What Does Real Sex Look Like?

real sex sex

Just like real sex doesn’t look like this for most guys … | Source: ShutterStock

There’s so much porn on this planet that it sort of sets a really weird standard for what real sex should look like. But guess what? Real sex looks almost nothing like that: Most of us don’t have 24/7/365 airbrush tans, most of us don’t orgasm at the same time as our partners, most of us are a little awkward and messy, and most of us don’t bang our pizza delivery men. (And if you do, I’m just ordering from all the wrong parlors.)

It’s become one woman’s mission to make sure people learn and accept that real sex is to porn, essentially, as real life is to the movies: Movies and porn are fantasy versions of something real and generally, on the surface, less attractive.

Cindy Gallop would be considered a cougar, and she’s got a decent dose of sexual experience under her fierce and fashionable belt–and she got annoyed that a lot of the real sex she was having with guys seemed almost entirely based on what guys had seen in porn–because guess what? Most women don’t enjoy that in real life, since we need more time (and usually more foreplay) to get us going than the typical wham, bam, thank you ma’am that porn presents. Real sex doesn’t work like that! As she put it, having such easy access to porn teaches guys (and girls!) “that what you see in hard-core pornography is the way that you have sex.” And it’s not.

As a result, Cindy wanted to teach people how real sex looks and works–there are no lighting tricks, no cheesy music, and few to no references to pepperoni, sausage, or “hot ‘n’ ready.” She launched her own website, MakeLoveNotPorn.com, to explain the difference between scripted sex and real sex–and she upped the ante when she launched its companion site, MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, to show the differences between porn and real sex.

On MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, users can pay a fee to upload and/or view videos that real couples submitted of themselves having real sex. Spoiler alert: Real sex looks a lot different, a lot less plastic, and, believe it or not, a lot more fun–people are allowed to talk, giggle, and even make out, because they don’t have directors telling them what to do and when to do it, and there aren’t any fancy editing tricks to show a time lapse or take out uncomfortable or silly moments.

real sex sex

Real sex doesn’t look like this for us, either! | Source: ShutterStock

That isn’t to say porn is a bad thing. Think of it like video games: They’re fun to play, but in real life, we can’t solve our problems with hadoukens or buying special armor and casting spells. Similarly, most of us can’t orgasm on command (hell, a lot of us have a hard time with orgasms in general) or get intimate with people we barely know. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t play video games or watch porn–we just need to understand that real life and real sex are a lot different from what comes out of a glowing screen with the push of a button. And if the only sex guys know of comes from porn, they won’t know the right buttons to push during real sex.

Do you think porn sets false expectations for what real sex is like? Do you think guys get the wrong idea about real sex from watching porn? Do you think porn is an accurate representation of what real sex is like? Tell us in the comments!

Should you talk about porn with your parents?!

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  • Raj

    Porn is not a real
    sex. They are fake. Pornography is not made to educate, but
    to sell. It’s a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn’t care how.
    They’ll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more. So,
    pornography will tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives
    on lies — lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. It
    is misleading, unrealistic and more than 90 % of clips, shots, poses or
    expression are fake medically means scientifically men’s penis tip has special nerve
    ending and inside of female vaginal opening has special nerve endings which
    causes sensation/pleasure/enjoyment while having intercourse. This enjoyment
    can be feel by intercourse or penis in vagina only. Rest of the body parts of
    female for eg. Breast do not have any special nerve ending/sensation and except
    genital part female will not feel anything in other parts.

    You should not reenact/follow that which you see in
    porn! For health reasons! For reasons of respect for your sex partner ! Make Love Not Porn”. Female orgasm (moment of most intense
    pleasure) is totally fake it is not real. It is a money making shot for them.” The moviemakers know their viewers want to
    see the moment of orgasm, and they usually want to see
    it all over the woman’s body like back, butt, chest etc. and believe it is 100%
    fake/false/lie. It’s fiction. Why is it that people lose their brains
    when the subject of pornography comes up?

