Having A Tofurkey For Thanksgiving This Year?


Read those instructions, girls! | Source

If you’re a vegetarian or maybe you’re having a vegetarian over for Thanksgiving dinner, chance are you’ve thought of serving up a Tofurkey as part of your meal. They seem like the perfect veggie substitute for turkey. They’re roundish like a turkey, and they even come with stuffing inside! What’s not to love?

Well, as I know from experience, there’s a lot that you might not love about a Tofurkey if you don’t prepare it correctly. A few years ago, I was at school in Chicago and my mom flew out to be with me for Thanksgiving. I told her we could go out to eat since she eats meat and I don’t, but she said she’d rather we cook up something in my tiny apartment. Naturally, it was Tofurkey time.

I got all the stuff and was so excited to host my mom for my first (sort of) grown up Thanksgiving. When she arrived, we went holiday shopping and then headed back to the apartment to get a good night’s sleep before the big day. It was only when I pulled my Tofurkey out of the freezer early the next morning that I realized the instructions said it had to thaw for 24 hours before it could be cooked.

I freaked and consulted my mom, but she seemed to think the instructions were just guidelines. No big deal. We let it thaw for 12 hours (and maybe I helped it along with my blow dryer here and there) before shoving it in the oven. My mom was sure it would be fine–and hey, if my mom was sure, I was sure.

The Tofurkey got cooking, and it smelled great! Thanksgiving was going to work out after all! When the kitchen timer went off, we ran to the kitchen to see how our fake little turkey was doing.

Magically, it seemed to be perfectly done, and looked almost as good as the picture on the box. I got out one of my few fancy plates, plunked it down, and took it over to my little kitchen table where we’d feast. My mom said a few nice things about being so proud of me, and how even though we’d worried about our dinner not turning our right, it obviously had. Then she tried to cut into the turkey.

And by tried, I mean tried. She couldn’t. It wouldn’t cut. It was like the whole Tofurkey was made of rubber. I got a sharper knife. I tried sawing at it while he held it down. I stood up to put my full weight into it. Finally, the Tofurkey slipped off the plate and went flying toward my fridge . . . which it bounced off of. My Tofurkey bounced.

We started laughing so hard we were crying, and before the night was over, we’d eaten most of a large veggie pizza along with our sweet potatoes and corn. Thank heavens for delivery, right?

Have you ever had a Tofurkey? If you’re having one this year, let us know in the comments!

Do You Always Eat Too Much At Thanksgiving?

Follow Us On Twitter!

Posted in: For Laughs
Tags: , ,
  • mzeco

    I love being a vegetarian. Loved your story! That’s never happened to me, though. After I converted to vegetarian, my family of six followed, all at their own pace. So, having six vegetarians in the house, we’re cooking a Tofurkey as well as a Quorn turkey (also fake, of course). I hope your Tofurkey works out this year! 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving!