My Two Best Friends Leave Me Out All The Time!

Hi Heather,

I have these two best friends that have been make me feel really left out recently. Usually it’s the three of us in a group, but lately it seems as if they prefer each other other me (which they probably do). They don’t hang out with me and they only hang out amongst themselves and they make me feel so bad! I’ve spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because I miss them and don’t understand what I did wrong. It hurts even more because I’ve known them for years. I tried telling them how I was feeling before and it seemed to work at the time, but things have gone back to me being left out. We are in all the same classes and they talk to me at school but whenever it’s after class, they pair up and leave me out. I feel as if I’m not good enough. They make me feel worthless. Please give me some advice!!

I’m so sorry you feel this way! You should never be made to feel worthless by anyone, especially people who are supposed to be your best friends. It stinks that they’re leaving you out and I don’t blame you for feeling so down about this.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen more than once in groups of friends, especially three friends – one girl always seems to get pushed to the side while the other two girls get closer and closer. Sometimes this is an honest mistake. It’s natural for some friendships to get stronger during a period of time while others get weaker. It’s possible that your friends don’t realize just how much they’re leaving you out and hurting you.

Try talking to them about this again, and maybe this time, talk to them each one-on-one. Explain to both of them exactly how you feel – hurt, lonely, sad and confused. Let them know how much you care about them and how much their friendship means to you. Tell them you’re not trying to tear them apart, but you would like for things to go back to the way they were when the three of you hung out all the time.

If they apologize and seem sincerely sorry and make an effort to include you, then great! Make an effort to keep yourself included. Don’t always wait for them to call or ask you to hang out. If you see them leaving class together, join them. If you overhear them making plans, ask if you can come. You don’t have to be super pushy, but asking if you can come along once in a while might help things.

If things between the three of you start to seem awkward or weird or really forced, or if they don’t change at all after your second talk, then I’m sorry to this, but you guys might have just grown apart. This happens a lot in friendships, sometimes no matter how much we want it to. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. Losing a friend is sad and it’s okay to feel bummed out about it.

But what you should never feel is worthless, stupid or not good enough for people. If your friends don’t want to make time for you, then they’re the ones who are missing out. Try to forget about them as much as possible and move on to friends who care about you and love you. Try getting closer to your other friends by hanging out and talking to them more. Short on pals? Get yourself involved in a fun after school activity or just try striking up a convo with that girl who seems cool in your gym period. Making new friends is easier than you think.

take care,

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  • DatBluz

    Geez, i have a big lump in my throat every time i see my friends. Ive been like, glued to my friend (lets call her Jesse). She even has the same last name as me (no, we are not related)!! But in second grade i met another girl (lets call her Julia) aaaaannnnd she was pretty nice. Whenever I had problems with Jesse or when Jesse and I started fighting, she would always be an open ear for me. She was loyal and trustworthy. We eventually became good friends. But then Jesse got in trouble during a heated argument over who was who’s friend. Our thin and shaky friendship snapped clean in half.

    Julia was my only thread to hold on to, but sadly, she didn’t know who’s side to choose and became a loner. (This happened all from 3rd to 5th grade.)

    I wasnt a baby, but sometimes i felt feelings of depression. I even thought of suicide. But when 5th grade started, Julia came back and we hanged out. ALOT. I hoped that this would help bridge the huge gap between my friends.

    Then Jesse started coming back to me once i descovered a FANTASTIC game of wonder, MAPLESTORY!!!!! I introduced it to my many friends and actually got back with jesse!!!! Awesome! Oops, I jinxed it. But then my dad started losing money due to some trickery with some “friends” (he pretty much feels like a failure) and my mom had to work harder to keep my education afloat. But i had to go to an afterschool program because my mom worked til bedtime.

    Jesse did something I can never forgive her for. She stole my friends. ALL OF THEM. She took Julia to fancy restaurants( did i spell that right?) played video games with her, and when I wasnt around, she told Julia lies about me.

    Luckily, I knew what was going on, because Julia was still on my side, whether Jesse liked it or not. This was not going well. I couldnt get any worse.

    Or could it? I gotta go, I’ll upload part two of this problem in a few days. I hope This wont get any worse. (by the way, the last 3 paragraphs happened in the past few weeks. Im a 6th grader.

