Ask A Guy: What Are Some Signs A Guy Is In Love?

Dear Ethan,

How do guys show they are in love?

Usually, a guy will just post it on Facebook.

I’m only joking, of course (though if your man does, you might want to make sure he’s not also the type to break up on Facebook as well) – but guys do have a few gender-specific methods of expressing their love.

For one thing, guys often tend to be a bit less open with their emotions, leaning more heavily on physical cues instead. That’s not to say a woman in love won’t twirl her hair, bite her lip, or gaze longingly at her man while blinking coquettishly (okay, maybe that’s just The Little Mermaid), but often a guy in love won’t be able to keep his hands off of the lady of his dreams. Constant hugs, hand-grabs, affectionate smooches, or any other sweet action he wouldn’t normally be caught dead doing in front of his manly dude-pals are all signs that he’s hopelessly into you. Extra points awarded if he can’t stop calling or asking for plans, and super-mega bonus points if he can tolerate (or, dare he enjoy?!) your company even on your lowest, worstest of days.

But of course, the only way to know for sure if this is anything more than simple infatuation is for him to say so. As I’ve admitted before, I was the first to drop the L-bomb with my current girlfriend. But I might be an exception rather than a typical example, as most of my guy friends (especially the commitment-phobes) have let the women they’re dating (or are now married to!) take the verbal plunge first.

That said, no matter what type of guy you’re dating, you don’t have to feel like you need to take all your relationship cues from him. If you simply can’t hold it in any longer, let ‘er rip! If he’s not quite on the same page yet, don’t panic—give him some time and space to come to terms with how bonkers he truly is for you.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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  • lesleycountrygirl

    I know this going to sound a bit weird. But i met a guy online and i know he isn’t lying to me about his age. i met him on a site call younow. And a friend of his after he gave me his cell number we was texting for like a hour almost and a friend of his i was talking to on his younow said that he like me, he think i’m cute and all of that. i send a text to him and ask if he really told his friend that he like me he didn’t say he never told his friend that but he said that i seem cool and something else. but he never said that she was lying though. he is 17 about to be 18 in Nov i will be 18 in feb so me and him isn’t far in age. But last night i had a dream about him….he is going into the army well he actually already done with bootcamp..when his friend told me that me and him should flirt and get to know each other and he look away blushing but i guess he make sure i seen him blushing before he look away cause he didn’t look away until i respond to his friend. and i text him and said that u was blushing when his friend said that we should flirt and get to know each other and he text back saying Shhh. After that he sent me a picture of him even though i knew what he look like. I know you shouldn’t meet guys online but this guy isn’t lying though cause one i seen him on younow and 2 im friends with him on fb. so i ask his friend on there lol. But me and this guy texted until i had to go to bed. he haven’t reply to my texts today but he also said he had school. but What can i do ? just get to know him better? i do know me and him are not far from each other. but i’m not telling him where i live at he told me all i told him was the state. but when i was talking to him i never had a thought that he was lying to me. when i talk to peoples online i always have this feeling that they are lying to me about who they are. but this guy haven’t…and tbh i think he like me cause when his friend said that he text her saying he like me he never said that he didn’t do that or she lying. he never even told me when i ask him if she was lying. he just said that i seem really cool and fun to talk to. he never decline it. and since he being in the military i don’t think he would lie about that either. but any advice of what i can do ?

  • Redflametrow

    Depending on the age, most guys aren’t smart enough or persistent enough to recover from that at a younger age. So you may want to re-evaluate the situation. Guys can have girls they have crushes on or like the most, but they also have a range they would date. Younger guys can become easily infatuated and thus are easy to start out with. Dating longer term or it working out is more complicated if both don’t feel it’s a good match. Still, doing something like that would likely hurt his confidence and mark you as a lost cause. Guys work on getting over a crush if it’s failed. There are variations where some will become really attached (if not stalker like) even if the girl turns him down (usually when gentle). Guys may still leave someone who turned them down in the “maybe” category as well. Now I can’t speak for 100% of guys 100% of the time as people can be straight up crazy. Like whole stalker, turned down hard, then abducts; so there are some examples and blanket actions could fail. Guys are somewhat more emotionally fragile as they don’t use emotions or express them as often. So I’m saying that turning down a guy you like on something takes all the emotional turmoil a guy can handle. You can try to assert yourself subtly towards him where he may regain courage (mental fortitude), or you can try asking him to do something as there’s a decent chance he will. Don’t actually talk about dating in a public place with him or publicly confess, as that’s way too much unless he’s basically in love with you (could fail or succeed depending on guy).

