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Should you do it… or wait for him to make the move? | Source: ShutterStock
Dear Ethan,
Do guys like it when girls text them first? Or do you think its the guy’s job to do that? Also, when he does text you first, should you wait a while to text him back so he doesn’t think you’re just waiting around for him?
I tend to believe that assigning dating “jobs” to specific genders is a thing of my parents’ (or even their parents’) age, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a guy’s responsibility to open communication. And, as I wrote a few weeks ago, we love it when girls take initiative. Whether you’ve yet to go on a date, or have been hooking up for months, you should totally feel free to text him first. If the guy is into you, he’ll simply be psyched to hear from you.
Now, how and when you follow up from the initial contact is another story. I don’t believe in playing games once you’re in a relationship or have established some sort of exclusivity, but a little bit of mystery can only make things more exciting. You don’t have to adhere to any crazy hardfast laws (we’ve all heard of the “Three Day,” “One Hour,” or “Make Him Suffer” rules when it comes to returning a guy’s phone call), but it’s especially important in the opening weeks of any budding romance to be aware of pacing. This is absolutely crucial! For any relationship to take off, you must both be aware of how much space to give or pressure to apply, depending on the signs each of you put out there.
I want to stress again that there is absolutely never any harm in making the first move–but when you’re not getting back what you’re putting in, you have to kick back and wait for the guy to pull his own weight. Furthermore, if you’re not finding his consistently lame-o responses of “k” satisfying, or he habitually takes the “Make Her Suffer” response-time rule to the limits, the guy just might not be right for you. Ultimately, you’ll know you’ve found a match when the flirtatious gameplay feels exciting and fun, rather than like Chinese water torture.
Good luck!
Ethan
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!
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Here is my story.It has been 2 months that I have a crush on the barmaid (yes yes, the super hot guy).Finally on friday night I decided to talk to him. He said that he noticed my beautiful big eyes and I replied that it could be cool to see each others outside the bar. So he gave me a piece of paper in which I wrote my number and…surprise! He also gave me his number.1) I don’t understand why he gave me his number since I gave mine first 2) It is sunday night and neither me or him made the first move.Any suggestions out there will be much appreciated.
Hi NathNut,
1. Most likely he wants you to contact him. It is gentlemanly way of saying ‘call me when you need me’. But let’s just say: when a man is really really interested – he doesn’t wait to text or call.
So there’s this guy I like, except he’s a year older than me so we’re not in any of the same classes. But, we are friends through marching band. And one day I fb messaged him and we started talking that way almost everyday, except I always had to initiate conversation. But one day, my laptop was dying so he gave me his # and we started texting everyday, but same story, I always have to say hi first. Every time I say hey he responds within a minute or two and our conversations last for around 9 hours into the wee hours of the morning without ever getting boring. But, even though I see him in the hall and during band, he never says hi to me, but he will talk to me if I say hi first.
Why won’t he ever say hi first, in person or in texting? Help me, thanks.
If I were u, I would send him a sms like “Hi!” while he is around my area
I met this really nice guy saturday night , he asked for my number and called 15mins laterbut i missed the call so next day I text to appologise for not answering and we texted all day ,he even asked me to lunch – i couldnt go because I was workwing ! It has now been 3 days should I text him or wait it out ?
Soo I got this guy from works number from our phone number sheet and I want to text him so badly but I don’t know what to say without looking like a stalker I feel like he likes me! He flirts all the time! any advice or should I just not text him??
I’m the exact same way, and it’s almost 1 in the morning here and of course my thoughts go to him. I just don’t know what to say or I’m afraid of what he has to say back or if he’ll tell his friends, who happened to be both guys and some of the girls I kinda know. Please let me know if someone replies
So, I met this guy a week ago. We started texting and then we stopped. A few days ago he sent me a text and we talked for eleven hours and then yesterday he sent me a text and we talked for seven hours. He’s mentioned that we should start a relationship, but we have yet to do so. Anyway, I’m wondering that if I sent him a text would I sound pushy or clingy? Any ideas?
I met this guy a couple of months ago and weve been talking for a while now and we text everyday like a lot. but lately our conversations have gotten shorter cus we usually text at night and now its been 2 days and he hasnt texted me back. and I dont know what to do cus I feel like he l ikes me but if he did then y would he text me. I was the last one to text two nights ago so I feel like I need to wait for im to make the attempt. and he usually always does. even if hes the last one to say goodnight hes the first one to text the next day. I just dont know what happened this time
If you two have been texting for some time and he suddenly stopped its probably he didnt get your last msg or is busy? or he could be playing a game. Just be cool and text him back. Just say, “Hey, whats up?” like nothing happened. Or if u dont feel comfortable just text him and say something reminded u of him. “I was listening to XXX band today and it reminded me of our conversation the other day! How’s it going??” simple as that. He will be thrilled to hear from you!
There is this guy I really like, I see him every now and then. And every time he would flirt with me but never tried to get my number or anything. So I went for it and ask him for his number. When I text him he throws flirt msgs every now and then but I am not completely sure if he is into me or he just wants to be friends.
He sent me a msg saying that he really aprecciate me asking for his number that he didnt know what I was expecting but that he is a good guy.
How do I know if he is interested or he is just being way too nice.?
Too vague. You made the bold move on getting his number AND texting him. Now the ball is his court, let him ask you out! If he keeps flirting and not going to do anything about it then he is just flirting bc he likes the attention you give him. that’s it.
They need to chase you, not the other way around.
