5 Signs Your Friend is a Total Bitch

bitch, bad friend, frenemy

Is your friend gossiping about you? Not cool. | Source: Shutterstock

We have our friends, and then we have those people who act like friends, but don’t deserve that title. How do you know if your pal is a friend or a frenemy? If she’s acting like a total bitch and pulling some of the things below, you might want to reevaluate your friendship.

1. Your friend always has to one-up you.
You spent days studying for that test and you’re stoked about that 96 percent? She didn’t think it was that hard, only briefly looked at her notes the night before, and got a 97 percent. You had stomach flu for two days and it was awful? She had it for a week and almost died. You think your parents’ punishments are bad? You should try HER parents’. And on and on.

2. She only calls when she needs something.
She needs to copy your notes from French class, to borrow that supercute dress, or even though she never calls you back, suddenly you have to talk to her all night on the phone after she gets dumped. If you want to borrow something, need a shoulder to lean on, or anything else, she’s suddenly MIA.

3. All her compliments are backhanded.
You know, they’re nice until you think twice, stuff like, “That dress makes you look less fat than the last one did,” when you’re out shopping, or at school, “You got a really good grade…for you!” Anything she says still points out what she thinks are your faults. Compliments should make you feel good, not self-conscious. You don’t need to put up with her bitch mouth.

4. She talks about you behind your back.
We all have our good and bad aspects, but she focuses on the bad and makes sure to bring them up with others. Worse, maybe she’s even starting rumors based on innocent things you might have said (ex. you saying “I got in an argument with Valerie last night” becomes “Amy totally hates Valerie!” when your friend tells someone else – who didn’t need to know your business in the first place). She tells your secrets, makes fun of what you’re struggling with, and if you’re having a serious problem, says you’re overreacting.

bad friend, frenemy

She did NOT just put you on blast on Facebook. | Source: Shutterstock

5. She insults your family or your beliefs.
Ok, we all say not-so-nice things about our families sometimes, but when someone else does, that’s different. When your friend says she would never ever marry someone with what she considers a crummy job, like, heaven forbid, a plumber, and that’s what one of your parents does, she just put down your parent . . . and that’s a total bitch move. Things like, “My mom’s really chill, not like YOURS,” is judging. Being mean to your younger sibling isn’t ok. Making fun of you because of your religion, being vegetarian, political beliefs, or anything else that’s important to you is a no-no.

What can you do if you have a friend who’s acting like a total bitch? Try asking her about it; maybe she didn’t realize she was doing something wrong. But if she tells you you’re being too sensitive or making a big deal of nothing, well, it’s probably time to find someone worth being your friend.

Have you ever had a really bad friend? Have you ever liked someone and then realized they were acting like a total bitch? What did you do about it? Tell me in the comments!

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Posted in: Friends & Family, Your Life
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84 Comments

  1. avatarfs says:

    my friend has done all these. i dunno, shes just so mean and ugh she always has to compete with me and she basicallly gives away ALL my crushes and shes like really rasist. she always says things like you dont drink tea! like omg just cause im asian does not mean i dont drink white tea!! and she does not respect my house at all and make my carpet really mad at messy but when im at her place i have to be thi neat freak and she gets mad at me over little things when shes the one doing mean things to me, like ive alway held it in, why cant she?

  2. avatarJuju says:

    My friend is a TOTAL bitch. She’s a bit on the big side but i’m not like others who ram her up about it all the time. She doesnt see that. She only calls or texts when she wants to talk about this guy who shagged and left her or when she wants someone to go out with her. She’s always putting up status updates saying she cant trust anyone which makes me feel bad cause i’m the one she usually hangs out with. Well i’m done!! I hate how I feel around her. She’s actually ignored me in a group chat with other friends. She keeps telling me she doesnt like my bf when she’s been flirting with him… :( :( :(

  3. avatarMary J says:

    I have a ‘friend’ just like this and I decided to cut ties with her. I am still polite and nice but I no longer hang out with her. We were friends for a long time. When I started dating my now husband I noticed her becoming jealous and bitchy. She didn’t have a boyfriend herself at the time. She started talking about me behind my back, and boasting about how many guys liked her etc. I never responded negatively to her. She often tried to flirt with others friends boyfriends including mine. Since she has got married herself she has never ceased to try to get one up on me no matter what. Her wedding was really boring (in my opinion) but she seems to think it was better…boasts constantly about her husbands money as she has none of her own and no education. When she had a child she was so condescending often trying to embarrass me in company by asking “So, when are you having a baby” I was never rude to her but I just grew to hate the girl and all of her toxic insecurities she was leeching onto me. She is so competitive and delights and giggles at any bad news and making me look bad in front of others. I can only imagine the things she has said about me behind my back. She never stops talking about herself and it came to the point where I just cant stomach being in her company. With friends like this who needs enemies!! Just get rid of people like this out of your life like I did and you will be happier.

  4. avatarYvette says:

    I don’t know if how we perceive a friends’ bad behaviors has anything to do with themselves or us. I would like to think a coworker who I thought was nice to hang around with had personal issues. I would like to think I was not one of her issues, even though she was being outright irritated with me, and seemingly not with others.

    People tend to hold an ideal view of a friend or in this case, a coworker. We start projecting this positive image that expounds on some their best qualities, and even predict how they are going to react or behave in a situation.

    I always thought this coworker, though loud, a little rowdy, sometimes disagreeable, but talkative, friendly and at times, funny, was one of these people. Every now and then, I would see snippets of her bad moods, but I always thought it was because of stress or problems outside the workplace she was going through. I didn’t take it personal when she didn’t say Hi to me or didn’t want to talk to me sometimes. People have their down days.

    My amicable view of her changed forever when one day, we were both assigned to new cross training duties. I thought, “Hey, cool! It won’t be so bad training with Becky (not her real name) here, the tough, funny, always ready for a laugh girl of our department!” Well, was I wrong. She suddenly started treating me differently, at times impatient and hostile with me, never taking her irritated eyes off the computer when she would tell me to do something. She even abruptly left in the middle of work during our training and missed another day.

    She came back with a raw fury and vengeance of tackling the work to be the best and, it seems, running over me to get there. I think she had a long talk with her boyfriend, who may have influenced her, lol.

    We were equals in rank, yet, somehow she was looking down on me, I’m sorry to say. She would hardly say Hi to me anymore and would perk up and talk normally to the others as if it was a peachy day. I also noticed she would say things that were meant to get a rise out of me or try to outdo me in job duties on purpose. I was too afraid to confront her on whether I upset her in some way. I asked our training supervisor, and she said it wasn’t me.

    I did not imagine our training would go this way at all! I imagined we would train, and she would be laid-back, talk about interesting things or joke around with the me as we learned together…..see what I mean? The ideal view we hold of our friends? I could only guess she did not want to work with me because I either hindered her performance or she personally disliked me. To my complete surprise, she complained about me not keeping up with the training to one of our team leaders, which I believe was not true. I was as eager to learn and up for the challenge.

    Even now, some psych of myself refuses to believe she is really that way. I had two dreams about her. The first one she was sitting down and apologizing to me. The second she had been rejected for something, I don’t remember if it was a job offer or what, and she seemed a little sad, yet humble.

    I think my dreams are just showing me the ideal image of her – what I WANT to see, not the truth of how she is. No bad qualities. I wouldn’t be surprised if my next dream about her is being funny or doing something goofy.

    But sadly, I had the brush with the “bitchy” of a friend side as well. I am still in shock over it and the training session wasn’t a pleasant experience. What’s worse, the team leader seemed to be on her side all the time. I did not reveal my troubles to another supervisor until many months later and when I was ready to leave the job.

    I would like to think she is, for most part, not a truly bad person. What if she had bipolar? Then she can’t help the way she acts. What if she overheard me talking to another coworker about something quite offensive (which I won”t repeat on here), then yes, her hostile behavior toward me could be justified. I don’t know. I would have to ask her, lol. Another part of me believes she might be sociopathic (friendly and charming demeanor, but with a hidden agenda), but I could be dead wrong.