    So yeah, guys aren’t all that emotionally strong. You put them on the spot where they have more to think about than you, and they get confused by trying to deal with everything else. It would take much more time to explain various factors from a guy’s perspective to someone who isn’t a guy.

  • Hayley_2408

    What if he says he loves you but says it in text language? Like, love ya or luv u. Does that make any difference to how he feels? My bf is so gentle and caring but sometimes I find it hard to know whether he does love me or not, Also I fell like I’m the one in control with the relationship, I don’t know whether that is a good thing or not considering my friends relationship, her bf is the one in control, is this a bad thing?

    • Redflametrow

      Text only can vary. There’s guy being shy, there’s guys trying to manipulate emotions and not being brave enough or believable enough in person, and ranges in between. Being in control of the relationship is likely fine, unless either of you starts disliking it. Guys could be pretty content playing sports or video games and never talking about things. For a guy, letting a girl lead emotionally and in couple related situations would make sense. Emotions are somewhat foreign to guys as how to deal with them (other than repressing), so deferring to a girl in that area could just be what they feel like is “right”. Girls tend to be concerned about things like the details of a wedding, and guys know that anything that might be important to them about a wedding isn’t nearly as important as it is to the girl.

      So I’d somewhat worry about the lack of verbal commitment, but there’s not a 100% sure way to advise without knowing the guy myself. I’m mostly suspicious towards other guys when it relates to girls though as well. There are good guys, the bad ones tend to attract more girls though.

  • Just a Gurl

    if a guy calls you pretty (not to your face, but rather to another guy), and you’re interested in him (and he finds out), will he be interested in you too?

    • Redflametrow

      It depends. If you can get him to admit it to your face, then that pretty much settles it. Guys have a range as far as who they may date even if they have 1-2 on the top of the list that they actively think about. The problem about overhearing in that context is knowing which guy is more attracted. If the guys saying a girl is pretty believes the other guy is attracted to her, then he may be mostly saying that. He most likely wouldn’t lie about attractiveness, but (decent) guys try not to steal girls who their friends crush on. So while he would likely be interested in you on a certain level, the level may be lowered by other guys. So the whole trying to understand the relationship between the guys can be a large factor. Guys in quick reactions may forget about friends too and likely won’t be a big deal in the long run if you try to pressure them or something (hopefully you’re looking for a guy that likes you though and not just tricking him based on physical features as there are other problems with that). There’s also the whole variable of if one or both of the guys knew there was a chance you’d overhear them and have somewhat been their plain initially. Not saying it was a good plan, but the one a guy may come up with on the spot. Guys being followed or aware of their surroundings isn’t all that uncommon though as well as guys half expect other guys to randomly attack them (yet again, not that it makes sense). So trying to be sneaky while they were isolated enough to be aware of their surroundings would make the whole thing a stupid plan on their side. Pressing the issue is most likely successful scenario overall though.

      This is most likely past a point where it matters in relation to how long the post was made though. Still wanted to answer the ones I could while I was here.

  • classifed

    what if ur 13 ur bf is 12 going on 13 soon ur bff hates ur bf u have a cruch on ur bf and a nother dude how is a gofball not like ur bf how is a geek

  • Ellen

    What if you’re not in a relationship yet? How do you know of a guy likes you? I really like this guy and we’re just friends but I want more… He’s kind of shy so he doesn’t talk about his feeling with anyone so I really don’t know how he feels. Sometimes I catch him looking at me but this doesn’t mean anything, right?

