I’m not exactly a whiz in the kitchen—the bedroom is where I really shine HIYO! Har har har I crack myself up—but that doesn’t mean that I have to be one hundred percent honest about my lack of culinary skills now does it? Read on, tell me if you’ve found yourself cooking up these little fibs…and if not, tell me how much someone would have to pay you to eat at my house!
When Your Crush Comes Over
She said: Oh ya know, just baked a pumpkin pie. Didn’t you know how domestic I was?
She meant: It’s a scented candle. Thanks, Bed Bath & Beyond!
When Your Parents Leave for the Weekend
She said: Mom can you leave money for groceries? There are a few new recipes I want to try.
She meant: Did I say recipes I want to try? I meant the chefs at California Pizza Kitchen. Because that’s where I’ll be eating all weekend.
Your BFF’s Birthday Treats
She said: Ta-da! Fudge and pumpkin cupcakes with marscapone and candy toppings. I hope you like them, I totally got the recipe off Pintrest!
She meant: In the time it took me to drive to some random bakery to buy these, I probably could have made them…and saved myself $40 :/
Making a Mess
She said: I don’t know Mom, the bowl just shattered when I put the mixers in!
She meant: Taking it from the scalding hot oven to the ice cold dishwater maaaayyy have had something to do with it…
She said: We were out of vanilla extract so I just made due with something else.
She meant: I mean…vanilla body spray is, like, the same thing right?
The Aftermath of Your Meal
She said: Sick! Oh no! From dessert, you think? Hmm I kinda doubt it but maybe…?
She meant: OMG is there a “body spray poisoning” section on WebMD?? Thank god I wasn’t dumb enough to eat my own cooking!
Do you lie about what you can and can’t do in the kitchen? Or are you a great chef? Tell us all about it in the comments!