My boyfriend just told me that he wants to take a break from our relationship… but only for a month. He says he wants to see if he would be okay without me and he wants to really see how much he actually loves me. Is he going to break up with me forever once the month is over? Should I break up with him? I’m confused and don’t know what to do.
I’m going to be totally honest with you here: taking a break is almost never a good idea. It’s a pretty lame way to hold onto someone because you’re too afraid to let them go completely. It sounds like your boyfriend wants to break up – but he doesn’t want to lose you entirely, just in case he changes his mind. Saying you’re “taking a break” instead of totally breaking up is his way of keeping you exactly where he wants you until he decides exactly what he wants. In other words? It’s selfish, and it’s not fair to either of you.
If that doesn’t convince you not to go through with this, think of it this way: you could get seriously hurt from this break. Once you’re officially “on a break”, your guy might take it to mean that he’s officially single for a month. That means he can be with other girls – and that is only going to make you insanely jealous. If that’s the case, you can be with other guys too. But if you guys do end up back together after that month apart, anything that happened with other people is going to cause a lot of fighting and hurt feelings.
Taking a break also makes moving on that much harder. If you guys don’t get back together after that month apart, there’s a chance you might get your heart broken all over again. Despite what happens during that month, you’re going to have some sort of hope that you’ll end up back with him. And if you don’t? That’s going to seriously suck.
And, I’m sorry, but he wants to see how much he actually loves you? Um, yeah girl, I think you should break up with this dude. Not only is that a completely insensitive thing to say (even if you’re thinking it, don’t say it – it’s just mean), but also? You deserve a guy who doesn’t doubt whether or not he loves you. And if this guy is doubting it… then he’s just not worth your time.
All in all, taking a break just isn’t fair for you. It’s not fair for your BF to make you wait around a month while he tries to decide what he wants from your relationship. Tell him that if he needs to figure things out, then you’re going to have to officially break up. If you two are meant to get back together, you will. But don’t give yourself false hope or waste your time waiting for him. Let him figure things out on his own while you move on and do what makes you happy.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org