    • Rhea

      omg I know how you feel that’s what I’m desperate to know (same situation pretty much)

    • Redflametrow

      Finding a girl attractive and crushing on them can be different things. Any girl a guy finds attractive (unless personality is particularly against theirs) they would most likely date if the opportunity were to arise.

      It’s highly speculated that guys are only friends with girls because they want to date them. While this isn’t 100% true, many guys are attracted to the girls they are friends with. If you can get a guy to do something he doesn’t want to do (as a test), then most likely he is attracted to you. There are manners and overall factors that can attribute a guy doing something he doesn’t want for a girl as well, but it’s likely more about it being that girl than any girl. Not saying he is particularly looking to date you, but that you’re likely in his “maybe” area.

      There’s also the whole factoring in whether or not the guy knows what he’d do with a girl he’s dating. The concept is good for most guys, the reality is complicated. So while you could be “dating” there’s a chance there would never be any formal dates. Their personal finances could also be a concern to them. Dating is a scary/foreign concept as well so helping him work through that fear could be good.

      I guess there’s also the chance a guy feels like he’s not good enough to date a girl though too. Like if this is part of some sort of elaborate scheme. There’s also the thought that the girl would be better off dating someone else. For these people, you need to try convincing them of their own value.

      Guys are also stupid if you ask them out and don’t make it clear it’s a date. My one friend was telling us how some girl invited him over and made him dinner. There were other factors too (home alone like some sort of special day to that girl). While she could want to be just friends, it seemed pretty obvious he was not picking up on this girl hitting on him. Just saying this in case a girl thinks taking a guy out on a date makes him realize it. Guys need things to be pretty much spelled out for them when it comes to emotions/dating. It’s not 100% true, but there is a chance a guy is just trying to think of you as another friend. Clarifying things may be hard or embarrassing, but then there’s the fate of wondering “what if?”

  • Kim

    Well, I’ll be damned. My boyfriend really DOES love me. Not only does he do all the things listed, he was also the first to drop the L-bomb. And he is currently nursing poor flu-ridden me, by making me tea, and bringing me chocolate. Also, he thinks I look “lovely” at the moment. I just looked in a mirror, and clearly, the man needs glasses.
    I shall keep him, and make an honest man of him!

    • Jayyden

      That man’s a keeper!

  • LOVEkeisha

    I had this guy for like a year from now, but we haven’t went out together.. Yes, we’re hanging out but with my bffs,.. I find this guy super shy with me. He confesses his feelings about me to my bff (that he liked me! blah blah blah), so i made a letter to him saying i liked him too with a gift for his birthday. And then he started to text me cheesy sms, but not always. I remembered once texting on him, but he didnt reply for like a week or something, i tried to do some moves, but i dont think it could help him to break the ice.. I just want him to be honest with me and tell me either he likes me or watsoeverr.. Im sooo confused reading his signals. I just want to know what he really wants..I NEED HELP PLEAAAASSE!! 🙁

  • Morgan

    There’s this cute guy in my class and we flirt almost every day. I really like him, but I don’t know if he likes me because he flirts with other girls too…..
    Help!!!

    • Katila

      Have you tried exchanging numbers with him and texting him????

      • Ethan Fixell

        Katila is all over this one! Start that flirtation up…

  • kitkat101

    so true

  • HannahDreams19

    Ok im new so that’s helpful

    • Ethan Fixell

      Nice! Glad I could help!

      -Ethan

  • mj_sneaky06

    I have this ex that I really love and we hang out all the time. I’ve mentioned to him once or twice that I stillhave feelings for him. His reaction was that I can find a btter guy, and he swears he doesn’t like me back. When I sit close to another guy or give them a hug he butts in and distracts me or that guy and its driving me crazy. Some days he walks slow and we have a deep conversation or he pulls my hair and says something silly. Other days he ignores me or starts a fight with me. What should I do??

    • Jamie

      In all honesty, screw that guy. Not literally LOL. Like he sounds like one of those “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you either” types. He’s probably LOVING the control he’s having over you, too. You should move on and be sure to rub it in his face. He has to know that you wont wait around for him forever.

      • Ethan Fixell

        I’m with Jamie!

        -Ethan