Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about dealing with anxiety about sex:
This feels ridiculous. I don’t feel normal, and wherever I look and whoever I talk to about it leaves me unsatisfied, because no one I have spoken to has been through this.
I have terrible anxiety. It messes with everyday life. (For example: school assemblies leave me sitting there feeling sick and tense, after just minutes I want to run out. For our school exams I hand in a note to allow me to have a seat at the rear of the hall away from everyone because it affects my ability to do my best, still though, I will sit there worrying about everything), aaand, it leaves me still a virgin. So, I am 17. This anxiety has been with me for over 5 years, and has proved more frustrating than I originally thought. As I have gotten older and reached my teen years, I have found my anxiety also affects my relationships (mentally, emotionally, and sexually).
Over a year ago, I finally began going out with someone I had had a ‘thing’ with for over a year and I was ecstatic to finally be together officially. We had talked about sex before and I had told him I was waiting until I was legal before considering it (the legal age is 16 in NZ). We had ‘sexted’ (I really don’t like that word), kissed, hugged, cuddled and such before going out, however, when we started dating (and I was 16) whenever we met up we went nowhere. We went out for only two months and the most we did was make out and hug. I felt terrible, like I had led him on as I would always tell him an excuse like ‘I like the cute innocence of our relationship for now’, ‘my uniform will get in the way’, ‘I’m not feeling 100%’ (sadly, these are real excuses I used).
I knew I was ready though. When I thought about him when I was at home ‘sexting’ him, I was always hot and bothered, yet I couldn’t come to tell him the truth when I said no to him in person… The truth being that I was over thinking everything because I had anxiety and was terrified I was going to disappoint him and not be ‘right’.
When I have told people this part, they always say that “if he thought that then he wasn’t good enough anyway” or “you’re fine how you are, and he didn’t see that then his loss” but girls, surely you understand that this is not realistic. As a 16 year old girl with her first serious boyfriend, those words would not help, because I knew he was lovely. But when I was with him, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to let him down by doing something wrong or not being good enough.
I am so sorry this is long, but this is the first time I have properly explained how I have been feeling for years, this is my vent. And I beg of you, if anyone else finds they cannot find it in them to trust a person enough with their body, due to anxiety or otherwise, please comment. I want to know if i can feel confident one day, preferably soon. I really want to be able to be carefree and love life! Thank you all.
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