    She’s faking it, dude. Well, first off, the woman you saw doing that
    thing is a professional. And she is an actress. She is
    paid to do those things/pretend to do those things/pretend to enjoy doing those
    things. Because the folks who do that/pretend to do that/pretend to
    enjoy doing that are actors.
    Beside this it is finally made after lots of editing, lots of camera shots in
    different angles, lots of use of computer software (technology) so that it
    looks true. Many things used are artificial which looks like real for eg. Men ejaculation
    sometimes not true instead of true they use some corn mix with some chemical
    which looks same as semen. Female breast are not natural. Most of them go for
    some artificial incorporation inside breast.

    Porn is known to often cause problems in relationships. Even apart
    from the issue of pornography addiction, which is a phenomenon that can
    absolutely destroy a relationship, heterosexual men who consume porn tend to
    report experiencing less satisfaction with the woman they have sex with.
    A problem without a purpose. So porn is a touchy subject. And
    we’re not even talking about violent porn here. But even the more vanilla forms of it are based on
    fictions and falsehoods. But even though porn is fake, the problems it can cause are
    all too real. But you can tell someone something over and over and over
    again. Porn is not real. Porn is not real. Porn is not real. Porn
    pollute viewer’s mind. One of the
    most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are
    sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes
    twisted. The problem with
    porn’s shallow perspective is that relationships are not built on sex, but on
    commitment, caring and mutual trust. Being
    with someone who loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for
    your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is
    what makes sex really great.

    Let’s look at some of lies/fake/false of porn and see just how badly they can mess up your
    life and attitudes.

    Lie #1 – Women are less than human

    Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, toy, pets or body parts.
    Some pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn’t show the face
    at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is
    played down.

    Lie #2 – Women are property

    Porn displays women like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as openly as
    possible for the customer to look at. It’s not surprising that many young men
    think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right
    to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.

    Lie #3 – A woman’s value depends on the attractiveness of her

    Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs
    or worse, simply because they don’t fit into porn’s criteria of the
    “perfect” woman. Porn doesn’t care about a woman’s mind or
    personality, only her body.

    Lie #4 – Women like rape

    “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women
    are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like
    it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

    Lie #5 – Women should be degraded

    Porn is often full of hate speech against women. Women are shown being tortured
    and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and begging for more. Does this kind of
    treatment show any respect for women? Any love? Or is it hatred and contempt
    that porn is promoting toward women?

    Lie #6 – Illegal sex is fun

    Porn often has illegal or dangerous elements thrown in to make sex more
    “interesting.” It suggests that you can’t enjoy sex if it isn’t
    weird, illegal or dangerous.

    Lie #7 – Prostitution is glamorous

    Porn paints an exciting picture of prostitution. In reality, many of the women
    portrayed in pornographic material are runaway girls trapped in a life of
    slavery. Many having been sexually abused. Some of them are infected with
    incurable sexually transmitted diseases that are highly contagious and often
    die very young. Many are addicted to drugs and alcohol just to cope.

    Pornography makes a profit from the ruined lives of young
    women and entraps men who will spend lots of time AND money succumbing to their
    product. We might think that the things we see and hear don’t affect us.
    Yet we all admit that good music, good movies and good books add a lot to our
    lives. They can relax us, educate us, move us or inspire us. Just as uplifting
    media can benefit us, pornographic images can negatively affect us. Images
    are not always neutral. They can persuade us. Businesses know that if they can
    get a persuasive image of their product in front of you during a highly
    emotional moment, it will sink into your subconscious mind. Pornography
    entraps you with lies.

    What are the effects of pornography?

    What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads?
    If the wrong things keep getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so
    polluted that your life is going to have problems. One of the most vital parts
    of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas
    are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.

