From The Message Boards: How Can I Be More Outgoing?

How to be outgoing

Wanna be this girl? | Source: ShutterStock

I’m not going to lie, I’m not the best person to ask about how to be outgoing. In kindergarten, I talked so little that my teacher gently suggested to my mom that I may be in need of special education. In high school, I won Most Shy my senior year. Now, after college, I feel like I’ve finally figured out how to be a teensy bit more outgoing.

So I can totally understand when this reader asks: How can I be more outgoing? Being friendly and talkative can be harder than you think! Here at Gurl, we wanted to see what kind of tips you guys would give a girl looking to be a little more outgoing. Check out what everyone had to say, then add your own words of wisdom in the comments.

ginger_snap117 said:
I have always been that little innocent shy and quiet girl at school. Although I have gotten a lot better with my shyness, I feel like it’s a struggle that keeps me from doing what I really want to do. Now that I am about to be a junior in high school, I really want to feel like I’ve made something of my high school years. I’m tired of feeling left out! I don’t want to feel awkward anymore or feel like I bore people. I know when I am around close friends and family I am really silly, playful, and funny! All that I am saying is that I want to be more outgoing and get to know more people and get out of my comfort zone. I don’t want to feel lonely and have nothing to do on the weekends. Does anyone have any tips on what I can do?

It’s okay to be a little shy sometimes | Source: ShutterStock

Ichigo431 said:
I think in order to fight shyness, you can’t be scared of doing something wrong, people hating you, etc. Until this year, I was really shy to the point of being almost antisocial. But then I stopped caring about everything and was confident in myself. That probably made me be able to be myself in public. I guess try confidence and not being scared. Talk to people, start convos, find common interests among people you know.

flamingoccm said:
Stop identifying yourself as “that little innocent shy and quiet girl at school.” You’re letting that hold you back. Try taking an acting class? It might be absolutely terrifying at first, but as a formerly shy girl myself: trust me. You’ll lose that very quickly when you’re on stage. And really–has any ever flat out said to you that you bore them? I doubt it.

When you identify yourself as someone who is shy and quiet and boring, you’ll pretty much go out of your way to make yourself that way. Your body language will scream it! So think of yourself as the person that you are when you’re with friends. It doesn’t sound like you doubt that you’re funny and playful when you’re with them.

These girls hit the nail on the head – I couldn’t have said it better myself. Feeling shy stems from some sort of insecurity, so the best way to become more outgoing is to gain a little confidence. Don’t think of yourself as the quiet girl – think of yourself as the awesome girl you are. And don’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you. Always be yourself and let your true personality shine through.

And keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with being a little quiet. We can’t all be social butterflies or this world would be a very loud and complicated place. If you don’t always want to put yourself out there, you don’t have to – but it’s important to give it a shot sometimes.

What are your tips on being more outgoing? Do you ever feel like the shy girl? Who do you agree with the most? Tell us in the comments!


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  • Carlie

    Soo , I was shy and had a attitude from Pre – K all the way through 6th grade , and I’m going to 9th grade now . 7th grade I had decided I was going to be more talkative , so first I got on the internet and started socializing , and when we got in person we had already talked , so it wouldn’t be awkward . 8th grade I got better , but still quiet at times . When someone talks to me I’ll understand , but I just didn’t have anything to say back , so it would just be a awkward silence because I didn’t have anything to say . So my 9th grade year I’m going to be a little more outgoing , and just let ME out . ♥

  • ?

    When I was a kid I was verry confident as I got into school I lost that and haven’t been able to get it back witch mad it verry hard to make friends and still can’t now I frieze when I’m in crowds. Of new people or people that I fell I wont fit in with that I might say something stupid I spend most of my time alone at home I have very low self confidence and that shy its not funny I wish to be confident and outgoing friends in the past have tryed to help me with this but it never worked I fell it is holding me back from alot but don’t no how to overcome it.

  • Leerone

    I am a bit shy, too. Or quiet. Or both. I am really quiet. But sometimes that is because I can’t find anything to say.I guess I am a lonely girl who likes to be alone sometimes. And it is okay for me.If something interests me I speak. If I have no idea about the subject, I don’t.

  • 1Mely2

    I know exactly how this feels.. I have been like this since the beginning of Middle School and honestly it sucks! People exclude you from everything!! And Im not like this at home,Im funny, outgoing, loud but onceI step foot at school I become a shy low self esteem girl.:(

  • me=CRAZY

    i know how u feel i usedto be the same way! ever since i was little i was SUPER SHY but then when i got to middle school almost all of my friends were guys and i wouldnt say hardly anything because i was afraid i would say something stupid. but once i accidentily forgot who i was txting and sent on a GROUP MESSAGE this weird but funny nickname i made for one of the guys and sent it, and i totally freaked!!!!!! but they all said that it was funny and that if i say stuff like that i should talk a lot more, and i tried that and now im probably the loudest,wildest,most outgoing person out of all of my friends!(including the guys, and i mean look at my freakin name on here) so dont be afraid to be yourself in front your friends cuz its a TOTAL BLAST:) when everyone is atleast a little crazy!

  • HollywoodUndead

    I’m most shy around boys even my own bf and in public speaking o-o

  • eternalsnowbunny101

    It sucks i know that feel. being shy….

  • Estee

    I’ve always been really shy, even around my family, so it was hard to find that niche where I could be myself. I joined some really aggressive contact sports (wrestling and judo) and it helped me to be more outgoing. I find its easier to be myself when I hang around people that are similar to me. I think sports helped me because it helped me to lose weight ( I was 5’2″ and 140lbs) and it helped me to meet some great people (like my bf lol).

