Okay, so my boyfriend is really close to his girl best friend. Although he might not notice, they kind of flirt. They talk and text a lot and sometimes hang out without me there. He insists he doesn’t have feelings for her like that and that she doesn’t have a crush on him either, but sometimes I feel like he’s lying. I told him it doesn’t bother me, but it does. Should I be worried about my boyfriend and his best friend? Is it wrong for me to tell him to stop hanging out with her?
As a guy who has before been in the position your boyfriend is in, I think I can definitely give you some advice on how to tactfully handle the situation.
First, I’d ask you to consider your boyfriend’s history with this girl. For example, if the two of them are family friends who’ve been playing Mario Kart together since 1st grade, their sibling-like relationship should be less worrisome. Similarly, if they’ve already tried dating in the past, and your boyfriend was the one to bow out, it’s not as likely that he’s looking to rekindle. I would be much more suspicious if this “best friend” of his was someone he once met while cruising LookingForAGirlfriend.com, and has yet to experiment with romantically. You have to weigh all the circumstances before jumping to any conclusions.
Secondly, the resolution of this predicament is also dependent upon your individual personalities. Do you often tend to get jealous? Consider what else could be fueling your feelings before accusing your boyfriend of infidelity. On the other hand, it’s just as important for you to be able to trust him. If you don’t have any reason to suspect something beyond what he tells you, the problem could be inside your head. And if you don’t trust him, he might just not be the right one for you in the first place!
However, regardless of whatever is actually going on here, you should not be lying to him. If his hanging out with his friend bothers you, you need to let him know. Not that you should ambush him on Maury to tear him a new one on national TV–but sit him down for a calm, mature conversation about how their interactions make you feel. It’s amazing how many relationship issues can be solved by simply communicating openly with your partner. If he’s a mature, decent guy, he should be able to convincingly reassure you of exactly why there is nothing to worry about!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.