puberty hits you. Anything before that is ABNORMAL and must be condemned. Who you do it with is also your business. Choice is an individual thing.

      Very importantly – BE BROADMINDED AND OPEN. PLZ DONT JUDGE.

      • avatarmelody says:

        I agree with you so much. I hate girls judging others and slut shamin and callin names.
        Just because they cannot get a bf or dont have the confidence to have sex dont give them the right to name call girls who are in a relationship and having fun. I hate such girls. We have a few in our school even in my grade 9.
        And you are right, most of them are fat and ugly too.. lol

  4. avatarJane says:

    Harrysexual? Prince Harry?

  5. avatarAllyS says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years, and we’ve been intimate since our first anniversary. We’ve agreed that we don’t want to really tell anyone that we’re having sex. But when the topic comes up and my friends all announce they’re virgins, I wish I had the courage to tell them because I do feel ashamed of it, even though I do love my boyfriend. In the end, it’s up to you if you do it and it’s up to you AND your partner if you tell anyone. If my boyfriend had told the whole school about us, we wouldn’t still be together.

  6. avatarmaya says:

    I’m team Harrysexual.

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