Do guys like it when girls text them first? Or do you think its the guy’s job to do that? Also, when he does text you first, should you wait a while to text him back so he doesn’t think you’re just waiting around for him?
I tend to believe that assigning dating “jobs” to specific genders is a thing of my parents’ (or even their parents’) age, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a guy’s responsibility to open communication. And, as I wrote a few weeks ago, we love it when girls take initiative. Whether you’ve yet to go on a date, or have been hooking up for months, you should totally feel free to text him first. If the guy is into you, he’ll simply be psyched to hear from you.
Now, how and when you follow up from the initial contact is another story. I don’t believe in playing games once you’re in a relationship or have established some sort of exclusivity, but a little bit of mystery can only make things more exciting. You don’t have to adhere to any crazy hardfast laws (we’ve all heard of the “Three Day,” “One Hour,” or “Make Him Suffer” rules when it comes to returning a guy’s phone call), but it’s especially important in the opening weeks of any budding romance to be aware of pacing. This is absolutely crucial! For any relationship to take off, you must both be aware of how much space to give or pressure to apply, depending on the signs each of you put out there.
I want to stress again that there is absolutely never any harm in making the first move–but when you’re not getting back what you’re putting in, you have to kick back and wait for the guy to pull his own weight. Furthermore, if you’re not finding his consistently lame-o responses of “k” satisfying, or he habitually takes the “Make Her Suffer” response-time rule to the limits, the guy just might not be right for you. Ultimately, you’ll know you’ve found a match when the flirtatious gameplay feels exciting and fun, rather than like Chinese water torture.
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.