From The Message Boards: How Do You Get Over Your Ex?

There’s no sugar-coating it: getting over an ex stinks. Whether a relationship was good or bad, long or short, or serious or not-so-serious, letting go of a person you trusted and gave yourself to is never easy. The only thing worse than dealing with a nasty breakup is still not being able to get over your ex after months of being single.

At some point in our lives, we’ve all wondered to ourselves how we’ll ever forget about one certain someone. It might even seem impossible at times… and that thought can really bring a girl down. So when I saw this topic in the message boards, I knew it was something that everyone could relate to. Check out some the awesome advice from one of our girls – then give some of your own.

boomtiing_ox said:
Honestly, I never thought I’d be posting something like this because I really believed that I wouldn’t have an issue like this; that I’d be strong and just be able to brush my ex off because I was the one who ended it.

Wrong.

I’ve deleted his number and Facebook so I never text him, but I still find myself messaging him. I feel almost like a failure and pathetic because I still feel attached to him and he has already moved on. He’s in a new relationship, he literally started dating her when we started college which was a few weeks after we broke up. How do you move on that fast? This irritated me because it’s like, look how quickly he gets a new girlfriend and I haven’t even had a guy take interest in me but I guess I’m used to that since I’ve never been popular with males; never have never will. I’m surprised I even have an ex to be perfectly honest.

When I talk to him I sound so desperate, because I tell him how if he was single I’d hook-up with him and that it’s not fair that I’m lonely and he isn’t. He was my first ever boyfriend and I had sex with him; I don’t regret that but maybe if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t still feel attached to him.

I also seem to have lost the bit of self-confidence I worked hard to get from advice given by you girls. I feel crappy, ugly, unattractive, needy and worthless. I feel that I’ll never have a boyfriend again, when I go to uni I’ll be the woman that never dates/hooks up with anyone and when all my friend’s are getting engaged/married/pregnant, I’ll still be single.

Now is a great time to lean on your friends. | Source: ShutterStock

I know what I need to do, cut ties with him and stop speaking to him. I’ve tried before believe me, but it’s difficult y’know.? I know it’s no excuse but I lack willpower; I won’t contact him and he’ll either contact me or I won’t stop thinking about him and give in.

I hate making posts like this because it just sounds like whining but I really think I need someone to speak to.

kissmeimirish said:
Okay, well for starters, go to a nail salon and treat yourself to a mani-pedi. You deserve it .

Second, people move on at their own pace. You can’t expect to find love just weeks after breaking up with him. Life just doesn’t happen like that. And if he’s saying he misses you and is still talking to you that’s a red flag that he moved on too quickly. The first thing you need to do is stop messaging him. As hard as that is, you don’t want to be the cause of the breakup of his new relationship, he may end up resenting you for it later. You don’t want to be “the other girl” and no girl wants to feel desperate – you’re making things worse on yourself by continuously talking to him. Plus, like you said, he has moved on and is in another relationship. The best thing you can do is leave him alone (as hard as that is) and be happy for him. What you’re doing isn’t fair to either of you.

It’s okay to feel crappy, he was obviously your first love and that’s normal to feel bad after you lose someone like that. This is many a girl’s problem after a breakup: You’re so worried about him and what he’s doing that you forget about YOU. Then you stop and go: Why am I not happy? He’s happy because he isn’t sitting around worrying about what you’re doing all day. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t or didn’t care about you, it just means that he’s going to live his life and you should too.

Do you go out with your friends? Do you call them to say hi and see how they’re doing? Try doing this a little bit at a time: Don’t think about him or talk about him when you’re with them. And the more you do that, the more you focus on the moment and where you are and the people you are with, the easier it will be to let go and think of him less. By the time you get to that point (and you will, it just might take some practice) guess what? You’ll be living your own life!

What are your tips for getting over an ex? Have you ever been in this situation? Are you dealing with something like this right now? Tell us in the comments! 

 

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  • hannah b

    over the summer my boyfriend and i had a nasty breakup. he was my first. i also somehow managed to lose all my friends over the summer. i was a mess and sobbed my heart out everyday. this year i made some new friends and even got a new boyfriend i really like. I was SO happy about finaly moving on. but then about 3 weeks later he dumped me…but then told me he took it back and he wanted to be with me, he would try harder, and he loved me. But then he totally ignored me in school and wouldnt answer my messages. one of my guy friends who is also friends with my boyfriend talked to him about it. He said that he said he loves me but needs to focus on grades and maybe we could try again in january. if he gave me up like that is it worth it to try to be with him again? i really like him, but should I wait around? I’m so confused

  • Juan Pina

    VERY great advice. After a breakup though, I strongly suggest meeting new guys. Even to just have new guy friends. This great free video shows you how to talk to guys and make ANY guy you could ever want to be yours: http://becomingloved.com

  • Ash

    I’m in the same situation right now. The only difference is he’s making it hard to let go.
    I was with a guy for 5 monthes. it went from a summer romance to just a long distance relationship. he broke up with me three weeks ago.. over text. we had a fight the day before and then he asked for space and didnt text me till the following morning. he said “i don’t think we are going to work out.” i went completely numb. because our relationship had been toxic and i had been planning on ending it. but he beat me to it. i still cared about him and i was his first girl, so i told him we should just go back to being friends.
    But this didnt go all that well. Because when he broke up with me. i felt like he didnt care, when we talked he would just talk about how it affected him, and how terrible he felt. it felt and still feels like hes waiting for me to get back together with him. but our relationship was so toxic thats the only reason i havent. he tried to make me feel guilty even though he’s the one who dumped me. at first we just made small talk over text but when he wouldnt text me, we talked over facebook, and when he stopped responding on that, he emailed me. thats when i realised he’s the one making it hard to let go. and he just is holding onto me because he feels guilty and wants me back. the only reason he hasn’t said anything is because he’s just as stubborn as i am and he’s hurting because he knows he broke my heart. I have tried everything to get over him, but what works the best for me is distraction; like school and hanging with friends. Because the day he broke up with me all my friends were really supportive. they hugged me and completely showed empathy and understanding. Because in reality no boy is going to ruin your life and lots of people are and have gone through breakups and getting your heart broken. It’s ok to feel sad, but don’t let your sadness take control of you. It’s ok to have a girls night and cry and get out the tears, but doing it over and over again isnt right. HE OR SHE DOES NOT OWN YOU! you lived without them before you CAN do it again. Don’t be alone or depressed all the time that just makes it harder. dont stalk his fb or read the texts or look at the pictures a million times. because you are stronger then that. and it just makes you miss who that special person was suppossed to be not who they really were. if you were meant to be together you still would be. use your new found strength to try something new, or to power something your good at. like sports if your athletic, if you like writing pour it into your next novel or poem with your new found spare time. if yourr an artist use ur strength as your inspiration for a new piece. if you like music DO NOT LISTEN TO A MILLION BREAKUP SONGS! use your strength to write an awesome song like kelly clarksons song stonger or avril lavignes song freak out. or find a new band or artist. If your into nature go for a hike. if you like to shop go shop, buy an outfit you look hot in and makes you feel good! if your social go MEET SOMONE NEW Go hang with your friends! chances are they miss you and want to make you feel better!! if you like to read go buy a new best selling novel!
    Try something new even! like yoga or sculpting!
    There are soooo many things you can do with your new found freedom, spare time, and new found strength! find yours!