I Snooped Through My BF’s Stuff – Should I Tell Him?

Hi Heather,

My boyfriend left his iPad at my house the other day. I didn’t plan on looking through it, but then I kind of did. When I looked at his Facebook, I saw the name of a girl that I know likes him in his recent history. Even though he swore to me that he doesn’t like her, it hurt me to see that he was even looking at her profile! Should I confront him? Should I tell him I looked through his stuff? I don’t know what to do!

This is exactly why going through your guy’s stuff is no bueno. When we do it, we find things that we never wanted to find. And sometimes we find things that we don’t really know the meaning of. Those things end up stressing us out and could start a huge fight. I’m not blaming you for going through your BF’s stuff, because it happens to even the best girlfriends. I’m just saying you should probably avoid it in the future.

Now you just need to figure out how to deal with what you found.

I know that you’re feeling super confused as to why he was looking at this girl’s Facebook, but don’t jump to conclusions. Looking at someone’s profile hardly means they’re cheating or betraying you – it’s just looking, and you can’t stop your BF from being curious. If there were super flirty messages between them on there, then I’d say you have something to be worried about. But for now, it doesn’t seem like you do – it’s even possible that him glancing at her page was a total accident.

I don’t usually condone lying to a boyfriend, but unless he confronts you about this, I’d say that for now there’s no reason to spill the beans on what you did. Why? Well, like I said, the whole situation could be totally innocent, and then you’re just going to feel sort of silly once you tell him. It’s also probably going to start a big fight. Your BF is probably going to be pretty annoyed that you went through his private stuff without asking – and can you really blame him for that? He’s also going to feel hurt that you didn’t trust him enough to look through his stuff in the first place.

If you really want to come clean because you feel like it’s the right thing to do, then just tell him the truth: that you looked through his iPad. Explain that you feel really guilty about it and assure him it won’t happen again. But if you just want to tell him to confront him about this girl, like I said, it may not be worth it.

However, you definitely shouldn’t go through his stuff again. I know it can be tempting, but your BF’s Facebook is private – it’s not right for you to look through it uninvited. If you’re really concerned about what he’s doing behind your back, then you should talk to him about it. Snooping is never going to help. It’s only going to make you more paranoid and lead to a lot of tension.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Damn

    Well I was looking at his convo with brother, without any intentions since he was talking about a girl he’s(his bro) been dating right, and I just thought what my BF told me about it was funny.
    But then I noticed that he told his brother to “lie” to me that they were out together one day instead of him just telling me he overslept and wanted to relax.
    So I told him that I saw, more or less like I asked him if he thinks its shameful to oversleep and told him I saw what he wrote to his brother(It was right over where the msgs about the girl began) cus I didnt wanna keep it a secret that I looked at his phone you know, and I told him I looked for the convo about that girl, but he became really mad and has shut me out completely. Telling me not to look at his phone again, that his facebook is private.. and I regret it all now ofcourse.. I didn’t have any bad intentions whatsoever..
    I shouldnt even have asked about it and just let it be. Now Im just afraid about bah, how he feels towards me. I know it wont change the fact that he loves me but I bet he is disappointed and mad, and I don’t know how to deal with it >,<
    I know it was stupid, but I still did it :< He's shown me his convos before so I thought it wouldnt be such a big deal that I looked at what his brother wrote about some random girl he had hooked up with. But then now I feel really bad as after that came out he wont really answer small questions – we were looking at pictures on imgur, but when I asked him about stuff it was more or less a "mm.." "meh" (not about the messages since I was fine with the "I slept and wanted to be alone really" answer, I didnt mind) and he wont look at me.. He has school tomorrow, but I cried down in his bed as he laid with his back facing me and told me that I didnt understand what I had done, that his facebook was private and that I had ruined everything(??) and not to ever touch his phone again.
    I swear to god, that I had no bad intentions. He told me I scrolled through to see who he was chatting with, but at first I looked at his convo with his brother and told him that I wasnt. Then I watched the convo again since, I was curious you know. I didnt really even have the thought about anything with me. But then I saw the part where he told his brother not to mention anything to me/if I asked he was out with him.
    What should I do now? He said we would talk about it tomorrow, but I am very nervous. Im afraid that he's thinking a whole other thing that I am and it scares me really. I've always been such a nervous little wreck, and I don't know what to do at all.

  • katy

    if your man really loved you, dumping you over going through his facebook is really y stupid amd highly unlikely to happen.. and NO ONE deserves such thing. We all make mistakes and deserve a chance to improve ourselves and our relationships. Im lucky enough to have a man thats willing to work things with me because he truly wants to be with me and those arenthe guys women need to be looking for.

  • Lolly

    ‘I’m not blaming you for going through your BF’s stuff, because it happens to even the best girlfriends.’

    I am! Been a girlfriend for over three years; NEVER snooped. Going through someone else’s private things is pure scumbag behavior, and the fact that you’re meant to be close makes it a hideous abuse of his trust in you. Tell him what you did, and if he dumps you, it’s your own damn fault. Don’t get another boyfriend until you have respect for people’s privacy.

    • Sarah

      I don’t know if I agree with you. I was going out with my boyfriend of almost 2 years and I had the urge to snoop, and went through with it, and ended up finding out he was doing drugs and doing things with girls he shouldn’t have been doing behind my back. I was glad I looked ’cause when I confronted him he made it seem like he was never going to tell me. I agree with “I”m not blaming you for going through you BF’s stuff, because it happens to even the best girlfriends.”. I think the OP shouldn’t worry about what she saw because it wasn’t that bad as she was making it out to be.

      • desrovum

        In that case you must not mind if your boyfriend went through your facebook, email and phone and kept tabs on everything you are doing.