    Porn Addiction: The Pull of Pornography

    Not everyone who sees porn
    will become addicted. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about men,
    women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some will have some kind of
    emotional opening that allows the addiction to really grab hold. The porn companies
    don’t mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It’s
    great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of addiction into
    several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and acting out. For
    porn addicts, I’ve found that there is another stage that comes first — early
    exposure. Let’s look at these stages:


    Most who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are very
    young and it gets its foot in the door.


    You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You’re
    hooked and can’t quit.


    You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that
    disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.


    You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn
    doesn’t excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill
    again, but you can’t find it.


    This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out the images
    they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn into the
    real world, with real people, in destructive ways.

  • maggie

    can let me see a video

  • No Soul

    This is an excellent project. Both the teaching people about sex who might not otherwise learn and the publishing of an article about it. Congratulations to the author of this article for presenting such useful information. I wish I was doing something as useful as this and recommend to others who might read this post that they learn from this and then make a concrete move to find something to do that they actually think is not only useful but is something that this society needs to have done. Do it before you get distracted by something useless like a marketing plan for an arms distributor. It´s much easier than you think to follow a path you don´t like because you´re afraid of what will happen if you stop and try to do something else.

  • justin lucas

    and if you rally need to do this you have a problem if any kids reed this remember.
    god loves you and do not seen any more. the end of the earth is near this is for Avery one to groan up’s child any one. believe what I say its true

    • John Doe


  • justin lucas

    if you need to have sex then do it with a condom. sex is about love and sex is not good for all of as. do you no your body is a temple that god made for us. if you have sex god will not love you. you will be with the evil one. just love you father in haven and just do the good thing clean sex. I thank sexing is for having to get girls to have a baby. and must 16 your olds should never aver have sex you will bleed. 9th graders should never any grade should never do it. Justin lucas

    • Jesus

      Your god means nothing.

      • Talcum X

        YOU mean nothing. Your loss will mean nothing.

  • Eduard

    I completely agree with this article, this not only sets false expectations with men, but also with some women as well. All in all, sex can be varied, and you can’t expect the same result with different people. Some are like it slow and sensual, some like it rough. It’s all a matter of flow, and just being in the moment of it, not setting up expectations or over thinking, which will degrade the experience.

  • adrian

    I never had good sex in my life time I don’t under stand how I never had any body in my life yet I am steel looking for some one I am on 2 dating sites pof and okcuped no luck I want sex so bad it hurt me

    • Bobby Johns

      Adrian: This comment is not about sex but about your pathetic speech. You need to go back to school and take a refresher course in basic speech and english composition. If I was a girl/woman and you spoke to me the same way you wrote your comment on this web-site, I would tell you to “get lost”. PATHETIC IS THE ONLY WAY TO DESCRIBE YOUR SPEECH.

      • John Martincic

        If you *were* a girl/woman….

        Bobby, I find his speech pathetic and not endearing, but you are a person with an opinion… one out of thousands. Regardless of whether he is in the moral right (and…fornication is wrong), you are not helping the man by insulting him over his ill-placed comment.

  • randy

    good one there kjkgddddd

  • yes


  • and the hypocrisy of adults continues. Why do you always say two consenting adults? What is so horrible about two consenting teens that your so blindly opposed too. There is literally no case that supports that teenagers should not be having sex, in-fact forcing that on them is harmful. Studies show that societies that repress their sexuality especially adolescent sexuality are (quoting wikipedia) plagued by acts of rage and tend to have higher rates of crime and violence. There may be a link between sexual repression and aggression, insensitivity, criminal behaviour, and a greater likelihood of killing and torturing enemies. All of these traits are established in the teenage years which shape one’s personality as an adult the most.

    You may say just allow masturbation but not sex and while masturbation helps just masturbation alone won’t cure the problem because your personality is also shaped by what you touch and sex is an affectionate activity due to all the kissing, and touching even when the participants were unknown to each other beforehand and study after study shows that lack of affection in early years makes people harder when they grow up. Also don’t expect for allowing lots of affection without sex because ultimately in almost all cases it will lead to sex.

