My BFF Is Bullying Someone. What Should I Do?!

Dear Heather,

One of my friends started bullying this other girl online and at school. We’ve been going to school with that girl for years, but it’s like all of the sudden, my friend hates her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to rat my friend out, but what she’s doing is mean. She’s my best friend! Help me.

This is definitely a tough situation – you’re stuck between being loyal to your best friend and doing the right thing. I’m not sure why your friend is bullying this girl, but I do know that she shouldn’t be. Bullying stinks, and no one deserves to deal with it. You might not be able to stop her actions, but you can do something to stand up for the girl she’s picking on.

The first thing you should do here is talk to your friend. Don’t attack her or start a fight with her. Gently ask her what’s wrong. A lot of the time when someone becomes a bully, it’s because something bad is going on in their own lives and they’re looking for someone to take their anger out on. Maybe she’s having issues at home or at school or with other friends. Or maybe she’s having self-esteem issues. There’s also the possibility that she has some kind of personal problem with this girl. Maybe she’s jealous of something, or angry at her for something she didn’t tell you about.

Try to get to the bottom of the issue by reminding her that you care about her and you can tell there’s something going on. If she refuses to talk about it or insists that there’s nothing wrong in her life, tell her you don’t understand why she’s picking on her, and it’s making you upset to see her act like such a bully. Again, don’t get too angry with her, that will only make her defensive.

If your BFF totally blows you off and the bullying continues after your talk, then start sticking up for this girl on your own. It takes guts to go against your friends, but in situations like these, it’s worth it. It’s time to go to a parent or teacher. I know you don’t want to get your friend in trouble, but like I said, bullying is serious. Your friend may need to talk to a professional about what’s going on in order to stop her teasing. In the end, you’ll feel much better knowing that you did the right thing here.

take care,

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This post written in partnership with Secret Mean Stinks. 

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  • Maddy

    Telling a teacher or parent is horrible advice. Sure she’s bullying her but she’s YOUR friend and if she’s a good friend to you then you shouldn’t betray her by getting her in trouble. And you’re gonna’ be the one who’s bullied probably and you shouldn’t expect sympathy. That was your friend and you became a traitor. Stick by your friends always.

  • Kis_inLove

    Usually I’m the Bully in our school. But their was this one time when i had a fight with this girl named Arianne and yes i admit i really hate her, i mean their is something rotten deep inside her.I extremely don’t like her.It was between me and her and at the end people ended up believing me.It’s not the best thing but my bestfriend Febie supporting me with all the true details is the real deal. I was just so happy and even if i was the bully as what the situation describes but i’m just doing the right thing.That’s it at the end you have to do the right thing.

  • Maddilynn

    This happened to me- I was the bully. My friend told me exactly what I was doing wrong and though we got into a pretty bad fight about it, we are trying to revive our “rainbow of trust” :.). I then wrote her a letter about it all. We are good friends again. Just talk to her.

    Xoxo M