Ask A Guy: How Do You Know If A Guy Loves His Girlfriend?

Hi Ethan,

I have a huge crush on this guy… but he has a girlfriend. He flirts with me all the time and I’m pretty sure he has a crush on me also. But the annoying thing is that he hasn’t broken up with his girlfriend yet. I don’t even think he loves her! So my question is how do you know if a guy loves his girlfriend? How do you know if a guy is in love? Help!!

Every couple is unique — how one guy shows affection for his girlfriend in public might be entirely different from another. Furthermore, even if he may seem to give his lady-friend the cold shoulder between English and Chem class, he may be showering her with flowers and butterfly kisses as soon as they get back to her place.

However, the answer to your question boils down to this: If a guy is overtly flirting with you “all the time” while in a relationship, he’s probably not in love with his girlfriend. And, even if he is, his lack of fidelity implies that he doesn’t deserve to be with her in the first place (which is also a serious red flag for your own future with this dude).

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, and assuming he’s just in a relationship that has recently gone sour, I think the more pressing issue might be where to go from here. On one hand, if you’re really into this dude and have no regard for his girlfriend’s feelings, it sounds like it shouldn’t be too hard to woo him away from her with little more than some fresh baked cookies and a neck massage. On the other, you could wait it out and allow his current relationship to run its course before making a move. Not only is this the more mature, respectful option, but allowing your crush to wrap things up in his own time is probably best for your own relationship with him in the long run.

So, does this guy love his girlfriend? Maybe not. I can’t say for sure – the only person who really knows that is the guy himself. Everyone shows and feels love in different ways, so we can never be totally sure about how another person feels, despite what their actions may show. The best advice I can give you right now is to stop wondering about how he feels about his lady, and try to forget about him entirely for the time being. If you and he were meant to be, he’ll make sure you’re subscribed to his feed before he switches that Facebook relationship status to “single.”

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!


Ask a Guy: Why won’t my boyfriend say I love you?

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • mandis

    this guy always say he loves me so much and he calls me everyday, but for 2weeks now, he dnt call me like before. He hasn’t taking me out for a date before, he only comes to see me in my house once in a while. Right now am confused i dnt know if he still loves me. Please help

  • kristen

    i am wid dis guy nt more dan 3 months….he says he loves me alotz..but the prblm is he dun have tym for me..or may be he avoids me…em confused….pls hlp me out wid dis…is he cheatng on me…?

  • Tiara

    I am with this boy. He likes me so much, but I don’t feel the same way for him. I feel uncomfortable around him My friends say he is really really nice and don’t break up with him. I feel I should. I am shy and I don’t know what to do. Helppppppp Meeee Ethan, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Sam

      Breakup with him, might be hard but u gotta do it and believe me it really helps bring confidence so break it off, but don’t forget to let him down gently and tell him that it’s u not him. Believe me u dont want him to think its his fault, u both deserve better. Good luck girly! 🙂

  • AsianIggs1

    Ethan- I seriously wish I had you in marching band instead of our Ethan. People would actually like you. You give great advice, and you just seem like a good person with great wisdom all around! ^ ^ Keep up you lovely knowledge skills for us clueless girls, please!

    • Jennie

      My b.f luvs me or not m vry cnfusd he says he luv me bt sumtyms he act so diffrnt so i thnk he don’t luv me..n he’s sumthng vry diffrnt he’s nt lyk anothr guys..vr beird he is bt i dn’t no i luv hm so mcch i thnk i mst give up i luv hm bt i dn’t hw he wat to do m vry cnfusd..;-(