What You Really Want To Say In Your College Essay

The art of the college application isn’t so much “Can I list all of my accomplishments?” but “How can I make what I did do sounds SPECTACULAR without being called an outright liar.” Sometimes you succeed, sometimes you fail (and get wait-listed) but I’ll bet you dollars to dining hall donuts that you’ve used some of these collegiate little lies on your essay…






Your Sports Involvement


She said: While not particularly athletic myself, I did serve as statistician for the boys varsity basketball team all of senior year!












She meant: My boyfriend was point guard and one time, I live-Tweeted his game. So that, like, totally counts right?










That Semester You Nearly Failed AP English


She said: As for my unfortunate C- Junior year, I was going through family issues that pulled my focus, regrettably, elsewhere.











She meant: My brother got a new Xbox and that pretty much took the place of any homework whatsoever.











Why You Want THIS School Over Their Rival


She said: I know that academically, I am a better fit for UCLA than USC.












She meant: That pretty powder blue looks SO much better on me. I mean, yellow and red? Ew. Not with my skin tone.











Community Service


She said: Aware of the need for safe rides home, my friends and I started the Sober Drivers Club,w which offers no-questions-asked lifts to students who shouldn’t be behind the wheel.











She meant: And by “club” I mean “We took turns calling our older sisters to come pick us up.”











How You’ll Improve The Campus


She said: I think I can inspire and motivate my fellow freshmen to get involved with campus activities, branch out and foster a sense of community amongst new students.











She meant: I plan to be the only girl who doesn’t gain the Freshman 15.











Life Goals


She said: I always strive to break new ground and make my generation proud; I’d love to find a cure for the common cold or cancer.











She meant: …But first I’ll tackle the things that really matter, like zits, weight gain and why my hair frizzes in the humidity.











Are you writing a college essay right now? What stresses you out most about applying to colleges? Tell us in the comments!

Are You Taking The SATs Soon?

Follow Us On Twitter!

Posted in: For Laughs, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,
  • Lana

    You have the right to your opinion, but to say something is “just a joke” denies that it has an impact on the way people process the world. If people write enough unfair stereotypes about women, people will start to believe them. And telling me to “calm down” implies that I’m somehow overreacting. In that case, I would say better to fight for what I believe in than to just accept the status quo. I’m pointing out what I see in case others don’t. Moreover, I have nothing against “girly-girl” things like nail painting and cute clothes; I just resent the idea that they’re chosen by girls in lieu of less superficial pursuits.

  • sarah

    its supposed to be a joke lana…

  • Lana

    Oh, great. Just what we need. Another sexist article about hair, makeup, and failing classes. Way to go on perpetuating stupid stereotypes about women based on intelligent statements! Doesn’t this site purport to be feminist? I’m not trying to be a whistle-blower, but I just think that re-hashing old stereotypes about girls’ obsession with their looks should not be your goal, and I sincerely hope it’s not your intention. Frankly, I just think it’s a sorry excuse for not having any new article ideas. When I wrote that stuff on my college apps, it was because I worked HARD for it–and so did most girls I know. They were not the insecure girls you are portraying.

    • Z

      Lana, calm down..

    • sam

      My thoughts exactly.