Is It Okay To Sext A Friend?


Is sexting a bad idea? Probably. | Source: ShutterStock

Dear Heather,

I’ve been friends with this one guy for a while. I don’t really have a crush on him, but it’s fun to flirt with. We started sexting every once in a while and it’s just pretty harmless. But now I’m wondering if this is okay to do. Is it okay to sext someone who’s not your boyfriend? Is it normal to just be friends but still have sexual moments?

Here’s the thing with sexting: it can be risky no matter who you’re sending those racy texts to. I’m not trying to sound like your grandma here, but the fact is, sexting is really easy to use against someone. The dude you’re sending scandalous texts or pictures to can hold onto those things forever – and once they’re on his phone, there’s not much you can do about getting them back.

Don’t get me wrong… there is nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting with a friend. In fact, that can be the best kind of flirting because there’s no pressure there. There’s also nothing wrong with having sexual moments with just a friend either. Exploring your sexuality is completely fine and totally normal – and doing that with someone you’re comfortable with rather than someone you don’t know very well is even better.

I’m not saying it’s wrong for you to sext a friend. I’m saying that you should be very careful with sexting in general, whether he’s your BFF or a dude you’ve been dating for four years. Is this a text only kind of sexting? Or are you also sending him naked and/or revealing pictures? Sending pictures is where it gets really tricky. We’ve all heard the unfortunate stories about girls who have naked pics who haunt them forever – and we’ve all seen our share of celebrity nudity thanks to hacked cell phones.

I know this may sound dramatic, but you need to make sure you’re not next in line. Is this a guy you can really trust? Even if he seems like the sweetest person ever, he could have a totally different side to him if you guys get in a fight or there are hurt feelings between you in the future. Like I said, once he has those pictures, he can potentially have them forever. That means that not only can he show whomever he wants, but it also means he could keep it and get off on it 15 years from now when you two don’t even speak anymore. Creepy, right? And what if he loses his phone and it winds up in the wrong hands? Then who knows where your pictures will wind up. Creepier, right?

If you’re going to sext, I’d say keep things as PG-13 as possible. I’m going to seriously advice you against sending naked pictures. It’s your body and you can do whatever you want with it, I just don’t want to see you getting hurt.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Mia

    I sexted my boyfriend once & I ended up regretting it. We were together for a while so I felt I could trust him. When we broke up, we got in a nasty fight then he threatened to send the pics to everyone of my Facebook friends. I had to go to the police about it & it was a huge mess.

  • Lol

    Im friends with these 2 awsome guys ( we ” flirt” all the time) and i might like them (don’t quite know) i don’t send naked pics or anything were just like friends with benefits I guess. I don’t know if that’s wrong cause I’ve dated one of them before. Usually when you break up with someone your just ” friends “. but him and I said we can be friends with benefits. then the next day the other guy makes a ” joke ” and says “its okay we’re friends with benefits”!!!! Idk what to do!!!! Help 🙁 please):

  • OohShiny

    I don’t sext, I just flirt with this guy (that I don’t actually fancy, I just like flirting) all the time – let’s call him H. I fancy someone else (call him T) who is really nice, I’ve asked him out, but he just wants to be friends, which is fine. What I want to know is, is it OK to flirt with H if I actually fancy T instead?

  • pinkheart

    Its kind of a common thing that goes on. Obviously its fun to flirt and be naughty about it, but sending naked pictures is something you should only do if you are dating someone. I know guys like to show off and send penis pictures trying to get us to send them something but it can come back to bite you.

  • Matt

    Well I can see where you are coming from even though I’ve never done that. But I see what you guys mean