Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend’s Best Friend Is A Girl. Should I Be Worried?

Boyfriends best friend

Should you be stressed about their friendship? |
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Dear Ethan,

Okay, so my boyfriend is really close to his girl best friend. Although he might not notice, they kind of flirt. They talk and text a lot and sometimes hang out without me there. He insists he doesn’t have feelings for her like that and that she doesn’t have a crush on him either, but sometimes I feel like he’s lying. I told him it doesn’t bother me, but it does. Should I be worried about my boyfriend and his best friend? Is it wrong for me to tell him to stop hanging out with her?

As a guy who has before been in the position your boyfriend is in, I think I can definitely give you some advice on how to tactfully handle the situation.

First, I’d ask you to consider your boyfriend’s history with this girl. For example, if the two of them are family friends who’ve been playing Mario Kart together since 1st grade, their sibling-like relationship should be less worrisome. Similarly, if they’ve already tried dating in the past, and your boyfriend was the one to bow out, it’s not as likely that he’s looking to rekindle. I would be much more suspicious if this “best friend” of his was someone he once met while cruising LookingForAGirlfriend.com, and has yet to experiment with romantically. You have to weigh all the circumstances before jumping to any conclusions.

Secondly, the resolution of this predicament is also dependent upon your individual personalities. Do you often tend to get jealous? Consider what else could be fueling your feelings before accusing your boyfriend of infidelity. On the other hand, it’s just as important for you to be able to trust him. If you don’t have any reason to suspect something beyond what he tells you, the problem could be inside your head. And if you don’t trust him, he might just not be the right one for you in the first place!

However, regardless of whatever is actually going on here, you should not be lying to him. If his hanging out with his friend bothers you, you need to let him know. Not that you should ambush him on Maury to tear him a new one on national TV–but sit him down for a calm, mature conversation about how their interactions make you feel. It’s amazing how many relationship issues can be solved by simply communicating openly with your partner. If he’s a mature, decent guy, he should be able to convincingly reassure you of exactly why there is nothing to worry about!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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7 Comments

  1. avatarSean says:

    I have a female best friend and i have known her for 21 years and both of us met before she got her boyfriend witch she is now married to and her husband and i get on very well but he likes to relax and likes to have the house to himself. He likes me to keep her occupied for the day or weekend and she and i go and hang out and he has never had a problem at all. She is the type of woman that doesn’t like to be told what to do and she is like a sister to me.

  2. avatarSandy says:

    I’m really good friends with this guy and we’ve been friends for a while. I met him my freshman year of high school. Thing is, he’s really cute and by default, really popular. I think he used to like me (I have definitely liked him at one point or another). But when he is dating a girl, I try to stay out of the picture. We flirt, almost naturally. And maybe he doesnt recognize it, but I do. And so will his girlfriend. I know I would hate it if my boyfriend was flirting (even unintentionally) with a “friend” of his.

  3. avatarAllyson5611 says:

    my best friend’s girlfriend was worried about him and me getting together but were only best friend, sometimes if u get to know the best friend you’ll see that they arent into each other . today his girlfriend and i are pretty much close and she isnt worry at all !
    get to know her would be my advise :)

  4. avatarPrettygilr2016 says:

    One of my friends, was in the same problem you were in. She told herself not to worry about it, but months came and she lost all trust with him and her both. She didn’t even come around when they were hanging out. There was drama all the time, she finally talked to him about it, and he told her over and over again it was nothing going on between them. The boyfriends bestfriend tried so hard for months to break them up because she was jealous. My best advice would be to just trust them until there’s a reason not too.

  5. avatarmayuri says:

    Maybe get to know this girl, I mean she is you BF best friend if u get to know her maybe u should be less worrisome. Or maybe she doesn’t like in that way

  6. avatarOhh Lala says:

    I agree just a tidbit of my story. My now BF and I were bestfriends a year ago around this time. He says he always had a crush on me but he was friendzoned. Meanwhile I was clueless and he had a girlfriend who felt inferior to me and my then BFF’s friendship. Obviously now she was right to not like me too hot. However it took at lot more for them to break up for us to get together. Voice your opinion; let it be heard but be gentle and don’t insult him of his BFF’s feelings. He will only feel offended and the convo will turn nasty.

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