  • Tiffany

    oml I’m STILL that shy girl in the back. But I’ve got this weirdness about me where if someone touches me, I’ll go out in panic and jump away as if they were on fire. They’ll look at me like I’m a basketcase and I’ll just try to get out of there. My antisocial thing I’ve got going on has taken affect on my grades. I’ve stopped caring and my straight A record has dropped to a few A’s and some B’s and C’s. I’m not comfortable in my own skin because I’m fat. I’m 5’7 and about 150 lbs. I have never been pretty, maybe with a little bit of makeup, but still not really. I just wish I could have some help and stuff over this anti-touch thing. It’s like my body won’t let anyone touch it. I’m terrified and I’m always in panic attacks around people.
    It’s a bummer deal ):

    • shannon

      Tiffany you shouldn’t feel ashamed off yourself I’m 5’11 and I weigh 145lbs and since you’re tall like me you aren’t fat it’s just because you’re tall. I saw how you said make up may make you prettier, but you shouldn’t hide your face behind make up. I also admit I get the same way when people touch me I’m just really jumpy. I just want you to think of this quote the next time you feel self conscious around people “You either take me as I am, or watch me as I go. You decide.” (btw im only 14 and i get the same way you do sometimes so you’re not alone always remember that)

  • Prettygilr2016

    I’m shy in public, I want to get involved in more activities at school, but I’m scared of what other preppy girls will think of me, I wear the same clothes brand as them and everything. I just don’t know how to speak out.. And be more popular at school..

  • bestfriends192

    I can totally relate to you, ginger_snap117! I am so shy and quiet and im fed up of being bored on weekends. I really want to have people i can hang around with but i find it hard to make friends and get to know people because im so used to being quiet and shy like this. 🙁 Your not alone! x

  • Lanah

    I used to be TERRIFIED of people. So scared that I wouldn’t talk to people I didn’t know. I had my moments of confidence, but that was it. I took leadership in school last year and it has really helped me. Not just to be more confident in myself, but to see that I don’t need to be scared of making mistakes. Everyone does it, and a lot of people aren’t super confident either. I haven’t completely come out of my shell yet(I am still scared to talk to cute guys I could potentially like unless they talk to me first) but I have made new friends myself.

  • Tigress

    I think first step to being outgoing is to feel comfortable with ur own self..when u feel at ease with ur self..u ‘ll feel at ease with others. Try talking or evn smiling to people..whether at school, streets, shops, find a way to start a conversation.

  • Lolly

    Like the article said right at the end, there’s an important difference between being shy and being solitary. I know introverts with excellent people skills, and extroverts who struggle to make all the social contacts they need.

    I’d class myself as a fairly shy introvert. I’m better at socializing than I used to be, but the fact remains that social interaction wears me out. I ‘recharge’ by being alone, whereas an extrovert will recharge by being with other people. Likewise, an extrovert spends energy when they’re alone, and an introvert spends energy in social situations, no matter how awesome the other people may be. (Those in the middle are ambiverts; not many people are right at either extreme).

    If I have any advice, it’s to know which group of friends is right for you. Introverts, don’t let anyone make you feel boring for not being the center of attention or having a large social circle. If you’re looking for a few close friends to do quiet things with, that’s cool.

  • Amaranth

    I’m very proud of my shyness, I think it’s a very valuable thing that’s been undervalued for years. People teach us to be ashamed of it and that we’re supposed to be very outgoing in order to be of any importance or to “have a life”. I think shy people are awesome, they tend to be more cautious around people, have small groups of very tight friends that they’re extremely loyal to and notice a lot more things than people who are outgoing. They’re far more sensitive to other people and their reactions, which is what can make them more insecure. Be proud of being shy, but don’t let it rule your life. You are just as important as anyone else and strive for an inner confidence that allows you to be who you are, than be outgoing because it’s what you think you have to be.

  • J.

    I guess this somehow relates to my younger sis. She’s not the type to sing or dance to songs, gush about guy crushes, etc. However, she says she’s not shy but rather lacks social skills because she doesn’t how to begin/continue a conversation or (quote), “Whenever I try to talk, people always interrupt me or ignore me!” I tried suggesting (and urging) her to join club/activities, which helped to some extent. She made acquaintances, but none that’s considered “friends” to hang out with at lunch.

    • Amaranth

      As a shy person, it takes me a long time to make friends. It would take a few months of hanging out with someone before I’d even consider them a friend. And by a few, I mean nearly 6 months. So when your sister says she only has a few acquaintances, it could mean only the very beginning of building up a friendship. Although, that’s just how it works for me.

  • Jenn

    These tips kind of helped. I feel really lonely lately, and maybe steppin iut of my comfort zone will help me find what I’m looking for- a new and outgoing bestie, or a sweet boy. Just maybe. Thank you!

  • SugarxSpice

    I used to be so shy when I was little but I always loved to act. I started going to this drama club is school and even though I was always blushing I got through the rehearsals. When I was on stage it was like I completely forgot about my shyness. I was still shy when I was in high school but I still loved to act so when ever I was on stage it wasn’t me who was on there but my character. This helped me to gain some confidence. What really broke me out of my shell was my totally awesome friends. They helped me to see how brilliant I am and to feel comfortable with what I say and do. I realised that the only opinions that mattered to be was that of my friends and family. Because of them I am more out going, some people say a little too much out going. I am now comfortable with who I am.