In no way, in no alternate universe, not even for Halloween do we want to look like you. And I’m pretty sure most other girls with half a brain feel the same way–so we’re confused as to who will by this new clothing line you’re designing.
We understand that you’ve said you’re “doing amazing,” (which, um, should be amazingly, not “amazing”–but whatever)–however, from where we stand, it really doesn’t look that way. Drunk driving just makes you look like an idiot who not only doesn’t value her own life, but who also doesn’t respect the safety of others. Additionally, locking yourself in a boutique’s dressing room for over an hour makes you look like a basket case. These, in case we’re not being clear, are things we do not want to look like.
We also don’t want to look like someone in denial–and honey? You are. You need help. No, I don’t know you personally, and I’m sure you have a lot of crappy stuff going on in your life that’s been fueling this tailspin, but anyone can tell that you’re not doing well. You used to be cute, funny, talented! We used to like you–and maybe even want to look like you. But for now? You’re looking pretty trashy. Here’s hoping you clean up your act before starting that clothing line of yours. Maybe you could even call it “Fresh Start.”