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A few months ago, I started dating a new guy. He was sweet, but also very, very honest – sometimes a little too honest. I quickly learned that if I didn’t want to hear the truth about some stuff, there were certain things I just couldn’t talk to him about. In fact, I got my first taste of what a backhanded compliment feels like from him, and I really didn’t enjoy it.
I had just planned a vacation to the beach with some of my friends and I was talking to him about it. Half joking around, I said, “I really need to get to the gym and start working out before I lay on the beach in my bikini all day.”
My guy shrugged and gave him an uncomfortable look. “Oh, come on,” he said. “You don’t need to lose that much weight.”
I was literally speechless. I don’t need to lose THAT much weight?! Oh, thanks, dude. I didn’t realize you wanted me to lose any weight at all!
I was pretty hurt by the remark, and even more hurt when he quickly suggested we go to the gym later that afternoon. We didn’t last much longer.
What do you think – did I overreact to being hurt by that comment? Would you have been upset if a boyfriend said that to you? What’s the meanest thing a guy has ever said to you? Tell me in the comments!
Whoa! Check out the totally rude thing this guy said
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I don’t know, I think its all personal. If you said you needed to lose weight what did u expect him to say? I think If you know this guy Is blunt, you be blunt too and ask for a compliment straight up. Tell him what he needs to tell you cause you need to hear it.
My boyfriend said he wanted someone to take care of him for once. he was tired of taking care of everyone else. We had been together for 7 months at that point and I didnt realize he thought he was the one doing everything for our relationship. :$
I think you were overreacting a bit, because you subconsciously feel that you’re unattractive, and he could probably sense that you weren’t confident about your body and you used humor as a way to put that out there. He honestly probably wanted to help you out by being enthusiastic going to the gym, and if you really felt good about your body you would of never asked him at all, and look for his approval.
Ergh! Ignore him! You probably don’t need to loose any weight at all, boys are immature and stupid, and you shouldn’t listen to any remarks that people say anyway that are like that! Their opinion is absolutley irrelevant! He shouldn’t even care. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be bothered about how much you weigh, how you look or how fat or skinny you are! You seem better off without him.
You didn’t react honestly, a guy should love you for who you are.
I think he might have just been going along with what you said. Since you suggested that you wanted to lose weight, he wanted to help you achieve that goal. I think you probably overreacted to what he said.
Sounds like he didn’t know what to say.
Yes, you overreacted. After all you’re the one who brought up the subject of your weight when you mentioned needing to go to the gym. How’s your bloke supposed to know if you’re looking for an honest opinion or not? If you want him to lie to you about how he sees you then how can you ever trust that any opinion he gives is honest.
+1
Maybe you over reacted a little bit, maybe he was just trying to agree with you without insulting you? and his suggestion to go to the gym together was his way of saying he could lose some weight as well. Im sure he didn’t mean to be mean or rude and he was just raised to be honest.
I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad comment. I don’t know the context of this particular situation but it sounded like he may have been trying to reassure you but just didn’t do it in a tactful way.
me and my bf know we’re not perfect and we love each other the way we are and are able to joke around with the subject of weight. unless he says “You need to loose weight, you disgust me” then i’m fine… maybe you got a little too mad if that’s why you broke up
My boyfriend playfully makes jokes about my weight- “OOOFT” when I sit on his lap or “are you sure you want to eat that biscuit?”, but he only does it because I’m not overweight and he knows I’m not self-conscious about my weight. It’s not okay to comment on your significant other’s weight if they’re self-conscious about it (unless you’re in a very long term relationship and you’re concerned for their health).