From The Message Boards: How Do I Tell My Parents I Lost My Virginity?

When you lose your virginity, it can be understandable to be a little confused about who you should tell. Your best friend? Your sister? Your… parents? While losing your v-card is a big deal and an important part of your life, is it something that mom and dad need to know about?

This discussion is going on in our message boards right now, after one girl asked how to tell her parents that she’s having sex. We wanted to bring it on the site to see what more girls think. Would you tell your parents? Did you? How did the convo go? Check out what these ladies had to say and then tell us what you think:

brenbrenluvzu said:
So I’m 16-years-old and my parents are way to overbearing. They’ve never let me have any of my boyfriends over to the house until this year, and even though they let me have him over they are constantly around. My parents are afraid that I’m going to go out and get pregnant. When my boyfriend is over, they have my little sister hang out with us so we can’t do anything. I’m a good kid, I’ve only had sex once with the BF I’m with now. We were careful and I’m on birth control. I have yet to tell my parents that we had sex, and I don’t really know how to. His parents know and he wants me to tell mine. Do you know a safe way to tell them without them telling me I can’t see him anymore?

It’s hard for them to forget you’re not their little girl anymore | Source: ShutterStock

ayeayeaye said:
Being open with your parents is a good idea and kudos to you for wanting to be sincere. But honestly, if you do it you’ll have to be ready to deal with some major fall out. It’s completely normal that your parents are worried. They might be upset for a while and even try to stop your boyfriend from seeing you.

My advice is to be as adult about this as you can be. Be very responsible about everything else in your life, from school to chores, it does count. When you do talk to them, make sure you and your boyfriend show that you have been using protection and that you have also informed his parents because both of you want to be safe and make informed decisions.

stayclassy said:
Why are you going to tell your parents that you had sex??? It’s not like telling your mom when you got your period. And just because you had sex, you think they will allow you to have sex under their roof, seeing the way they are? My advice is to keep it to yourself (and good for you for going on birth control!!) and understand that that’s the way it works under your parents’ roof, the kids don’t get time alone. You’ll just have to find other ways to be able to have sex.

Listen, sex is a really personal thing. I know it feels like you’re obligated to tell your parents about these big changes in your life, but you’re not obligated to tell them you’re having sex – as long as you’re being safe and you don’t think there’s something wrong. If you feel comfortable telling them you lost your v-card and you think it will strengthen your relationship, then do it. But if you think it’s going to ruin things, then maybe keep it to yourself for a little longer.

If they straight up ask you if you’ve done it and you feel super uncomfortable lying to them, then tell them the truth. Stress the fact that you’re on birth control and remind them that it’s your body and it’s your decision. Promise them you’ll continue being careful in the future – but just as a warning, they might get mad or disappointed. If you can deal with that, then tell them.

What do you think – do you have to tell your parents you have sex? How did you tell your parents? What advice would you give this girl? Tell us in the comments!


Want more advice? See what Heather has to say about this

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  • Rosey13

    Ok so I’m 13 and I’ve known this guy since I was 3 or 4 and we kept making out for like 3 days in a row and then when my mom left for work he came over and and asked me out… I know right with 3 days of making out you would think we were already dating but… we made out and talked for a couple hours and then like 2 hours before my mom came home we had sex…. he’s 14 and my mom hates him… I don’t know if I should tell my mom I slept with the person she hates and doesn’t even know I’m dating… but I feel like I betrayed her… but I also know if I tell her I’m going to get kicked out of the house.

  • emily

    I have a bf for 2 months before that I had a LD relationship. me and my bf had sex after being together for about 3 weeks and I had to take the morning after pill but now it I had my period last month and now I am late again but we have only been having anal and my grandmother whom I live with knows I am late but not that I am having sex and she wants to take me to the doctor and I do not know what to do I am scared and confused. I just want my period to come. how do I make it come.

  • Nicole

    Im 17 and my mom looked on my twitter and saw that i was having sex ..she went into my twitter..dont i have the right to my privacy? ..anyways she found out and then she tells me im going to ruin my life she says that i cant see my boyfriend that i love and makes me happy in all seriousness, she isnt letting me do anything. I lied to her when she asked because i knew how she would react and she said i ruined it because i lied i ruined my freedom, she gave me so much freedom i ruined it. My grama then foud out and she is even more against having sex…they said that im only 17 i havent even started my life im dumb ..i dont even know how to wipe my ass yet ..and instead of just focusing on me protecting myself because it IS possible then tell me how much of a dummy i am and saying that now when i find another boy im only going to look for what they can give me sex wise instead of whats inside, my grandmother says that since i lost it boys will know and take advantage with me…i told my mom i felt ready ..she didnt even care to ask if i was using protection..she just thinks its ok to distance myself and thats a lesson…i dont know what to do..also before i told her after her asking me if i am no longer one she threatend to go to the doctors and have them determine..its not even possible and they would of teached her a lesson, i just dont know what to do my boyfriend and i are not together and like it sucks cause we had such a strong connection..we text but it isnt the same. I need to see him and i need for this to go away i just dont know how

