Confession: I Was A Cyber Bully

I was a cyber bully. Not the kind where I stalked someone’s Internet profile, harassed them, threatened them or wished them dead, but I skirted a line between what I would now consider to be ethical and unethical.

I started a blog. My first year of college was awful. You know all those movies with keggers, parties, hooking up, friends and fun? That’s not what college was like at all. The people were snobs, there were no parties, just a bunch of boring, depressed kids sitting around complaining–myself included.

After an anonymous site was made for students to gossip, I was fed up. People claimed certain students had STDs, accused students who were on scholarship and financial aid (like me) of freeloading off the rich students (huh?), made racist comments against the Black Student Union and made homophobic comments. How could the people I saw everyday be thinking these things about each other?

My group of friends could never admit we didn’t like each other. Instead of discussing our grievances or simply parting ways, everyone became passive aggressive.

There was one roommate who I strongly disliked. She would punch the brick wall outside and come back bloody and sulking so that we would console her. She would lock herself in our closet. She would run back and forth in the hallways at three in the morning. She would rip her eyebrows and hair out. In retrospect these were all signs of someone who was unstable and probably needed counseling. These weren’t the reasons why I disliked her, so much as she came off as mean, selfish and talked a lot of crap about people.

I was so pissed with everybody, so frustrated with all the passive aggression that I created a blog where I could vent. I wrote about all the people I hated at school, but I really focused on this one roommate. (I know, I was totally hypocritical.) I kept a record of all the weird things she would say and do.

I never told anyone at school about it, but that didn’t mean no one ever read it. I kept blogging for over a year. I got hundreds of subscribers from telling my friends outside of school about it. Writing about Patty in such a negative way made me look for negative things to see in her. It made me demonize her in the nastiest way. She never had any clue that the whole time she thought we were friends I was calling her “stupid,” “lazy” and a “bitch” on the internet. I would even record songs about how much I hated her.

I didn’t realize it was wrong. I thought it was funny. I thought I was being a good writer. In reality, I was being malicious, hypocritical and two-faced. Eventually, I transferred schools and took the blog down for good.

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2 Comments

  1. avatarSamonymous says:

    I have been/have only recently stopped cyber bullying… and stalking. One specific girl. Growing up, I had a parent that pushed me to do anything she wanted me to do, so I did. Even if it ended up getting me hurt physically. She always had me in the internet drama. Posting things, saying things, encouraging the bullying. I did most of it in fear, but now that I am older I wonder how much of it was really me… and now because of it I have this urge inside me… I just have to see. I have bullied her many, many times over the internet, most of the nastiest moments being anonymous. She would always accuse me of doing it, but then I would just lie. I always had a great lie for every time I bullied her, or ‘stalked’ her web pages, always had an alibi. This has gone on for literally, years. She has even moved 700 miles away from me, I still couldn’t stop. I would search for her blogs. Anywhere she would put them, and I would always find them. I even would use proxies to view her web pages cause she eventually put a log on her blogs that would tell what ip addresses were visiting. I have got to stop. It isn’t right. There is already too much damage done from it, especially since she seems to have been able to get more ‘proof’ then usually that it is me and always has been me. This girl and I have gone back and forth for years. She even played her own hand in the bullying. But, she has stopped, many years ago, at least out in the public eye. I suppose I wouldn’t get so upset about what she has to say about me, if I just wouldn’t lurk… but I always just had to. I have closed myself off from the world because of this, because of what I have done. Lost ties with people, who I know know about this since we had the same set circle of friends, and how small of a town I live in (a town she used to live in as well), but these people never say anything to me about it… but they don’t have to, I know that they know and that is enough to cause me to go to my own dark corner. It is no one’s fault but my own. This is the first time that I have admitted to this secret in this much detail to anyone, even myself. Yes it is still ‘anonymous’ but I guess it’s a first step to getting better. Getting better and moving on. But I will never lose the stigma she has given me. No one likes to be labeled a ‘stalker’ in the place you live. I will have to live with this. Learn from my mistakes. Cyber Bullying hurts more then whomever you have singled out… It can do some serious damage to your own.

  2. avatarmitchie21 says:

    Me and my friends had a burn book in high school. I hated the people around me. We were the ones that the “cool” kids considered “losers”, plus the teachers were biased. They would prioritize the ones that were rich and “cool”. I didn’t get into choir because I was too shy. I was shy but not to the point where I won’t sing just coz I come off shy and stuff. When you get labeled as something in hs, that’s how you’re going to be looked at for the rest of your years there. Anyway, I didn’t get in but this other girl WHO CAN’T SING AT ALL (not saying this out of bitterness) got in because she was popular. I hated every stinking moment in HS. So, me and my friends wrote stuff down on a notebook… It was filled with pure hate. I still have it but I no longer update it. I’ve learned a lot since I started college.

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