Why You Probably Shouldn’t Eat Chocolate For Breakfast

chocolate for breakfast

A big box of trouble. | Source: Shutterstock

Confession: I ate chocolate for breakfast this morning. To be precise, I ate a fancy pants dark chocolate that was shaped like a turtle. It came in a pretty purple box and made me feel very glamorous as I nommed it. To hell with yogurt or toast, I thought, as I smugly bit on his legs.

I know, you’re jealous. But trust me, you shouldn’t be.

See, when I was little, I would beg my mom for M&Ms for breakfast and refuse to eat whatever else she served (yes, I realize now how horrible I was as a child, and yes, I have apologized). On those mornings, my mom just let me go without breakfast, insisting that it was my choice if I wanted to suffer. I thought it was because she was mean or didn’t understand how fun life would be if you were allowed to color outside the lines–but it was actually probably because she knew just how terrible I’d feel if I tried to exist on chocolate alone. Worse than eating no breakfast at all, it turns out.

Let me take you back to this morning and explain what happened to me: The turtle was sneaky in his deception. He was so enticing and adorable. He was practically singing to me as I hit my snooze button for the third time. Obviously, we were meant to be. I nibbled away and when I was finished, I felt awesome. Wide awake, full of energy, ready to have a super bad ass day. That lasted for exactly 42 minutes. Then came the bad thing.

It isn’t just a headache. It isn’t just a stomach ache. It’s both, coupled with a just enough sugar-rush residue to make me unpleasantly jittery. I love chocolate. I really do. But I also think I’ve learned my lesson. Real food wins out for breakfast.

Now, what should I get for lunch . . . a Nutella sandwich or a Choco Taco?

How much do you love chocolate? Have you ever eaten chocolate or candy for breakfast and regretted it? Tell me in the comments!

To Hell With Turkey. I’ll Eat Chocolate Instead.

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Posted in: For Laughs
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  • Stephanie

    I’m not allowed to have sweet for breakfast ’cause of my ADHD :C

  • Blexxx

    I’ve had chocolate for breakfast – when I’m late I go to the shop behind my bus stop – and as great as I feel, the minute I get to school I sometimes becomes crazily hyper. Once I ran into my bestfriends physics class when I had maths, trying to convince everyone I had decided to take chemistry, not realising that this wasn’t a chemistry class….yea…

  • sweeetpea93

    If I have reese cups, I’m eating them for breakfast. I never have a tummy ache unless I eat about 10! I just can’t leave those yummy things alone.

  • meh

    I have sweets for breakfast every morning that I’m in a rush (I live right next door to a shop), and I’m fine!

  • LittleRedWolf

    Oh yeah, I’ve made the mistake of eating sweets first thing (even if it’s later in the afternoon, as long as it’s the first thing I’ve eaten), and I feel just icky after. Yes, I know some breakfasts are sweeter, but it’s a different kind of sweet. I’ll never eat chocolate first thing again.