    I decided that she would not be a good friend for me, despite the other positive version I have of her in my mind. She might be a good friend to go out with for a drink, but not a true friend in the sense she would be there for me and never betray me. Or never argue with me constantly, knock down my beliefs and things I like in self-righteous rigor, or try to one-up me, or hide hurtful comments behind jokes or compliments. I apologize for the long rant, but thank you hearing me out. If you feel you can’t be friends with a person, then it might be better to go separate ways, and build new friendships that matter. Peace to you all, and hang in there!

  5. avatarLollie says:

    Yep my frenemy is a bitch-acho. Lol

  6. avatarpatricia says:

    I am in secondary school and I thought my friendship group was perfect. I went round with three girls, Aisha, Megan and jade. I’ve been going to this school for a number of years now, and over the course of the months, jade has fallen out with basically everyone in my friendship group. For example, she hated Aisha so she had an argument with her and then the whole group split up. Megan went round with jade and they said if i don’t leave Aisha they’ll ignore me as well as her. Im not that mean so i went with Aisha. You get the idea. Since then we’ve all been fallig out and haven’t been a proper group for at least a year now. Currently, im going round with jade and it feels awkward being just her and me all the time, because i try and make small talk but she never seems interested. I feel so terrible about this, because Megan and Aisha go round together and i see them having fun. I have to put up with jade be mean about them and everything. I’ve been friends with jade since primary school. I want everyone to be friends and i cant even speak to Megan or Aisha because otherwise jade will get losses off at me. I feel sad and angry everyday at school because my friends hate each other. I just want everyone to be friends but jade won’t swallow her pride and stop ignoring Megan / Aisha. This annoys me greatly. I don’t want to leave have because I feel sorry for her, I mean who would she hang out with?? Oh my gosh im so confused and sad and annoyed. I basically can only hang around with jade all the time and absolutely no one else. I JUST WANT TO BREAK FREE AND STIP STRESSING OVER JADE AND HANG AROUND WITH AISHA AND MEGAN SO IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? WHY AM I ALWAYS STUCK IN THE MIDDLE??? Can I be friends with jade if shewas so mean to me in my first year of secondary school by for example manipulating me and pinching me so hard I had bruises? Im lost and I know that I will regret this later in life as secondary school is something you are meant to enjoy and you only go through it once. Its time jade grew up and stopped ignoring Megan and Aisha. Choose your friends wisely, and don’t get stuck in the middle like me? :(

    • avatarBibi says:

      You should go with Meghan and Aisha. Jade sounds really controlling and kind of mean like one friend I have . It feels so much better when you are out of her control. I haven’t let her go because I also feel sorry for her. Just talk to her and get a way around it. If jade is really your friend she will understand

  7. avatarLina says:

    Basically my horrible friend Shaniqua… I’ve been texting her for hours on kik and all she does is READ it. She never responds to me directly, only chats in the group convo. She makes me feel like shit at school bc I’m apparently not good enough. She makes fun of me, uses me, and never has anything nice to say to me. I wish I could ditch her, but I feel like it would be Rudd and I still want to be friends with her, you know? I feel like when she’s not being a total bitch, she actually cares about me.

    • avatarAnonymous says:

      what you just described is not a friend. try talking to her about it,but if it doesn’t work out leave her.

  8. avatarTeah says:

    I actually have a friend right now that I’ve known for 11 years, she is a total bitch to me and always chooses other friends over me. As I’m writing this comment she’s hanging out with this girl Vanessa swimming in her pool while I’ve been texting her and I still haven’t gotten a response but I saw on social media pictures of her all over her phone. I admit I’m way to scared to let her go but I think I have to. I am having a fight with myself. Fuck her.

  9. avatarneurotic1 says:

    My best friend has helped me out a lot in the past, and I don’t want to lose her, but I have a massive issue: she keeps snogging my ex boyfriend! She’s done it a few times now – the first time was last year when me and him had a massive argument and weren’t talking for a few months, and I guess that one I could forgive, because we weren’t officially together. But recently she’s done it again – we only broke up from a pretty long relationship a couple of months ago, and she got off with him at a party, even though she knows all the upset our break up caused me and though I told her the last time that I really didn’t want her to do it again, and she knew how upset I was about the other times she’s done it.
    I don’t know what to do, because she doesn’t seem to get that it’s a massive deal to me, I feel like it’s a betrayal of out friendship, and she kissed three other guys that night. She can’t seem to to out any night without kissing multiple guys – and I don’t care about that, it’s that she kissed *him*! And she did it after I left the party and didn’t tell me about it, so she obviously knew she’d done something wrong. If I thought she liked him, it’d be different. He’s just another guy to her.
    Please help! What do I do?

