Is It Normal To Be Jealous Of My Boyfriend Watching Porn?

Dear Heather,

I recently found out that my boyfriend watches and likes porn. I never knew this about him. We’re a Christian couple and I think it’s really wrong of him to watch it. We’ve been dating for over a year now, and I literally break down every time I think about him watching it. He is looking at naked women while he has a girlfriend!

He says he’s committed to me and I believe him. But it disgusts me and lowers my self-esteem so much, and I’m so much more insecure about my body now. My friends say I’m stupid for getting so upset about this because this is what guys do. What do I do? Is it normal for me to be upset and jealous about this? Please help.

It’s understandable that you’re feeling bummed out about your boyfriend watching porn. It can be hard to accept the idea that your BF is watching (and getting off to) other naked ladies who most definitely aren’t you. However, the truth is that an overwhelming majority of guys out there watch porn on a regular basis. And while I’m not saying you’re weird for feeling jealous or that you have to start watching porn yourself, it might be a good idea to get a teensy bit more comfortable with the idea of your current, and future, boyfriends watching it.

It sounds like you’re feeling threatened by the fact that your BF is looking at other naked girls who might not look just like you. But trust me when I say that you should never let women in porn (or any women in general) make you feel bad about yourself. Pornography is all about fantasy. Most dudes who watch it realize that this isn’t what sex is always like in real life, and that real women don’t look or act like porn stars. I seriously doubt that your boyfriend is ever comparing you to the girls in those videos. Your BF is with you for a reason – because he thinks you’re awesome and gorgeous! Trust me, if he had to pick you, a real girl, or videos of girls he’s never met and can’t touch, he’s going to pick you.

Remember: he likes you more than porn stars! | Source: Big Stock

So then why do guys watch porn? Well, as I’ve said before, men are visual creatures. The best way for them to get off is to look at pictures or watch dirty videos. Women aren’t like that – we don’t always need images in order to pleasure ourselves. Also, men think about sex more than women, especially teenage boys. In short? He’s horny, he wants to masturbate, and porn is his easiest way of doing that. He also probably enjoys seeing some of his fantasies play out – things he might be embarrassed to admit to liking or something he doesn’t think he’ll ever get to do himself.

Asking your BF to stop watching porn will probably only make him feel like you’re controlling him, and it might backfire on you. Unless he feels like he has to watch it multiple times a day or he’s ditching you to watch it, porn is relatively harmless. It’s just a way for him to get out his sexual frustrations, or, you know, just have a good time on his own. Masturbation is normal and actually healthy. And I can guarantee that once he’s done with his business and turns the porno off, he most likely forgets all about it a few hours later.

Listen, I know it’s hard to get used to the idea that your BF checks out other girls and is attracted to other girls. But it’s something you have to learn to deal with in a relationship. It doesn’t mean he’s any less attracted to you or that he’d rather be with someone else. And if the idea of him watching porn still really bothers you, ask him not to bring it up – and also don’t let yourself think about it so much. Remind yourself that he’s with you for a reason.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 

Ask a Guy: Is it normal for my boyfriend to watch porn?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter


Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
Tags: , , , , , ,

30 Comments

  1. avatarL says:

    Well, the problem is women or even men don’t realize we guys put women in 2 categories: one is “girl” and the other is “sexual object”.
    Let’s take the last category, we will never get romantic feelings, respect or even as far as give them importance. Even if it sounds harsh they are just there to please. We will never leave a girl we love for them and we will never even touch one of them if we are pleased with our sexual life. And that’s how we see porn stars. Ofc everyone standards are different,but I could bet your boyfriend has ok standards.
    If you have a steady relationship you have nothing to worry about.

    // and if you really can’t stand the tough of your boyfriend watch porn, make him be tired of sex all the time, and he won’t open porn

  2. avatarNikki says:

    For someone who doesn’t like their boyfriend using porn things like “it doesn’t mean he’s less attracted to you” will go STRAIGHT over their head. I’ve been there before. None of the old sayings work.

  3. avatarMsV says:

    This is terrible advice. Feelings are feelings and they are not right or wrong. No one needs to change the way they feel. And there are plenty of guys out there that don’t watch porn as there are plenty of women that do watch porn (again, bullcrap on the women are not visual creatures. I watch porn myself and I do so alone).
    What you need to do is be radically honest. Tell him how you feel. Don’t even excuse yourself for it or say things like “I’m sorry but…” or “I know it sounds strange but…” Just start with “I don’t appreciate when you…” If you want to explain that it gives you feelings of jealousy, then do so. If he ever leans towards questioning why you feel that way, then just stand by the fact that your feelings are your feelings and there is nothing wrong with them. Maybe you’ll end up having a conversation that will make you feel better about the situation. Ideally, he’ll find the best way to accommodate to you assuming he doesn’t want to make you feel that way. Ultimately, I wouldn’t stay with someone that doesn’t at least show effort or express a concern for your feelings in this regard.

Leave Your Comment

Your email address will not be published.

*

*