There’s so much porn on this planet that it sort of sets a really weird standard for what real sex should look like. But guess what? Real sex looks almost nothing like that: Most of us don’t have 24/7/365 airbrush tans, most of us don’t orgasm at the same time as our partners, most of us are a little awkward and messy, and most of us don’t bang our pizza delivery men. (And if you do, I’m just ordering from all the wrong parlors.)
It’s become one woman’s mission to make sure people learn and accept that real sex is to porn, essentially, as real life is to the movies: Movies and porn are fantasy versions of something real and generally, on the surface, less attractive.
Cindy Gallop would be considered a cougar, and she’s got a decent dose of sexual experience under her fierce and fashionable belt–and she got annoyed that a lot of the real sex she was having with guys seemed almost entirely based on what guys had seen in porn–because guess what? Most women don’t enjoy that in real life, since we need more time (and usually more foreplay) to get us going than the typical wham, bam, thank you ma’am that porn presents. Real sex doesn’t work like that! As she put it, having such easy access to porn teaches guys (and girls!) “that what you see in hard-core pornography is the way that you have sex.” And it’s not.
As a result, Cindy wanted to teach people how real sex looks and works–there are no lighting tricks, no cheesy music, and few to no references to pepperoni, sausage, or “hot ‘n’ ready.” She launched her own website, MakeLoveNotPorn.com, to explain the difference between scripted sex and real sex–and she upped the ante when she launched its companion site, MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, to show the differences between porn and real sex.
On MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, users can pay a fee to upload and/or view videos that real couples submitted of themselves having real sex. Spoiler alert: Real sex looks a lot different, a lot less plastic, and, believe it or not, a lot more fun–people are allowed to talk, giggle, and even make out, because they don’t have directors telling them what to do and when to do it, and there aren’t any fancy editing tricks to show a time lapse or take out uncomfortable or silly moments.
That isn’t to say porn is a bad thing. Think of it like video games: They’re fun to play, but in real life, we can’t solve our problems with hadoukens or buying special armor and casting spells. Similarly, most of us can’t orgasm on command (hell, a lot of us have a hard time with orgasms in general) or get intimate with people we barely know. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t play video games or watch porn–we just need to understand that real life and real sex are a lot different from what comes out of a glowing screen with the push of a button. And if the only sex guys know of comes from porn, they won’t know the right buttons to push during real sex.
Do you think porn sets false expectations for what real sex is like? Do you think guys get the wrong idea about real sex from watching porn? Do you think porn is an accurate representation of what real sex is like? Tell us in the comments!
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