I cheated on my boyfriend! He was away for a few months and I was feeling really lonely. I started talking to my friend’s boyfriend, and at first it was totally innocent… until I realized that I had a little crush on him. The second time we hung out, we hooked up. After it happened, I realized it was a huge mistake. My boyfriend is coming home soon and I don’t know what to do! I feel like the most worthless person on Earth because I know my BF would never to do this to me. I love him and don’t want to lose him. Help me, Heather!
I’m not going to say that cheating doesn’t suck, because truthfully, it does. However, mistakes happen. We’re not all perfect and sometimes our urges take over and we mess up. You shouldn’t be making yourself feel like the “most worthless person on Earth.” You made a mistake, and now you have the chance to try to fix it. I can’t promise that things will work out perfectly, but there are a few things you can do to try to make things better here.
The most important thing you need to do here is to be honest with your boyfriend. It’s not a great idea to have this conversation over the phone or Internet, so wait until he gets home to talk to him. Then just tell him the truth – that you cheated on him. It’s going to be hard to be honest and things might get messy. But you owe it to your BF to be truthful with him. Leaving him in the dark and pretending nothing ever happened is even more of a betrayal. If you lie and he ends up finding out down the line, things are going to be much, much worse.
Explain to your BF that you know you made a huge mistake and you really regret what you did. Let him know that it only happened once and you feel horrible about it. Tell him how much you love him and care for him and stress that you want to be able to make things work.
At the same time, you have to realize that he may end up calling things off. It can be really hard to get over an infidelity, and your boyfriend might need some time… or he might need to cut you loose. If he needs some space, give it to him. Let him have the time he needs to figure out what he wants to do. Don’t force him to give you another chance – that will lead to a lot of angry feelings and resentment.
If he decides he wants to break up, then you need to respect his decision. Don’t make yourself feel terrible about this – like I said, cheating happens. Yes, it stinks, but you can’t beat yourself up too much. If you two are meant to be together, you’ll get back together.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org