  • Emily

    To anyone who may be faced with the problem of being left out, I would branch out socially. Ask other friends if you can hang around with them. I’m not saying totally blank your bestie, but just hang out with them less often and they will realize you aren’t there as much. Try to avoid arguments, as this will make the situation worse. I have experience this and understand what you are going through. In any friendship, there will problems, but when it fees like you’re the one who is constantly left out and felling upset and annoyed, then this isn’t fair. If it is a constant recurrence, then you can approach them, tell a parent or try to hang out with other so that you’re not constantly with them. It is hard, but just think, the situation can only improve. Keep strong and positive. xx

  • amaya

    Ok so these two girls named kendyl and sierra are leaving me out ok im spending the night with them and they just want to hang with them selfs ive tryed hanging with them but it didnt work and ive cryed 5 times in one night and now me and sierra are not friends but idk what to do do u have any advice

  • Guest

    My friend is a girl that just transfered to my school this year. She is older than me. It is only 5 or 6 moths that we have been friends. I actually don’t trust others but her. I tell her who my crush is for the first time in forever. But right now, she is sticking to another girl like glue and left me out. She does everything with that girl and others but me. One of my classmates warned me about being a friend with her but I ignored her advice and hang out with her. I asked the girl that warned me and she said she totally left me out and throw me away like rubbish. And I alsl felt that. I became depressed and started to hate her. I don’t hang out with her. But when I saw her or heard her laughter, the hatred inside me grew. I hate her…because she backstabbed me. I am not sure if I am overly sensitive right now..

  • LeLe

    My friends leave me out and say they can’t hangout, then post pictures on social media and I feel terrible. I feel like they don’t care about me one bit. Even if I make plans with one of them they HAVE to invite someone else… I feel like they just hate me. Some times I wonder if they ever really wanted to be my friends. My one “friend” she always makes fun of me… I just want to say something as ride back but I’m being the better person and not stooping down to her level. If anyone is ever left out constantly… i know how you feel but NEVER give up because there is always someone that loves you.

    • RainDancer RainDancer

      I think they know it hurts your feelings that could be why they do it. You will be ok. Get rid of those ugly stepsisters and you will be a lot happier.

  • Vicky

    Maybe they’re lesbian…. find someone better. They’re just two bits of rubbish

  • Zarina

    This type of thing is happening to me right now. It is very painful to go through with because they’ve grown apart from me and they keep all the things to themselves without usually telling me or so. Few months ago, we had a ‘silent fight’ and from that day on for the rest of 3 weeks they didn’t talk, eye contact or even wave a ‘hi’ to me. At that time, I didn’t know what I did wrong and I thought they had a very bad day so I just let it be until a week had passed on. Because of that, we begin to part from each other day by day. We barely talk nor laugh like crazy hell anymore like the old days. Sometimes I blame it all on me because I feel like I’m bring bad luck to our friendship.

    • kia b

      I know just how you feel, the same thing is happening to me and I don’t know what to do!!!

  • Aryana

    I have kind of the same thing happening to me. My best friend already had a best friend before we met. Now I feel like I have to compete with her other best friend, just so that I can have one-on-one time with my best friend. I’m still trying to figure out if I should move on or if the three of us can eventually overcome this. Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you!

  • L

    This mostly happens to everyone. Best thing to do is move on and find someone else.

  • Briana

    This is happening to me right now. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I hate it

    • Helper#1

      We all have to learn how to make the best choices for ourselves.
      That boy(whoever he is)is young, when you’re young, you don’t really
      Make permanent desicions because you are still growing and when
      You finally grow up, that’s when you’ll have all your choices, and that’s
      When you decide. The reason God may take something away is because
      The next thing he has planned for you is even better

    • abi

      i really fell like just ignoring my life. but should this be a constant one……..

  • lucina

    i know exactly how u feel. When i first went to secondary school, me and a girl where best mates but she had too many other mates too. So i finally got close to one of her.mates, and they got really close again too leaving me out. That girls mate is now coming round mine soon because i explained too HER how i felt. Turned out she was more understanding than my so called best mate. Try getting close to just one of them first with a cinfident attitude and act like nothing is wrong. You get that girl back definatly.

  • T

    There sud be many reason .. Some ppl just wanna take advantage from friends .. Thry can’t even tell this cud be annoying for other ppl .
    Always respect yorself… Don’t asume what they are saying or ignoreing u … If u feel they ar really avoiding u …jus ignore them 10times more they have done :p
    Sorry for bad english , but once again u r the only one your best friend .. Don’t let ppl manipulate you .

  • Julia

    I have the SAME EXACT thing happening to me 🙁 it really sucks. They do there best to include me, but they are aways whispering and running around laughing together. Im not sure how to get them back 🙁 If I even can, im not sure if they even like me anymore.

  • Abigal McFaland

    My friend, has been best friends with me since preschool, and I have noticed her slipping away 🙁 We use to be together all the time but now she has found a ‘new’ friend and I feel like that ‘friend’ is taking her away from me? It’s not fair.. & I think i’m just jealous. They got these ‘bestfriend’ necklaces and I feel like i’ve been replaced. I mean i’m friends with both of them, but sometimes they team up on me. But if I say something to them, they’ll say im ‘starting drama’, but they really don’t know how I feel because i’m a jock. Any suggestions?

    • Anzari Nurulia

      have you talk to her? Why don’t you talk to her and make her realize with what she just did? And also, try to find new friends so if she keep staying away from you, you can just forget her and hanging out with your new friends 😉