Reader Hookup Confession: He Had The Weirdest Dirty Talk Ever!

dirty talk

WHAT did he just say?! | Source: ShutterStock

If there’s one thing girls can always bond about, it’s an embarrassing hookup story. Trust us: we all have them. So don’t be shy! Read this OMG reader hook-up confession, and then send your own to

My boyfriend and I were having sex for the very first time a few nights ago. Since it was our first time, he made sure I was really comfortable and he was also really sweet about the whole thing. Once we got into it, I told him to talk dirty to me.

This is what he said: “Your love tunnel is so tight around my disco stick.” My face :O My jaw dropped and I had no idea what to do. But, you know, I really like him, so I said, “Keep going babe.”

Then he said, “Oh my God, the way your bogingos bounce when you ride me is so sexy.” What?! I’m seriously wondering if he knows they are called breasts. I mean, come on! I don’t ask him to talk dirty to me anymore.

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Posted in: Hookup Confessions
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  • Ninalinda

    lmao omg that is hilarious I wanna give you a hug poor thing

  • Angela

    My bf laughed so hard when I told him to talk dirty -.- while we’re doing stuff… WTf

  • Zenyth Theron

    You made me laugh so hard i almost choked – my nan had to get up and get me water

  • YourMom

    Why am I laughing so hard omg lmfaolmfao

  • zuzutheguru

    Same here. My bf *in 5th grade* was like, “Hey! You finally have boobs! I wouldn’t have dated you if you didn’t already.” I laughed but I was like…ew.

  • Angela

    @Alanna I am two years older than my boyfriend, too! He’s turning 17 in January and I turn 19 in February! We have been together for two and a half years, I remember when we first started dating he was 14 and I was 16. So many people said awful things about us, and now nobody has anything mean to say because we are still so happy together. Your one year is a huge accomplishment! Have a great anniversary!

    @Meow I think you read Alanna’s comment wrong. SHE is 17 and HE is 15, and if two people consent to have sex it’s not rape. I had sex with my boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 14; legal age in Canada is 16, but were we really going to wait two whole years? Nobody should report you for having sex with your boyfriend, especially if it’s mutual! Those laws aren’t meant to meaninglessly harm people in relationships, it’s to protect the rights of people who are violated.

  • GoodGurl

    Lol. Well at least he wasn’t paying attention to A T.V. show and randomly started laughing at what was going on while he was having sex with you. Yes My ex did that ! Like really ? who watches T.v. while they have sex???

  • Alanna

    That’s funny. My boyfriend of 1 year and I are going to have sex soon. I’m 17 and he’s 15. February 3rd 2012 – Present. <3

  • Meow

    To Cassiereneexx;

    Use caution there. Safe sex and blahblahblah, but with him being 17 and you 15, you two having sex (even consensual) is considered him raping you. He could get in a lot of trouble.

    I’m all for people doing what they feel right doing when they want to, but federal law is not. Be careful before proceeding; don’t want something good becoming something very bad.

    • Teresa

      I’m guessing you missed that SHE is 17 and HE is 15? SHE is raping HIM. And yes women can rape men. Sadly they don’t get prosecuted with the same enthusiasm.

    • Vera

      She’s the one who’s seventeen, not her boyfriend. Besides, it’s not illegal unless she’s an adult,which she isn’t if she’s seventeen. And it’s not rape. Either say statutory rape or say sex with a minor, not just rape.

  • Kiantay

    Nexxt Tiime beFore U guyzzz get it on…give hEm Sum Ideas…LetEm knw Wht Ur Wanting to heaR…Im sure the turn out will Be much Better…Atleast He tryed :))…S.n Watch a little pOn togethEr……..He will Gt it.!! I promiSe


  • Star_LovesYhuu

    x’D Wow……No Response But Wow….!

  • Paula

    ohmygod i cant stop laughing this is so funny and unfortunate.

  • neverbeenkissed

    lol, i remember the first time i had sex, think it was like 2 years ago? so scary, it was my first time, and with an older guy, he was kinda rough, but he had the most amazing dirty talk ever. omg! we were perfect for each other, but then he ditched me for slaggy lindsy, i was so heart broken, every time someone dirty talks to me i think about him and cry, so much crying, omg i cant even. peace out mwah

  • gerly

    he is a sexy boyfriend you had.. 🙂 thats good if somebody is listening hard to figure out lol..

  • cassiereneexx

    Hahahaha oh my God that is frickin hilarious xD I’m so sorry that he is a weird dirty talker though. My boyfriend and I may go through our first time together tomorrow night. We’ve been talking about it for 4 weeks now, he’s 17 and I’m 15. If he says anything like that to me during sex I’m just going to slap my hand over his mouth haha xx

  • hermielle

    so awkward