  • Alyssa Elkins

    Your intimate life is between you and your boyfriend alone. Why do you want to tell your parents you had sex? I wouldn’t tell them anything; there’s just no need to and no reason I can see why. It’s none of their business–for starters, and that doesn’t even get into the creep factor here…

  • none

    im 17 and i had sex with a boy ive only known for a few weeks, it was also my first time. i cant talk to my parents about anything it seems but it feels like i have too many secrets at this point.

  • Kayla Ellison

    I’m 16 and my boyfriend and i have been together for about 11 months. we started having sex at month 6 so we have been doing it for awhile. i have never told my mother that i have had sex because she is very controlling of our relationship and i dont feel comfortable telling her but i feel like i should be going to a gynecologist to stay healthy and make sure everything is okay. we had been using condoms until about a couple of months ago and i cant go on birth control because i know my mother will find the pills. i dont know what to do but i want to be healthy and on birth control. i completely trust my boyfriend i dont think he has an STD or an STI but there are other things you can contract if you are having sex and i want to be sure…but i cannot tell my mother. i dont know what to do..

  • none

    I’m 17 and I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of a month. I’ve known him since we were babies and my parents are very good old friends with his. I thought my mom would be understanding and supportive when i told her i lost my virginity to him but she was the exact opposite. She is now constantly bringing it up that I disappointed her and that i must not respect myself. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my good relationship with her because of this. I shouldn’t have told her.

  • Mirandacade

    I am 18 and am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. Me and my boyfriend have been dating a year and 1 month now and I think I may have an STD. I haven’t told my mom and she has badgered me about it like 5 times in the past 2 days; one instance being while in Walgreens buying Monistat for what she thinks is probably just a simple yeast infection because I LIED and said I haven’t had sex. I am currently sitting at my desk at my job wondering how, when and if to tell her while at the same time freaking out inside and keeping my cool. You girls sit up here and talk about not telling your parents and how you will ruin your love life. Trust me, I’d rather be sitting here right now single than with the fear I may 1) have completely ruined my future kids life because I chose to have sex and hide it, 2) may have something I can never get to go away and 3) may have effected my best friend/ boyfriend. Add the fact that I play basketball and am in pain every single day. You are putting other girls at risk of situations like mine when you tell them not to talk to their parents. They come here for advice and if their advice is to hide it and lie, they are more than likely gonna roll with it. Parents know a lot and can help in many ways. Yeah, some are controlling like mine, that’s why I haven’t told her yet, but I am considering doing so because of the danger I am in and because of what you all are saying. So, my lecture is over, I am going to TRY to get into the OBGYN as my mom sits in confusion as to how I could possibly get a STD without having sex and as I figure out how not to ruin our relationship. Y’all have a nice day, and take my advice, don’t hide the big things. Please.

  • Sia F. B. Hafa

    I’m 14 and still a virgin, but I’m going to boarding school for high school next year and realistically think that will change. I don’t think it’s my parents business as long as I’m safe and don’t get pregnant/diseases that they would pay to treat/ help ifI got pregnant. If i’m safe it won’t effect them.

  • Brianna

    I’m 16 and I had sex with my boyfriend, we’ve been talking forever like over a year but we just started dating like a little over a month ago. My boyfriends mom found out and now she’s threatening both of us to tell my parents and I’m terrified to tell them. I don’t know how to tell them and I really don’t want to tell them but I have no choice but to do it now, my boyfriend and I are both going to tell my parents but we don’t really know how yet, and we both agreed that that was going to be the last time we are having sex until we’re ready to have kids, and we love each other so much and we don’t want our parents to even try to split us up because of this, i really need help in this situation now and please tell me an easy way to tell her

  • aleah

    Im about to be 14 and im going to tell my mom i had sex before shefinds out frim someone else but we are superr close i just been messing up alot but my boyfriend and i have known eachother for 4 years and talked/dated for 1 year. Im just scared she wont trust me and she will treat me different . I just want her to be understanding that it was my decision and i just want her to be there for me . I just dont know how to tell her

  • Jacky G

    I’m 18. I have a bf of two years and last night mom found my birth control pills. She is super old schooled and I have until after graduation to tell my dad I’m not a virgin. My dad will probably kick me out. Just when I was starting my life my parents do this to me. I’m going to college next fall and dad was going to help. Mom cried and said she could never trust me again. Me and her have had a rocky relationship for years now. Don’t tell them if they will act like this. Even my sister will be punished for knowing.

