Dudes, The Best Way To Not Get Laid: “Butt Chugging”

Whatever happened to good old fashioned frat parties? | ShutterStock.com

Yes, you heard me, girl, I said “butt chugging.” It sounds yucky and it is. News outlets are reporting on this shocking new epidemic where college frats use a tube or hose to put alcohol in their butts. In. Their. Butts.

According to the Huffington Post, “Early Saturday, 20-year-old Alexander P. Broughton of Pi Kappa Alpha was brought to the emergency room and showed a blood-alcohol level thought to be ‘well over’ .4, according to the Knoxville News Sentinel. They believe he ingested the alcohol by butt chugging.

Health professionals are concerned about these “alcohol enemas” because they’re physically dangerous. The colon and small intestine are used to absorb nutrients so when you put something directly in that area it will get absorbed much faster. The result is a “quicker high” but too much absorption, too fast will make you sick. It’s no different than drinking too much alcohol, except your body processes it much faster so you never have time to pace yourself or realize you’ve consumed too much.

Plus, if a bunch of dudes are sharing a funnel they stuck up their butt they can pass around STDs. I seriously don’t understand the point in this? You can get just as drunk from consuming alcohol the right way, plus you don’t have to deal with a crowd of people watching you hose your butt (there are videos of this), and you may actually make a new friend or get laid. Who is going home with the guy who publicly got a wine enema?

What sucks the most about the few weirdos who “butt chugg” is that the news is reporting it like it’s some new epidemic. Just check out some of the recent headlines, “America’s Latest Youth Scourge: Butt-Chugging,” “The Hot New Way Frat Kids Are Getting Drunk,” “Is Wine Butt Chugging the New Vodka Tampon-ing?” and “Butt Chugging: Binge Drinking Hits A New Low.”

One group of weird kids makes a bad decision now all of a sudden the entire youth of America is troubled, butt chuggers?

We seriously doubt that more than a few people put vodka tampons in their vaginas or in their eyeballs or in their butts. Something one percent of the population does shouldn’t reflect all of teenagers. Most teens are normal peeps who aren’t so preoccupied with getting wasted they would put stuff in their buttholes. And the oddball ones who are probably aren’t getting laid.

What do you guys think? Do you know anyone who has butt chugged? Let us know in the comments!

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  • OMG

    are teens today this stupid. I feel sorry for the future

  • Destyni

    Really? Butt chugging? Seriously? That’s even more pointless and stupid than planking. Seriously who comes up with this stuff?

  • littlebabydoll

    The teens who do that are stupid.

  • Kay

    Oh, come on. Don’t act so surprised. It’s not that weird. And believe it or not, there are reasons that people do it. It’s not like they enjoy putting stuff up their butts. It gets you drunk fast and people can’t tell that you’re drunk because it doesn’t show up on your breath. Yeah, it’s a dumb thing to do, but these are teenagers we’re talking about. Who’s to say what’s “normal” about teen fads? Sometimes it’s surprising how ignorant and opinionated these articles can be.

  • Cass