  10. avatardaisy says:

    When they plan outings then leave you out until you suggest the same place…

  11. avatarannonymous says:

    I have been with my 2 best friends for 5 years now but they have another group of friends who im not friends with and they always make plans to do stuff and don’t even tell me! like tonight I was just told theyre all going out to a disco and they didn’t even tell me. im crying here……

  12. avatarGala says:

    Er…my mother does everything in the above article and I do mean everything.
    Totally Crap “Friend”!!!

  13. avatarO says:

    well, butthurt friends can turn them into bitches, i guess.

    i got this mindset that friends can only be made at everywhere other than workplace, but turned out i got it wrong. being butthurt and jealous can make your “best” friends even more evil than how enemies should be. seriously.

    friends are supposed to be happy when you are, not accusing you on very nasty things everytime you got your happiness.

  14. avatarSue xx says:

    I have a friend who looks innocent and everyone, even the teachers and the ‘cool boys’, like her because she looks so smart and innocent. But in reallity she is a fucking bitch!! she took my place in everything! before, i was the smartest girl in my old class, my old friends know this. but now this girl, is really fucking dumb, but asks me to help her, (yeah she fucking uses me!) and then she gets the highest grades on every test!! But I also have the highest scores of course…. but everyone is like ‘yeah she probably copied from that cute innocent girl’ and Im like aaarggg!!! She sees it, but says nothing about it, she is just like, “yeah that wasnt so difficult, was it?”(she even asks this question to me, when in reallity she was the dumb cow who didnt know anything about the lesson, and thanks to me got the best grades… –’ ) i cant take this anymore :( please help me im so confused i feel sick I hate that bitch… she is a fucking liar…. this still happens… but now i dont help her anymore… i try to surpass her.. i wanna be better than her ( of course i can.. she was the one who asked me for explanation..) but in reality we act like we are friends.. because she is the cousine of my best friend and i dont wanna mess it up ya know :/

    • avatarAria says:

      Find a new friend, and just forget about her dont waste your time and effort, just slowly start ignoring her and at the same time make new friends

    • avatarsam says:

      Get rid of her . You totally dont neef her. She is totally not worth it. Shes bad/evil! Has no shame and sense of right and wrong. You sound wonderful, intelligent and worth a whole lot more. and can do better without her. Trust yourself.

  15. avatarAnonymous says:

    My best friend turned on me junior year of high school. We grew up close as can be, like sisters. Then, I made friends with the new girl right before freshman year. We got really close and then suddenly she started avoiding me. My “best friend” had told her I was physically violent (untrue) and emotionally unstable (incredibly untrue. I cried once in middle school, unlike many of my friends who cry willy-nilly over everything). I got over it and eventually forgave her. I didn’t want to lose my best friend. But then In junior year, we got into a huge fight, and I called her a bitch. And during high school I rarely cursed and this was the first time i had called someone a bitch. 5 years later and I still don’t regret calling her that. She was the girl who never worked for anything, but got whatever she wanted. Too bad I’m the guys girl and every guy just see her as a tease. She doesn’t have guy friends cause she flirts with everything that moves. And she doesn’t have girlfriends because they can see her manipulative nature. Its too bad. She was a beautiful girl on the outside, but a snake on the inside. I’m so glad I will probably never see her after a high school reunion in however many years.

  16. avatarardnaskela says:

    i have 3 friends and one of them is a total bitch. i dont know what to do bc the other 2 are such good friends. HELP!

