Boards
Should you do it… or wait for him to make the move? | Source: ShutterStock
Dear Ethan,
Do guys like it when girls text them first? Or do you think its the guy’s job to do that? Also, when he does text you first, should you wait a while to text him back so he doesn’t think you’re just waiting around for him?
I tend to believe that assigning dating “jobs” to specific genders is a thing of my parents’ (or even their parents’) age, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a guy’s responsibility to open communication. And, as I wrote a few weeks ago, we love it when girls take initiative. Whether you’ve yet to go on a date, or have been hooking up for months, you should totally feel free to text him first. If the guy is into you, he’ll simply be psyched to hear from you.
Now, how and when you follow up from the initial contact is another story. I don’t believe in playing games once you’re in a relationship or have established some sort of exclusivity, but a little bit of mystery can only make things more exciting. You don’t have to adhere to any crazy hardfast laws (we’ve all heard of the “Three Day,” “One Hour,” or “Make Him Suffer” rules when it comes to returning a guy’s phone call), but it’s especially important in the opening weeks of any budding romance to be aware of pacing. This is absolutely crucial! For any relationship to take off, you must both be aware of how much space to give or pressure to apply, depending on the signs each of you put out there.
I want to stress again that there is absolutely never any harm in making the first move–but when you’re not getting back what you’re putting in, you have to kick back and wait for the guy to pull his own weight. Furthermore, if you’re not finding his consistently lame-o responses of “k” satisfying, or he habitually takes the “Make Her Suffer” response-time rule to the limits, the guy just might not be right for you. Ultimately, you’ll know you’ve found a match when the flirtatious gameplay feels exciting and fun, rather than like Chinese water torture.
Good luck!
Ethan
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!
How much do dudes care about a girls weight?
Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter
New Quiz!
Bedroom Quiz!
So I had got a new phone and put a status on Facebook with my num. saying
To text me. So this cute boy did, we talked and talked. And then yesterday
he just took longer and longer to text back. But then I this kid started messaging me and I had no idea who he was or how he knew me so (the boy I had talked to) messaged him and said “are you messing with my girl”. We talked for a while after that and then I went to bed. He hasn’t text me all day. Should I text him first or wait?
I sorta have the same problem though it’s the other way around. And i feel bad for this best friend of mine his name is Frank he a really smart boy who’s half irish (red hair,freckles,really skinny,wears glasses.) And i have become a really good friend of his because most girls will think he’s really weird nerdy/geeky wimpy. And he has told me he has never had a best friend- girl. So then he somehow got my phone number from one of y friends at first i kinda freak out a little but then i was like ok because we use to talk on fb chat but i dissactivated my fb later. So its explains much but then it resulted he likes me a lot but hes shy to ask me out but he has told one of my friends before he has a crush one me and he won’t stop txt me i want him just as a friend not in that way. But hes really sensitive. neither do i wanna be those persons who won’t txt back like till few days later. (punish him) i will usually say i gtg somewhere or ill txt u later im busy. What should i do?
I think you just need to tell him. It will hurt him more if you just keep letting him think that he could possibly be your boyfriend. And when you tell him it doesn’t have to be in a mean way it could be nicely like ” hey! My friends keep telling me you like me, but I don’t really want a relationship. I’m really flattered though.” But I would do it in person, not at school or through friends, but go to the park or a fun place. And show him your better friends then a couple. Good luck!
i met a guy about month ago, we went out on couple of dates and he has been inviting me over to his place.the last time i went to his place we had sexual intercourse wc was about 2 weeks ago, since then he hasn’t called to invite me to his place, but he calls me to find out how am doing but seems to be always very busy and i really want to spend some time with him.
he found you not sexy
I don’t know if you necessarily found you “not sexy,” but it does sound like it’s time to move on, Dorothy. He’s clearly distracted, or not invested enough to give him any more of a chance… Try to forget about him!
-Ethan
I got a guys number texted him and now we are dating.. so i guess it works..
SCORE.