It’s no secret that we love us some One Direction here at Gurl, and we also adore Johnny Depp. So when we found out they were all in the same room, we had to change our pants. And then we had to mull over quite the Oedipus (or Elektra) conundrum that this presented.
Let us explain. Johnny Depp’s daughter, Lily-Rose, is a huge 1D fan (like the rest of us). When Johnny Depp found out that One Direction were going to be in Los Angeles where he lives, he invited them over. Let that sink in: Johnny Depp invited One Direction to his house. When they were there, they jammed in his recording studio together and just chilled out–and rumor has it that Johnny actually invited them to come back to drink whiskey with him once they can all imbibe legally in the U.S.
When we heard all this, we were immediately jealous of Lily Rose, because when your dad invites One Direction over for a playdate, well, you really love your freakin’ dad. And chances are when your dad is Johnny Depp, it’s a lot less awkward and embarrassing to have him hang out with the biggest boy band on the planet. So as soon as we heard the news, we immediately wanted Johnny Depp to retroactively adopt us (or to get our hands on a Flux Capacitor so we could go back in time and somehow be his real babies with Vanessa Paradis).
But then we felt a little weird. Because we really want to make out with One Direction, but we also wouldn’t mind making out with Johnny Depp. Like, at all. Ever. In fact, we’d love to. And if Johnny Depp was our dad, that would be really weird. And possibly illegal. And also gross. This is where the Oedipus thing comes in–it’s a theory that we all want to secretly date (or worse) our opposite sex parent. Guys, like the ancient Oedipus himself, want their moms, and we want our dads (like the mythical Elektra, not the Daredevil Elektra).
Johnny Depp and One Direction both have fame, good looks, and charm in common, but they appeal to us for different reasons. Johnny Depp is like the older guy who doesn’t look it (at least not that much): He’s sophisticated, worldly, and smart, and the fact that he’s so thoughtful to his little ones makes us think he’d be a rad boyfriend.
On the other hand, One Direction are young, fun, and adorable and OH MY GOD THAT HAIR (or in Liam’s case, THOSE BICEPS).
So here’s our issue: Is it really an Oedpius complex when your dad is Johnny Depp? Because for Niall Horan’s sake, just look at him. Take in that bone … structure. Ahem. In any case, if you’ve never seen the Back to the Future movies, Michael J. Fox’s character, Marty McFly, goes back in time, and his mom winds up falling in love with him. This is sort of like that. Except with much better looking people.
In any case, this made us happy that we’re not blood related to Johnny Depp. But it also gave us an idea: you guys are super smart. So we’re imploring you build a time machine to let us go back a few years so he can adopt us. Because we figure, it will end one of two ways (ideally, anyway): One, he’d invite One Direction over and Harry Styles would fall in love with us. Or two, Johnny Depp would pull a Woody Allen and marry us when we were legal. When it comes to 1D and Johnny Depp (1Depp?), we’re down for whatever. Suck it, Oedipus. We got this.
Who do you think is hotter: Johnny Depp or One Direction? If you were Lily-Rose, would you feel weird having One Direction hang out with your dad (even if he’s Johnny Depp)? Would you want Johnny Depp to be your dad if it meant you could hang out with One Direction? Tell us in the comments!