From The Message Boards: My BF Has A Sex Tape With His Ex. What Should I Do?

my boyfriends ex

Do you have a right to get mad over this? Not really. | Source: ShutterStock

When we’re in a relationship, it can be easy to obsess about the girl who came before us. Thinking about what your boo and his/her ex did together can drive you absolutely crazy, but at the same time it’s really hard to stop! And when we find out something extra scandalous or even sort of icky, it’s understandable to freak out a little bit.

That’s why I can totally relate to what one of our users is saying in the message boards – she found out that her boyfriend has a sex tape with his ex and she doesn’t know how to deal. While I’ve never been in that particular situation, I can understand how it can be hard to deal with something you wish never happened. Read what her and some other girls had to say and then add your thoughts:

tiger-kisses said:
I just learned that my boyfriend had a sex video with his past girlfriend. What should I do? This sex video they had was during the time when they were still together. But when I found out about this I felt really bad and it kinda hurts. He doesn’t know that I know. So what should I do? Should I tell him? Should I get mad at him? Or just let it slide, pretend like I don’t know anything at all?

beccxsx0x said:
I wouldn’t bring it up, or get mad at him. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I’ve made tons of sex tapes with my boyfriend (granted, nobody beyond my best friend knows about them), and if I ever had a new boyfriend I wouldn’t bring it up because it’s completely irrelevant to everything and would serve no purpose. What’s done is done- he has a sex tape. So what? It doesn’t change who he is, or how good of a boyfriend he is to you. To me, bringing it up wouldn’t do anything besides start a fight over something you shouldn’t be mad at in the first place.

stayclassy said:
Well I believe in open communication in relationships so if I found out something like that I would bring it up but I wouldn’t get mad about it because well, he had a past before meeting you.

I can understand getting upset over something your boyfriend did in the past, especially if it involves an ex. But at the same time, you really don’t have a right to get mad at him about it. It’s important to realize and accept the fact that your BF had a life before he met you – which means he did things that you might not be too thrilled about. But as long as he did them when you weren’t together, then he didn’t do anything wrong by you.

Getting mad about the past and things you can’t change is never going to help a relationship grow. Personally, I don’t see much of a point in talking to your boyfriend about this. It’s probably only going to start a fight. But if you really want to be open in your relationship, then you need to go into that conversation realizing that your BF did nothing wrong. Don’t focus on his past, because I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate if he focused on yours. All in all, just try not to think about that sex tape. I get that it makes you uncomfortable, but ignore it – he’s with you now!

What would you do if you were in this situation? Would you talk to your BF about it? What should this girl do? Tell us in the comments!


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  • Lindsay

    I just found my boyfriends sex tape by accident last night while I was using IMovie for a presentation. I am not mad at him for making it or even that he still has it, Im not entirely sure how I feel about it, I just don’t understand why he has it. I think I am going to talk to him about it tonight and let him know how I FEEL. Im going to explain that this isn’t about him or his fault at all and that I just wanted to let him know I saw it and that I don’t feel okay about him still having it. He basically left her for me and him still having that video bothers me.

  • laila waila

    Uhh are you kidding me. If a guy has an Ex’s sex tape sitting on his
    computer he has a really gross, rapist like mentality. Everyone with common
    sense knows that those pictures are made for the time period in which you’re intimate. Normal people don’t keep old sex tapes because they know it’s disrespectful and creepy as hell. Ladies if your boyfriend is keeping old images of him fucking an ex he’s a megolomaniac. If you know an ex is keeping images of you talk to a lawyer. If you find another girl being coveted long after her time with your bf is over explain why he’s sexually ill and contact her if refuses to get rid of them. Sorry people, the kind of person who saves sex tapes is usually the same type of person that would post it online. Ultimately no one should trust any man with material like this, if you made the sex tape mistake protect yourself and protect other women. Call a lawyer they know what to do. ‘No right to be upset’. Are you kidding me??? What kind of garbage men are you used to???

  • Lenore

    I found a sex tape of my boyfriend and his ex and i freaked out. Not only becaus of the tape but because he keeps lying to me about how he’s over her. But I keep finding stuff he has written down about how he misses her and he wrote it 3 months ago while i was pregnant with our son. Then i find the video and feel like that was the only reason why he wanted to have sex with me that morning before i found it on his laptop. As if im disgusting and the only way for him to do it with me is to get turned on by looking at pictures of her or watching himself have sex with her.

  • Beth

    I found a sex video on my boyfriends old phone of him and his ex.. I really didnt know what to think just for the reason it was still there. I didn’t talk to him for a couple days which wasn’t normal he knew something was up but no idea what. So I finally was like I can’t do this anymore I need to just say something and get it over with. So I did. He said how sorry he was that he just never went back and looked at anything on there so he didnt know what was on there and never deleted anything since he never looked back at any if it again. I thought that was to me such a simple lame answer but it was the truth do that’s what mattered. He’s never lied before and I again with the other ladies, it doesn’t change who he is, or how good of a boyfriend he is to! He always makes me his number one, he’s never around another girl, he doesn’t go out with other girls, and he never has any other girl over to the house. So just bc he has a past doesn’t change who he’s been to you this whole time. We all have a past.

  • CommonlyMisplaced

    I don’t think she is really upset that he has made one but rather the fact that he kept it and he may watch it still. Would you want your boyfriend watching a video of him having sex with their ex? I know I wouldn’t. You should ask him if he watches it first before you get upset with him. Also, if it really upsets you and you want him to get rid of it why don’t make one with him to replace it.

  • LittleRedWolf

    I agree, you’ve got no right to be upset with your boyfriend or girlfriend over something they did with an ex (or over the fact that they HAVE an ex. How many times do you hear “Wait, who’s so-and-so?” with that tone that says “You’re about to be in trouble”). I mean, you’d tell him it wasn’t any of his business if the situation were reversed, right? Double-standards have no place in any relationship. Yes, there is a good chance that your significant other dated someone before you, and may have even gotten physical with them at some point. But, it was before they met you. They haven’t done anything wrong. So, definitely don’t get upset with them because you found out that they had sex with their last girlfriend. It’s just not fair.