Ask A Guy: Do Guys Care If A Girl Texts Them First?

should I text first

Should you do it… or wait for him to make the move? | Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

Do guys like it when girls text them first? Or do you think its the guy’s job to do that? Also, when he does text you first, should you wait a while to text him back so he doesn’t think you’re just waiting around for him?

I tend to believe that assigning dating “jobs” to specific genders is a thing of my parents’ (or even their parents’) age, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a guy’s responsibility to open communication. And, as I wrote a few weeks ago, we love it when girls take initiative. Whether you’ve yet to go on a date, or have been hooking up for months, you should totally feel free to text him first. If the guy is into you, he’ll simply be psyched to hear from you.

Now, how and when you follow up from the initial contact is another story. I don’t believe in playing games once you’re in a relationship or have established some sort of exclusivity, but a little bit of mystery can only make things more exciting. You don’t have to adhere to any crazy hardfast laws (we’ve all heard of the “Three Day,” “One Hour,” or “Make Him Suffer” rules when it comes to returning a guy’s phone call), but it’s especially important in the opening weeks of any budding romance to be aware of pacing. This is absolutely crucial! For any relationship to take off, you must both be aware of how much space to give or pressure to apply, depending on the signs each of you put out there.

I want to stress again that there is absolutely never any harm in making the first move–but when you’re not getting back what you’re putting in, you have to kick back and wait for the guy to pull his own weight. Furthermore, if you’re not finding his consistently lame-o responses of “k” satisfying, or he habitually takes the “Make Her Suffer” response-time rule to the limits, the guy just might not be right for you. Ultimately, you’ll know you’ve found a match when the flirtatious gameplay feels exciting and fun, rather than like Chinese water torture.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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69 Comments

  1. avatarParis says:

    I been text buddy with this guy for about 6 or 7 yrs now and we finally hear our voice the other day the connection click with us it was not a boring phone call but now we back to the texting part and I always texting first and he reply back… 1-2 yrs ago he text first but some reason he stop he say keep loosing my number but I do have strong feeling this guy, he lived 1 hrs from me and about to moved close by me soon ..I already told him about 3-4 times I liked him more than a friend ..now everyday I be the one texting him first and reply back I want him to notice me

  2. avatarjj says:

    I recently ran into an old fling from very many years ago and we went on a date well needless to say we slept together… He was someone I did have feelings for at one time and after the other night it did reignite a little bit of the same feelings. He did text me the next day said we should hang out again soon but hasn’t texted me since then. Should I text first or just call it a lost cause?

  3. avatarConfused says:

    There’s this guy we’ve been friends for a long time kissed a few weeks ago then last we we hooked up and did more now I’m confused we’re still texting but it’s just bk to friends but he will text first then il reply then he will just stop replying whatvi this? Does he want more maybe? Or just making sure we’re still friends?

  4. avatarAlex says:

    There’s this guy I really really really like. We see each other during the academic year (we teach Sunday school together) but we go to different high schools so I don’t see him much. I see him every Sunday at church but we can’t talk there. We do text but I always initiate it. He sends very long and detailed respondes and seems interested in talking to me but he doesn’t text first. Should I stop trying? I feel like he must at least like me as a friend by his texting style to me but his lack of initiating it makes me nervous. Thanks!

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