I have these two best friends that have been make me feel really left out recently. Usually it’s the three of us in a group, but lately it seems as if they prefer each other other me (which they probably do). They don’t hang out with me and they only hang out amongst themselves and they make me feel so bad! I’ve spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because I miss them and don’t understand what I did wrong. It hurts even more because I’ve known them for years. I tried telling them how I was feeling before and it seemed to work at the time, but things have gone back to me being left out. We are in all the same classes and they talk to me at school but whenever it’s after class, they pair up and leave me out. I feel as if I’m not good enough. They make me feel worthless. Please give me some advice!!
I’m so sorry you feel this way! You should never be made to feel worthless by anyone, especially people who are supposed to be your best friends. It stinks that they’re leaving you out and I don’t blame you for feeling so down about this.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen more than once in groups of friends, especially three friends – one girl always seems to get pushed to the side while the other two girls get closer and closer. Sometimes this is an honest mistake. It’s natural for some friendships to get stronger during a period of time while others get weaker. It’s possible that your friends don’t realize just how much they’re leaving you out and hurting you.
Try talking to them about this again, and maybe this time, talk to them each one-on-one. Explain to both of them exactly how you feel – hurt, lonely, sad and confused. Let them know how much you care about them and how much their friendship means to you. Tell them you’re not trying to tear them apart, but you would like for things to go back to the way they were when the three of you hung out all the time.
If they apologize and seem sincerely sorry and make an effort to include you, then great! Make an effort to keep yourself included. Don’t always wait for them to call or ask you to hang out. If you see them leaving class together, join them. If you overhear them making plans, ask if you can come. You don’t have to be super pushy, but asking if you can come along once in a while might help things.
If things between the three of you start to seem awkward or weird or really forced, or if they don’t change at all after your second talk, then I’m sorry to this, but you guys might have just grown apart. This happens a lot in friendships, sometimes no matter how much we want it to. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. Losing a friend is sad and it’s okay to feel bummed out about it.
But what you should never feel is worthless, stupid or not good enough for people. If your friends don’t want to make time for you, then they’re the ones who are missing out. Try to forget about them as much as possible and move on to friends who care about you and love you. Try getting closer to your other friends by hanging out and talking to them more. Short on pals? Get yourself involved in a fun after school activity or just try striking up a convo with that girl who seems cool in your gym period. Making new friends is easier than you think.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org