My Two Best Friends Leave Me Out All The Time!

Hi Heather,

I have these two best friends that have been make me feel really left out recently. Usually it’s the three of us in a group, but lately it seems as if they prefer each other other me (which they probably do). They don’t hang out with me and they only hang out amongst themselves and they make me feel so bad! I’ve spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because I miss them and don’t understand what I did wrong. It hurts even more because I’ve known them for years. I tried telling them how I was feeling before and it seemed to work at the time, but things have gone back to me being left out. We are in all the same classes and they talk to me at school but whenever it’s after class, they pair up and leave me out. I feel as if I’m not good enough. They make me feel worthless. Please give me some advice!!

I’m so sorry you feel this way! You should never be made to feel worthless by anyone, especially people who are supposed to be your best friends. It stinks that they’re leaving you out and I don’t blame you for feeling so down about this.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen more than once in groups of friends, especially three friends – one girl always seems to get pushed to the side while the other two girls get closer and closer. Sometimes this is an honest mistake. It’s natural for some friendships to get stronger during a period of time while others get weaker. It’s possible that your friends don’t realize just how much they’re leaving you out and hurting you.

Try talking to them about this again, and maybe this time, talk to them each one-on-one. Explain to both of them exactly how you feel – hurt, lonely, sad and confused. Let them know how much you care about them and how much their friendship means to you. Tell them you’re not trying to tear them apart, but you would like for things to go back to the way they were when the three of you hung out all the time.

If they apologize and seem sincerely sorry and make an effort to include you, then great! Make an effort to keep yourself included. Don’t always wait for them to call or ask you to hang out. If you see them leaving class together, join them. If you overhear them making plans, ask if you can come. You don’t have to be super pushy, but asking if you can come along once in a while might help things.

If things between the three of you start to seem awkward or weird or really forced, or if they don’t change at all after your second talk, then I’m sorry to this, but you guys might have just grown apart. This happens a lot in friendships, sometimes no matter how much we want it to. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. Losing a friend is sad and it’s okay to feel bummed out about it.

But what you should never feel is worthless, stupid or not good enough for people. If your friends don’t want to make time for you, then they’re the ones who are missing out. Try to forget about them as much as possible and move on to friends who care about you and love you. Try getting closer to your other friends by hanging out and talking to them more. Short on pals? Get yourself involved in a fun after school activity or just try striking up a convo with that girl who seems cool in your gym period. Making new friends is easier than you think.

take care,
Heather

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  • LeLe

    My friends leave me out and say they can’t hangout, then post pictures on social media and I feel terrible. I feel like they don’t care about me one bit. Even if I make plans with one of them they HAVE to invite someone else… I feel like they just hate me. Some times I wonder if they ever really wanted to be my friends. My one “friend” she always makes fun of me… I just want to say something as ride back but I’m being the better person and not stooping down to her level. If anyone is ever left out constantly… i know how you feel but NEVER give up because there is always someone that loves you.

  • Vicky

    Maybe they’re lesbian…. find someone better. They’re just two bits of rubbish

  • Zarina

    This type of thing is happening to me right now. It is very painful to go through with because they’ve grown apart from me and they keep all the things to themselves without usually telling me or so. Few months ago, we had a ‘silent fight’ and from that day on for the rest of 3 weeks they didn’t talk, eye contact or even wave a ‘hi’ to me. At that time, I didn’t know what I did wrong and I thought they had a very bad day so I just let it be until a week had passed on. Because of that, we begin to part from each other day by day. We barely talk nor laugh like crazy hell anymore like the old days. Sometimes I blame it all on me because I feel like I’m bring bad luck to our friendship.

    • kia b

      I know just how you feel, the same thing is happening to me and I don’t know what to do!!!

  • Aryana

    I have kind of the same thing happening to me. My best friend already had a best friend before we met. Now I feel like I have to compete with her other best friend, just so that I can have one-on-one time with my best friend. I’m still trying to figure out if I should move on or if the three of us can eventually overcome this. Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you!

  • L

    This mostly happens to everyone. Best thing to do is move on and find someone else.

  • Briana

    This is happening to me right now. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I hate it

    • Helper#1

      We all have to learn how to make the best choices for ourselves.
      That boy(whoever he is)is young, when you’re young, you don’t really
      Make permanent desicions because you are still growing and when
      You finally grow up, that’s when you’ll have all your choices, and that’s
      When you decide. The reason God may take something away is because
      The next thing he has planned for you is even better

    • abi

      i really fell like just ignoring my life. but should this be a constant one……..

  • lucina

    i know exactly how u feel. When i first went to secondary school, me and a girl where best mates but she had too many other mates too. So i finally got close to one of her.mates, and they got really close again too leaving me out. That girls mate is now coming round mine soon because i explained too HER how i felt. Turned out she was more understanding than my so called best mate. Try getting close to just one of them first with a cinfident attitude and act like nothing is wrong. You get that girl back definatly.

  • T

    There sud be many reason .. Some ppl just wanna take advantage from friends .. Thry can’t even tell this cud be annoying for other ppl .
    Always respect yorself… Don’t asume what they are saying or ignoreing u … If u feel they ar really avoiding u …jus ignore them 10times more they have done :p
    Sorry for bad english , but once again u r the only one your best friend .. Don’t let ppl manipulate you .

  • Julia

    I have the SAME EXACT thing happening to me :( it really sucks. They do there best to include me, but they are aways whispering and running around laughing together. Im not sure how to get them back :( If I even can, im not sure if they even like me anymore.

  • Abigal McFaland

    My friend, has been best friends with me since preschool, and I have noticed her slipping away :( We use to be together all the time but now she has found a ‘new’ friend and I feel like that ‘friend’ is taking her away from me? It’s not fair.. & I think i’m just jealous. They got these ‘bestfriend’ necklaces and I feel like i’ve been replaced. I mean i’m friends with both of them, but sometimes they team up on me. But if I say something to them, they’ll say im ‘starting drama’, but they really don’t know how I feel because i’m a jock. Any suggestions?

    • Anzari Nurulia

      have you talk to her? Why don’t you talk to her and make her realize with what she just did? And also, try to find new friends so if she keep staying away from you, you can just forget her and hanging out with your new friends ;)