  • dont want to say

    I lost my virginity with my ex bf last year we were toghether for 11 months the thing was i was terrible at lying my mom find out i lost my virginity like 5 days after. We are close and i can tell she wants me to tell her everything im just too emberresed. When i broke up with my ex she was sad because she likes him, i do love him but he needs to grow up.
    I was his first gf and he loved me like no one else did. I let him go just because he needs to know the world is not color pink. So i started to talk to him after 5 months and i asked him how things were going and all. He came to my house and we talked… Thing is we had sex. The other night i got very drunk and i kind of told the date and i called everyone by his name. That night i was too drunk to even move but i could see and feel. My sister sleep with me that night she touch me thinking i was asleep. Im too scared to tell my mom any of these because she dint talk to me the last time she knew and did not let me be alone for one second. I cry for 3 days the day she knew i lost my virginity. I promised her i would never do it again and now she wants to know if im having sex. If i tell her i have to tell her about ny sister and that my ex and i are not going back toghether for now but i still want to have sex. Shes very controlive and she knows me better than anyone i can lie to her but after she knows the true she will not forgive me for months, and i wont have any kind of privacy or social life. Im 17 now and i want to tell her. I just dont want to see her reaction. Also i want to get on the birth control just because my period is a bitch and for once in my life i want to have a normal going period and dont worry about after sex even if i was completly safe.

    • Sia F. B. Hafa

      17? by that age it’s totally normal to have sex. You need to tell your mom that your almost a legal adult and you can decide if you want to sleep with someone. Is your sister older or younger then you?

  • megan

    OMG no dont tell them. Keep it to yourself. They will destroy everything. Parents are so overbearing and dont understand. They will say its because they care but it is because they want to control you. This is between you and your boyfriend and if you are taking precautions, doing well in school and not throwing tantrums they wont know anything. I lost my V card just at the time I was turning 13. If my mom knows I am with an older guy she will kill me. I am enjoying it so much and will never change that experience for anything. My mom doesnt know I go to his place everyday after school. Like from 3 to 7 every evening its like I am in heaven. He has his own place so we have the privacy. Please dont tell your parents and destroy your first love.

  • OpenHeartedNana

    My mom found out i had sex, not cuz i told her but because she found a condom in my room when she was emptying my garbage can-.-! This happened literally a week ago and shes tried to break my boyfriend and i up, shes texted him non-stop, called his parents, called him.. Called the gate(for my neighborhood) to make sure he cant get in using my address,It’s like hell for me right now, Shes literally going crazy about it… My advice is keep it to yourself and not tell or let your parents find out that you lost your virginity!!!

  • kaylamills00

    I told my dads gf that my bf and I had sex. we have been dating for 10 months and started having sex at 8 months. I am sixteen btw. when I told her she said she thought we had sex a while before that and then she made me a gyno appt. she told my father about the birth control and he is totally fine with it he said he knew we were having sex which is crazy Bc my dad doesn’t even want to hear about sex let alone does he want to hear that I have had sex. but anyway now I’m on the pill and still use condoms btw and my dad pays for my monthly refill. I just stated my birth control today actually. hope everything works out for you!

    • Sia F. B. Hafa

      lucky you, very supportive parents

  • lauren

    I am fifteen years old ill be 16 in February. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7months and started having sex at month 5…. My boyfriends parents know everything what’s going on… But my Mom doesn’t, my bf really wants to tell her cause him and my mom are close and he feels like he’s going behind her back… But on the other hand I’m scard to tell her she always makes this weird look or smile at me and I’m scard that she will A. Try to take him from me. B. Never leave us alone anymore(she’s just starting to trust me to) or C. All of the above…. I’m scard what should I do????

    • KezzaBarton

      Like mentioned above- its YOUR body, YOUR decisions, and you don’t have to tell anyone. If you feel you will lose trust with your mom, then you probably should keep it for just a little while longer. If you are using protection and you are cautious, and if you are willing to tell her, then you should probably go ahead and let her know, and ensure her that you are being safe, mature, and responsible about all of it! Don’t let your boyfriend tell her if you don’t want him to yet- it’s not his decision. Good luck(:

  • lauryn

    i think u should be honest with them tht will make ur relantionship so much stronger