Ask A Guy: What Do Dudes Think About Girls Who Make The First Move?

make the first move

Will he care if YOU ask HIM out? | Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

What do guys think about girls making the first move? Like asking for their number or asking them out? Or even just girls texting the guy first?

If the number one question asked of me and my fellow dating coach Dave  is how to overcome approach anxiety, the most popular question posed specifically by the ladies is whether or not it’s cool for a girl to ask a guy out. Well, not only do both Dave and I feel that it’s totally cool – we strongly encourage girls to do so!

Ask any guy if he’d like to be approached more often for dates, and I’ll pretty much guarantee he’ll answer “yes.” The truth is, when it comes to romance—especially in our teen years –lots of ladies have more (figurative) balls than most guys do. So don’t be afraid to (figuratively) use them! Contrary to what you may assume, being asked out is anything but emasculating for most guys – instead we feel excited, or even relieved when a lady steps up to the plate on her own.

However, if you take my advice, promise me that you won’t make a habit of letting any guy off easy. Once you initiate plans, it should be the guy’s responsibility to make the next move. Obviously if you’re the one who asks for his number, you’ll need to follow through and make the first call as well. But you don’t want to set a precedent of making all the decisions in the relationship—after all, every girl deserves to be wooed! Eventually, the courting process should resemble a game of table tennis more than a game of…you know, something…in which one person does all the work…. Golf?

You get my point.

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Kays

    Say i’m already in a relationship with a guy, is it totally cool to hold his hand and put my arm around him first? do guys prefer that?

  • Laura

    Hey 🙂
    So I met this guy at the smoothie bar at the gym and we hit it off, I saw him a few days later at the bar and i recognized his face so I went straight up to him and said hey where do I know your face? And he said I served you at the gym. I asked his name and for his number and texted him a week later. He replied and was very talkative! My question is should i wait for him to take initiative now or keep showing my interest?
    Ta xx

  • Wondering in the west

    So I hooked up with this guy at a wedding and we were interrupted… I want to go out with him and we have briefly texted since the wedding… Should I just ask him out or wait to see if he is interested and my guy feeling is wrong?

    • Laura

      Go for it girl! You have nothing to loose and if he turns you down you save alot of time wasting ! “You never loose by loving you only loose by holding back”

  • orangenarwhalgurl

    YES! So agree! Some guys are too shy to ask a girl out so just do it! I asked out my current boyfriend because I knew he was too nervous to do it. Besides, I think it’s fun to take initiative and make the first move. I even kissed him first. 😉 Luckily, he took the um, next few steps… 😉

  • Jinnaha

    hey guys need some advice!! This super cute guys asked me out few months ago and of course(because I fancied him like for ever before ) I said yesbut we didn’t speak to eachother coz we were both really shy so three days later he dumped me </3 now again he keeps looking at me and in pe I've been paired up with him loads and he's been physically flirting with me but still we havnt spoken it's just been like smiling at eater from across the room and like nudging…I've got a gt feeling he still like me I still like him but I want to know HOW to ask him out?! Again…and I'm scared e will think I'm weird wanting to go out again since we broke up already…HELP!

    • Skcishdbciushd

      Honestly, I think you should go for it! If hes been sending out some strong signals hes obviously into you! I feel like maybe since you’ve been talking in pe he might feel something. You should never be afraid to text or call your boyfriend, once he knows that you’re wanting to talk to him, he’ll warm up to the idea of talking to you first.

      • Ethan Fixell

        I second Skcishdbciushd’s comment — go for it!


  • fishy

    i really like this one guy nd we dated before but broke up. now he might ask me out nd i have no idea wht to say someone help me

  • Guest

    Haha yeah I tried that… it worked but the guy thought I should start everything (because I started it) and I got sick of waiting for him to do small things (calling, texting…) so I ended it. But with the right guy I’m sure it would be great.

  • contrygirl1928

    You knowwhatswierd my rushes name is Ethan lol just not him

    • Ethan Fixell



  • basschick

    wow thanks a bunch! i am so giving this guy my number asap

  • Cait

    Relating back to that anxiety question you apparently always get, I might as well ask: How can a girl get over that anxiety and ask a guy out? I have been seriously bullied in the past, a lot of it relating to the idea that I am hideous, disgusting, no one would ever want to be in a relationship with me, ect… A lot of it came from guys, too. Now I have a lot of trouble getting past that, especially since it still happens. It’s not like I can’t be friends with guys. I even go ballroom dancing, and I’m usually the one who asks the guy to dance. I asked a guy to prom (just as friends). It’s just the idea of being vulnerable to being hurt by someone I actually like that terrifies me. I sort of assume that, while a guy doesn’t mind dancing with me, or being my friend, that they would be completely appalled by the idea of a romantic relationship, and that most of the things people have said about me are true.

  • DanceChick414

    Kso about two weeks ago I asked out this guy and he said yes. But now, after I suggested going to a movie, he hasn’t done anything.