I have a horrible feeling that my boyfriend’s mom doesn’t like me. She always gives me mean looks and never tries to have any sort of conversation with me. Sometimes I feel like she wants my BF to dump me! What can I do to make her like me?
Getting caught in between your boyfriend and his mom? That’s not a place any girl wants to be, ever. I’m sorry you think your boyfriend’s mom hates you! Sometimes winning over your BF’s parents can be tough, especially if they don’t exactly want to be won over. Maybe you’re reading the signs wrong (she could just be unfriendly in general), or maybe she’s just being super overprotective of her son. I can’t say for sure since I don’t know this lady (although if I did, I would tell her to cut you some slack!), but I can give you some advice.
Here’s the deal: sometimes parents just don’t want their kids to be in a relationship. Some parents are really overprotective of their children because they love them so much and they don’t want to see them get hurt. I’m sure your BF’s mom doesn’t have anything specific against you as a person. If she’s being rude and seems to not be interested in getting to know you, it’s probably because she just isn’t ready to share her son’s attention with another girl. That sounds selfish and immature, and while it pretty much is, it’s also something you need to understand: letting go of your kid isn’t always easy!
That being said, there are a few things you can do to get on her good side without totally kissing her butt. Be polite! Make sure you always smile and say hi to her when you see her, even if you don’t exactly get a warm welcome back. Try to start up a conversation with her if the opportunity presents itself. It’s as simple as asking about her job, something in her house you know she’s proud of or bringing up something you two have in common. If she’s totally unresponsive, just keep being polite. If you get nasty and rude with her, then she’ll really have a reason to dislike you… and that could put your boyfriend against you as well.
If you think she resents you for stealing her son’s heart, try including her in stuff as much as you can. Get your BF to arrange a dinner or lunch for the three of you. Ask her for her opinion on things like buying gifts for him. Instead of going straight into his bedroom to hang out, maybe sit with his family once in a while instead. I’m not saying you have to make her a permanent third wheel, but letting her know you don’t want her son all to yourself might make her back down.
You should also talk to your boyfriend about how you’re feeling if you haven’t already. Ask him if he knows if anything is going on and take it from there. Find out if you ever did anything in particular to offend her or make her mad. Let him know it’s important to you that his mom accepts you as his girlfriend. Maybe he’ll have some tips on winning her over.
In the end, you may not be able to change her mind. Some people are just stubborn and they’re going to feel the way they want to feel. That’s okay – as much as it stinks, not everyone has to, or will, like you. Don’t kill yourself trying to get your BF’s mom’s approval – just continue to be polite and stay out of her path. Maybe one day she’ll come around.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org