Ok so I was literally just readin this stuff wonderin the same thing as the rest of u SHOULD I TEXT HIM FIRST? I really like this boy n he like me 2 n he always text me first, but every other day he wouldn’t text me cause he wanted to wait for me to text him first n he told me that one day when we were talkin n I told him that guys were supposed to take INITIATIVE (that was just yesterday) n I’ve kinda been hoping he’d text me the whole day n guess what? As soon as I finished reading this article guess who texted me? Yup it was him. So I urge u DON’T TEXT HIM FIRST! It may take a while n it might be EXTREMELY HARD, but you don’t want to find urself caring more than he does and females tend to get more emotionally attached more quickly n easily, so guard your heart, man. Delete his number if u have to, but please I just realized if I guy really likes he WILL make the effort. If he doesn’t, then trust me he’s not worth it. Just move ON TO THE NEXT ON ON TO THE NEXT ONE lol
I met a guy a couple days ago. We talked and he was really nice, just casual. He gave me his number, but I am NOT interested in any relationships right now. Should I text him? And if I do, how can we just be friends?
So i like this guy. And he likes me. But i have a boyfriend. I told the other guy, the one i like, nothing is going to happen between us simply because i have a boyfriend. I pushed away. And now i miss him. Should i chase him back?
So I met this guy and we c eachother on weekends because his family is my moms neighbor well he flirts he teases me he stares at me but im confused on what to do because I txt hm Saturday and he txt me for a while and today he hasn’t txt me back any can someone plz tell me whats going on
Do not worry he will reply to you just give him some space he needs to breath you know I m not saying you’re annoying you just care but let him have time for his friends and familly
be with the guy that treats u better and makes u happier. If u dnt go after the guy u will always wander if it could have worked u will never know till u try
Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve that. If you’re willing to ‘like’ someone else and are considering ‘chasing’ him back while dating your boyfriend, the relationship will simply crumble.
Well, ok so I’ve liked this one guy pretty much all year (including while i was dating someone) and we sat next to each other in two of my classes for a while and he always messed with me and we kinda flirted and stuff. So, my friend gave me his number (cheesy, I know) so I figured why not? And texted him. He had to go to church about an hour later, and we haven’t talked since then. That was a week ago. Would it be lame to text him, or would he text me if he wanted to talk to me? My friend (the one who gave me his number) told me that he never texts anyone first and that he’s kind of shy, but I don’t know. Should I text him, or not?
Just be like hey the worst he can do is not reply
I really like this guy and I got his number so I started texting him. He takes forever to respond but when he finally does respond we normally text for a long time. He drops flirty comments every now and then, but nothing too specific. He always stops texting me if I even mention another guy’s name. He talks about the type of girls he can’t stand and occasionally his ex. I sometimes feel really stupid texting first because he does take so long to reply. I feel like I’m bothering him, but then again sometimes he seems really interested in the conversation. I’m just really confused because I’m usually the one texting first. If he liked me too, wouldn’t he want to text me or possibly be waiting for my text?
So there’s this guy. who totally hates me right now, but we used to be like best friends and then I fell for him and even though I didnt tell him or act any different, he stopped talking to me completely one day. when I tried to talk to him he didn’t give me an answer. When I’m with my friends he acts normal and otherwise he ignores me and says hurtful things. And he’s ‘best friends’ with one of my close friends. In another two months we probably won’t see each other again ever, should I tell him I like him even though I know he hates me?
So I had got a new phone and put a status on Facebook with my num. saying
To text me. So this cute boy did, we talked and talked. And then yesterday
he just took longer and longer to text back. But then I this kid started messaging me and I had no idea who he was or how he knew me so (the boy I had talked to) messaged him and said “are you messing with my girl”. We talked for a while after that and then I went to bed. He hasn’t text me all day. Should I text him first or wait?
I sorta have the same problem though it’s the other way around. And i feel bad for this best friend of mine his name is Frank he a really smart boy who’s half irish (red hair,freckles,really skinny,wears glasses.) And i have become a really good friend of his because most girls will think he’s really weird nerdy/geeky wimpy. And he has told me he has never had a best friend- girl. So then he somehow got my phone number from one of y friends at first i kinda freak out a little but then i was like ok because we use to talk on fb chat but i dissactivated my fb later. So its explains much but then it resulted he likes me a lot but hes shy to ask me out but he has told one of my friends before he has a crush one me and he won’t stop txt me i want him just as a friend not in that way. But hes really sensitive. neither do i wanna be those persons who won’t txt back like till few days later. (punish him) i will usually say i gtg somewhere or ill txt u later im busy. What should i do?
I think you just need to tell him. It will hurt him more if you just keep letting him think that he could possibly be your boyfriend. And when you tell him it doesn’t have to be in a mean way it could be nicely like ” hey! My friends keep telling me you like me, but I don’t really want a relationship. I’m really flattered though.” But I would do it in person, not at school or through friends, but go to the park or a fun place. And show him your better friends then a couple. Good luck!
i met a guy about month ago, we went out on couple of dates and he has been inviting me over to his place.the last time i went to his place we had sexual intercourse wc was about 2 weeks ago, since then he hasn’t called to invite me to his place, but he calls me to find out how am doing but seems to be always very busy and i really want to spend some time with him.
he found you not sexy
I don’t know if you necessarily found you “not sexy,” but it does sound like it’s time to move on, Dorothy. He’s clearly distracted, or not invested enough to give him any more of a chance… Try to forget about him!
-Ethan
I got a guys number texted him and now we are dating.. so i guess it works..
SCORE.