What You Really Think When You’re Giving Thanks

No matter what your religion, culture or feelings on Justin Bieber, we can all agree that a day devoted to remembering all the things to be thankful for is a pretty kick-ass idea. But, when someone inevitably asks everyone to go around the table and share what they’re most thankful for, you aren’t always one hundred percent honest. I don’t know about you but sometimes what I say I’m grateful for isn’t exactly totally precise…

 

 

 

 

 

To Your Family

 

She said: I’m thankful to have parents who are paying for my college! You guys rock.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She meant: Because if I had to pull double shifts at Gymboree like my roommate, I’d lose it. I really would. I don’t do well with sticky kids. Or, non-sticky kids for that matter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Your Sister

 

She said:  I’m thankful to have a little sister who’s growing up into such a cool tween.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She meant: And finally learning to stay the hell out of my business! Having someone steal your phone and text “I love poop” to everyone in your contact list would suck, huh? IT DID.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Your Friends

 

She said: I’m so lucky to have a BFF who’s so hot and awesome! I’d never know how to master the smokey eye if it weren’t for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She meant: But um could you look crappy just, like, once? Because I’d feel even more lucky if a guy actually went for me instead of you for a change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the Silver Lining

 

She said: I’m thankful that I didn’t make the varsity soccer team. With all this free time I’ve read all The Hunger Games books–twice!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She meant: THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WINNING A STATE TITLE. Who needs a scholarship to USC when I have endless afternoons with Katniss and Peeta?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Your Boyfriend

 

She said: I’m thankful to have a BF that brings me my favorite sour penguins when I’m sick and notices when I cut my bangs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She meant: And your lifted truck that always smells like an Abercrombie? Yeah, that doesn’t suck either!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the Posters on Your Wall

 

She said: Dear One Direction, I am thankful for you because every time I get dumped I think “Well, at least now I’m free for Harry Styles, the most romantic guy on Earth.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She meant: Honestly I don’t even care if he spits when he talks and has hooves. That smile? I DIE.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
What are you giving thanks for this year? Tell us in the comments!

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Posted in: For Laughs
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1 Comment

  1. avatar Lana says:

    I love this article! Thanks for making this relatable in a way that doesn’t resort to stereotypes. It’s original and quirky. Keep it up! :)

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