I Have Terrible Anxiety About Sex

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kubsaT said:

This feels ridiculous. I don’t feel normal, and wherever I look and whoever I talk to about it leaves me unsatisfied, because no one I have spoken to has been through this.

I have terrible anxiety. It messes with everyday life. (For example: school assemblies leave me sitting there feeling sick and tense, after just minutes I want to run out. For our school exams I hand in a note to allow me to have a seat at the rear of the hall away from everyone because it affects my ability to do my best, still though, I will sit there worrying about everything), aaand, it leaves me still a virgin. So, I am 17. This anxiety has been with me for over 5 years, and has proved more frustrating than I originally thought. As I have gotten older and reached my teen years, I have found my anxiety also affects my relationships (mentally, emotionally, and sexually).

Over a year ago, I finally began going out with someone I had had a ‘thing’ with for over a year and I was ecstatic to finally be together officially. We had talked about sex before and I had told him I was waiting until I was legal before considering it (the legal age is 16 in NZ). We had ‘sexted’ (I really don’t like that word), kissed, hugged, cuddled and such before going out, however, when we started dating (and I was 16) whenever we met up we went nowhere. We went out for only two months and the most we did was make out and hug. I felt terrible, like I had led him on as I would always tell him an excuse like ‘I like the cute innocence of our relationship for now’, ‘my uniform will get in the way’, ‘I’m not feeling 100%’ (sadly, these are real excuses I used).

I knew I was ready though. When I thought about him when I was at home ‘sexting’ him, I was always hot and bothered, yet I couldn’t come to tell him the truth when I said no to him in person… The truth being that I was over thinking everything because I had anxiety and was terrified I was going to disappoint him and not be ‘right’.

When I have told people this part, they always say that “if he thought that then he wasn’t good enough anyway” or “you’re fine how you are, and he didn’t see that then his loss” but girls, surely you understand that this is not realistic. As a 16 year old girl with her first serious boyfriend, those words would not help, because I knew he was lovely. But when I was with him, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to let him down by doing something wrong or not being good enough.

I am so sorry this is long, but this is the first time I have properly explained how I have been feeling for years, this is my vent. And I beg of you, if anyone else finds they cannot find it in them to trust a person enough with their body, due to anxiety or otherwise, please comment. I want to know if i can feel confident one day, preferably soon. I really want to be able to be carefree and love life! Thank you all.

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  • lilithP

    omg, i know how you feel. i realy want to lose it, but whenever the subject comes up i just get so flustered and embarrassed about my body because im really petite and have a washboard for a chest at the age of 17….life hates me.( ¬¬ ‘Dr. Evil glare’ ¬¬)

  • hyphyhiphop

    Same here, I’m terrified that my body is perfect and I’m too flabby and I’ll be disgusting

  • susyq

    I know exactly how you feel. But you will find someone who will make you lose your anxiety. Trust me, thats what happened to me. Or this could just be a sign that you arnt ready.

  • Star

    Im 19 Thats my problem too nd bcus of that I dont have a bf or a relationship that last more then 2months bcus I push them away x/

  • LittleRedWolf

    I’m 22 and still a virgin, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s not due to anxiety, so I can’t really relate to that, but I can tell you to not let that fact that you’re still a virgin at 17 (or any age, really) to bother you, because there is no ‘age limit’ as to when you should lose your virginity by.

  • Alison

    I have the exact same anxiety that you mentioned, I thought I was alone so I’m glad you found the courage to share your story. I don’t know how to overcome the anxiety, I have gotten so frustrated that I sometimes say I should just do it and get it over with just to feel normal, but I know that is not the right answer. I hope I can overcome this anxiety or at least get some advice that helps to calm me a little. In the mean time, its good to know I’m not alone out here.

  • sexy baby 101

    im 12 and have had like 8 bfs
    i just had my first kiss today and he is shorter than me lol
    i get horny all of the time and people say its normal becuz of horomones

    • Itsdinox3

      Honey calm down you got the rest of your life for that

  • PinkJinx


  • PinkJinx

    My big sis was 22 when she did it for the first time and that was a short ehile before they got married. BTW I’m 17 and a virgin too. I know how you feel and everything but I realised in a convo with my sis that when its meant to happen it will and you’ll know its right when your not scared about anymore. If he’s a virgin too it will help cause he won’t know the difference. If he’s not but cares about you then he will wait! In the mean time…don’t stress! Your a virgin only once and you want to give it to somebody who deserves it! Hope it helps! Seeya!

  • Cornelia

    Well I’m 17 and I’ve never had a boyfriend because I’m not ready to or feel comfortable dating and I want to focus on my school work. I think personaly it depends on the person most girls have boyfriends and sex way before 16. Some people mature differently I think if you find the one. You will be most likey to want to do it. You just have to wait and I wouldn’t push anything and wait for it to come natural.

  • Anonymous

    I feel the exact same way ! And i have extreme anxiety as well…… It’s so difficult. I havent found the courage yet 🙁

  • Honeybee

    Everything you just said is exactly me. You explained that waayy better than I ever could.