  17. avatarsuzy says:

    I had a friend that was close by through my terrible divorce..she gave me very bad advice.told everyone about my troubles..lost my home, husband had to get job relocate start anew ..she invited me to meals at her house which i would go ..at the time i was walking through a fog of losses and depression and all the time rebuilding my life…conversations at her table would always be about my life and making crude comments..conversations then started being funny to her she would let me borrow her husband for sex ha ha..we could do a threesome ha ha, i lived in a one bedroom apt.near her home and she said she would tell her husband to come to my place if he wanted sex she really didnt care for him sexually tired..I thought what? i knew she was being crude and awfull ..she made mean comments about my kids ..even posted things on facebook we discussed between us about our adult children..not hers mine..she tried to get me involved with her brother which was another mentally nut..she invited me always to Easter,Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners and out of the blue she said her brother 64 would not come to Thanksgiving if I was there so in a creepy way she dismissed me from Thanksgiving..he didnt even come by the way..she tried to get him to like me and he did not want to and I told her i wanted nothing to do with someone with alot of problems and I did not want to be with anyone ..I am 63 she is 64..I thought i had a friend and she called me her sister..we started going to the gym togerher and then she started about how many crunches she was doing she lost 25 pounds..she became competive and i never said anything about myself to her..if i mention a man at church asked me out..she say I get all the flirting I need from my husband..what?..she went to the beach for 2 weeks .she never called a long time before her beach trip never knew she went..when she came back in 2 days she texting me am i mad at her..this was a regular thing for her she quit keeping in touch with me after all the drama died down from my divorce..she lives in a big home with 1 adult daughter and her grandson she also babysits another grandson..she stays busy with these kids..I live alone most of the time i am at my apt..alone living on social security recovering from the divorce and then my x husband died a year later..she made fun of him being in hell and made more cruded comments about him at the dinner table..relize I am quiet and say nothing..I thought she was awful saying those things..time goes on she knew i was sick several times never called me never comes by..then she calls out of the blue are you mad at me…are you still sick i didnt want to get what you had thats why for 3 weekes i didnt come by..what? it was becoming more and more distant with her ..one of her daughters 30 with a son left her husband and came to live with them..my home that i lost was across the street from hers..a older man 48 moved in my x home..her daughter got with him and also moved in with him across the street form my x friend..she text me one day and wants to know why i am not answering her calls which are random and far between and starts scolding me..what is wrong we use to be such good friends i think my daughter moving in with the man that bought my house was the problem..what? i text her back and tell her i have no idea what she is talking about and i am not ignoring her..she had a behavior for 2 years not calling me for long periods of time and then she calls and says are you mad at me..she then text me back and said she was not my argumentive family and she did not like to argue which is a lie she always kept argueing going between her family menbers and we discussed as older women problems with our family members and then she said this to me..i told her friends dont throw mud on their friends like she does she comment this is alpha and amega I takes the blame and i have nver heard from her agian..

    • avatarOrquidea G. Spain says:

      I’m so sorry after read your case. I myself am cause still the victim of a total bitch.
      She stole my job. Laid a couple bosses. I got fired. Every time the jobhunters or potential new employers call the office for references; I received the worse reputation possible.
      I have a year looking for a new job. She is escalating positions and bitching whose cross her way.
      You are lucky, you got rid of your bitch.
      Good for you.

  18. avatarZoe says:

    My bitch of a friend was Hannah
    She kept loads of seaceret from me and Danielle. Then when we did not tell her something she would go of all moody and start to cry and run away from us.

  19. avatarPT says:

    I am friends with a gay guy (I am a girl), and last year a new girl was allowed into our
    small circle because she was hilarious and seemingly kind hearted. But now they constantly shut me out, put me down, and belittle me in every way they can. They gang up on me, and then separately act like they still care. The constant harassment has made me question social media. Why keep a Facebook when I can consistently see what they are doing together, or commenting on my statuses negatively because I like different entertainment than they do. I even blocked them from iMessage. What kind of friend has to be blocked so they don’t make you feel bad? The bullying of my friends is making me feel all alone, but the guy I have been friends with for four years now. So I think soon I will confront them about the way they’ve treated me. If they can’t take my confrontation seriously and change their ways, I’m kicking their asses from my lunch table and sticking with my one other close friend, who has never wronged me or made me feel bad about myself.

  20. avatarAnonymous says:

    My friend invites me out with all her other friends and they always give me weird looks. Tonight one of them told me to stop being a deatbeat. Turns out she’s been painting me as the broke friend since my parents lost everything, and that’s really sad because at that time I really told her everything and stressed about my future. Now thank God we’re back on our feet, and I’ve realized that she’s no good and the friendship is over.

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