    • Ingrid.p

      That is such an exaggeration! Such countries have more violence because they tend to be third world countries. Correlation is not causation. These countries also have more of a sense of community, and crime is because of basic needs, not the random craziness you see in America.
      Teenage sexuality in America is not repressed.

      • America isn’t really very violent. The crime is higher than most developed countries but for Central America, alot of Asian and African countries the crime is alot higher. Besides countries like Iraq have way more random craziness than America does. Terrorists do kill for religious reasons but a lot of them also are bloodthirsty who make random strikes on civilians that don’t really further their cause. Random craziness has caused civil wars in the Middle East but in America things get done about it.

        America though does repress teenagers sexuality more than the rest of the developed world does. It’s certainly better than alot of countries but it still does with abstinence education, religious groups trying to restrict their access to contraption, and parents trying to prevent their teens from having sex. In European and South American countries teens can get condoms at the school entrance, they are given all the information they need in order to use contraption correctly, and alot of parents allow teens to have sex in their house with full knowledge that they are doing it.

        The rest of the developed world doesn’t have as many shooting as America does. But America is improving every year and whenever America’s crime goes down, the amount of teenage sexuality goes up. I mean I hear parents constantly comparing how much more sexual teens are today than they used to, and back in the late 20th century America had way more crime and violence than today. My dad moved out of the cities because the violence in America’s cities was so horrible in the 70s 80s and 90s. Meanwhile back then there was actually a stigma among teens themselves if you had had sex, and it almost never occurred in a casual sense. Now at least in my high school but from what I’ve seen others too friends with benefits relationships are by far the most popular. Teens don’t even really date anymore, and I can see why because too many people had their hearts broken by those kind of relationships. Honestly it’s probably a better idea to have casual sex when your young and then find a soul mate to settle down with because when your young the break ups just completely devastate you, and they can affect you for months afterwards. I’m sure it’s not too different when your older but I guess your better equipped for it later.

        Thing is, is that casual sex doesn’t bring any emotional problems despite what the media says, it’s actually the traditional relationships that do. I’m not saying don’t ever try traditional relationships but they shouldn’t make them out to be so much better than casual sex cause I’ve never seen anyone emotionally devastated by casual sex.

  • Taunt

    Today’s day and age you can’t restrict the open resources normal kids have at home. The internet is vast. I’ve been exposed to the subject of sex since a really young age. Embarrassing enough, I started masturbating since I was 3. I’m seeing kids at the age of 11 speak about how “I tapped that girl last night.” It’s sad..and porn is something everyone sees. I think it was a good idea to put this article up here. Since we can’t cover kids’ eyes anymore, we have to teach them what they’re seeing.

  • mrshorny

    i think porn it cool and i want mmy sex to be like porn… i want it to be painful and fantasy like

  • Lexi

    This woman has a good idea I just don’t why people would pay for “real sex” when they can get porn for free.

    • Savannah

      On the site if you rent a video, the person who posted the video gets 50% of the profits. That’s why they do it, its like a sex community in a way.

      • Michelle

        Why is this on here, isn’t this a teen site? I thought porn was for 18 and up, in fact it is illegal if you are under 18, come on gurl.com editors!

        • Hunny

          Michelle, beileve it or not people under 18 are GOING to view porn, whether legal or not, and to not want to discuss it just because they shouldnt be doing it isn’t a good idea .

          “hey lets not talk about drugs, its illegal.”
          “hey lets not talk about unprotected sex because they shouldnt be doing it . ”

          horrible thinking.

          • michelle

            What do you think about people under 18 viewing porn.

          • Michelle

            Hunny, People don’t talk about drugs/alcohol to kids and then tell them good places to get them,.. like what this article does “hey kids! Go to makelovenotporn and watch people having sex.”

          • hhhhhh


    • lelly

      lexi you are right you can get it for free.

    • cici

      wat ever. get a man and you wont have to pay for it. and u have to pay for porn. ur gettin it backward