Is there anything worse than not being able to sleep? Spoiler alert: NO. There is not. But even in the deep, dark night, you aren’t always honest with yourself (or whoever may happen to be around) when it comes to why you can’t sleep and what you’re going to do about it…
Sleepovers at Your Place
She said: Sorry but I need the Temurpedic pillow. I have neck issues.
She meant: I have issues with sharing my freakin’ bed. If I don’t get 8 hours of Harry Styles-dream filled sleep, you are NOT going to like me in the morning.
Seeing What’s On
She said: Infomercials, infomercials, religious programming—ooo, what’s this on Cinemax? Island of Lost Horny Hunks? I’m listening…
She meant: From now on I’m sleeping during the day and watching Skinemax all night long. How have I been missing this?!
She said: Ugh, I guess I’ll have some hot milk or something.
She meant: You know what goes great with milk? Cookies. Hmm, better make that cookie dough. But ooo you can’t eat it raw—I guess I should just throw a batch in the oven, huh? Hey is that ice cream in the freezer??
She said: I wonder if Cody is awake? I mean it’s already 4:45am—I’m SURE he’s up and about, right? No way I’d look weird texting him now.
She meant: Tonight I can’t sleep because of insomnia but something tells me I’ll be up again tomorrow regretting the too-early, ultra-creepy text I’m about to send.
Needing Something Downstairs
She said: Oh GAWD don’t be a baby—it’s just the dark. There is NOTHING scary about having the lights off—it’s going green!
She meant: I can see the headline now: Beautiful young coed ripped to shreds by unknown monsters in her own kitchen. Tube of cookie dough found next to body.
Hearing Weird Noises
She said: OMG what was that?! Totally just a raccoon…right? Yeah. They always knock things over. And scratch. And turn the doorknob…
She meant: I’M GOING TO DIE. My life ends like an episode of Law & Order beings. This is it for me. I’d better text Cody.
Do you have trouble sleeping? What do you do or worry about when you can’t sleep? Tell us in the comments!