Boards
She’s such a bitch! | Source: Shutterstock
Lola has the annoying tendency to ALWAYS be up in my business. She follows me literally everywhere and she makes it her number one (probably only) priority to be the center of my attention at all times. I get that she just really loves me, and that’s cool. But when she starts competing with guys I bring over for my affection, that’s when she morphs from the cute dog that I love into a total cockblock.
A while ago, I invited this guy over that I had seen at a few parties and had been crushing on. The plan was to cook dinner together and watch a movie. Casual right? I figured that the plan was foolproof, but Lola had other ideas…
As soon as we walked in together and I forgot to spend my typical ten minutes petting her and telling her how much she had been missed, she got super hot under the collar. (See what I did there?) Once she started barking, trying to calm her down was useless. The only thing that seemed to subdue her was to hold her like an infant and pet her back—totally not the ideal situation for impressing a new guy with my cooking skills…
THIS is my Lovely Lola . . . SO BAD!
For a millisecond, I didn’t register what was happening. I was completely freaked out by this guy’s sloppy kissing skills and bad breath—what a disappointment, right? Then I realized I WAS MAKING OUT WITH MY DOG.
As soon as my man and I had moved close to lock lips, Lola had decided she wanted in on the action. She jumped over to where we were sitting and started three-way making out with the two of us on the couch. The guy and I both leapt back in disgust, but Lola didn’t budge. She had her tongue all up in my face, with no intention of stopping.
Needless to say, they guy was totally repulsed and I didn’t hear from him again. I guess he didn’t have a sense of humor about the whole situation. But can I blame him? He just got to 1st base with a dog after all . . . and my dog had successfully cock blocked me.
Is your pet kind of an attention whore? Have you ever been cock blocked by an animal (or a sibling, or your mom, or your ex)? Tell us in the comments!
This Girl Loves Her Pet More Than People!
Would You Rather?
While your story is funny and I laughed, I don’t believe it really happened. The needy dog part yes, and even the licking. But not the guy storming out. I can’t imagine that you, who shown by your writing has a good sense of humor, would bring home such a stiff. You wouldn’t have been attracted to him. And any guy would laugh that crap off, not storm out like a b**ch. Anyway, funny story.
while your story is funny, and I laughed,
If I had been in that situation, I would’ve picked her up and locked her in another room when she started acting like a human baby would have. Obviously, give her food and water to sustain her, but I would’ve waited until after my date was over to bring her back out, since she was that much of a problem!
Your problem stems from the fact that you have let you dog take ownership of you. I would invest some time into studying basic dog behavior becayse she’ll only get worse. She may graduate to full on attacking anyone who touches you, which isn’t uncommon. For your sake and Lola’s get help.