I have a huge crush on this guy. Actually, I think I might even be in love with him. The last time we hung out, we kissed and it was great. Since then we’ve talked, but he’s not looking for a relationship. He asked if we could be friends with benefits instead. I don’t know what to do because I want to be with him in some way… but I love him and he doesn’t want a relationship. Do you think he’ll change his mind eventually? What should I do?
Honestly? No, I don’t think you should be in a friends with benefits type of relationship with this dude. Why? Because it seems like you have very strong feelings for this guy – and trying to have sex with no strings attached when you really like a guy is a recipe for heartbreak and disaster. Getting yourself into a FWB relationship is only going to make things much more complicated for you.
I can totally understand that you want to at least be with this guy in some way. We’ve all been there, and we all know how much that feeling stinks. But you obviously want this dude to be your boyfriend, and he doesn’t want that – he even said it straight up to you. You shouldn’t lower your standards just so that you can be with him a little bit, because in the end, that is never going to make you happy.
I mean, yeah, it might make you happy in the moment, when you two are cuddling in his bed. But what about the next few days, when you haven’t heard from him? Or what about if you see him flirting with another girl? Or if you hear about him actually being with another girl? That’s going to really, really hurt.
While FWB’s can be fun at times, they almost never end well – especially when you go into the situation with strong feelings for the other person. Yes, it’s possible for him to change his mind, but honestly, it most likely won’t happen. You can’t go into this thinking that he might end up being your boyfriend, because those expectations are too high for a strictly hook-up relationship.
Honestly, this dude is basically asking if he can use you for sex. If you didn’t like the guy, and you wanted the same thing, then I would say try it. But you do want something more, which is why it’s a bad idea for you to get involved with him like this. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be willing to settle down now. Sometimes, it’s better to leave a guy hanging then to give him exactly what he wants. Maybe if he sees what he’s missing out on, he’ll change his mind about you. And if not? Well, it’s his loss.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org